Jordan Levin, boy-genius CEO of the WB, is looking a little older and a lot less genius this morning—he's about to "resign" as the head of the network. Expect an official "resignation" announcement and subsequent production deal with Warner Bros to be forthcoming.

According to Rush & Malloy, some New Line Cinema executives are a little skeeved by a scene in the movie Birth, in which Nicole Kidman takes a bath, sans wardrobe, [Ed. note—Naked! Who'd expect a naked bath?] with a 10-year-old boy she thinks is the the reincarnation of her dead husband. What's more, the movie reportedly has a scene in which Kidman's character and the tot—um, how do we put this delicately—suck face. Wasn't getting married to Tom Cruise enough transgression for a Hollywood career?

Whenever an agent ankles their employer for a new address on Wilshire Boulevard, that's the Agent Dance! A reader sends in this latest, double-barreled, security-guards-and-cardboard-boxes edition: "Susan Solomon escorted out of Paradigm as she heads to Endeavor; Greg McKnight escorted out of William Morris as he moves to CAA."

It's been a banner week for OJ Simpson. First, he gets his mug all over the television and plugs Juiced, his reality TV show, while seemingly blaming Nicole for her own murder on the tenth anniversary of her death. Now, Lasagnafarm says that Simpson's finally solved her slaying, and, tragically, the culprit got away clean:

Wherein we use the LAT's "Hot Property" real estate column and some ellipses to depress both ourselves and the Los Angeles housing market:

Americans, despair: The super-secret government-sponsored David Arquette Sterilization Project has failed. People reports that Arquette and wife Courteney Cox Arquette have given birth to a baby girl named...

These are the numbers that allow a grieving nation a chance to move on:

Can foes shave 'Harry' legs?

With only a few precious hours until former Screen Actors Guild (and American) president Ronald Reagan is finally laid to rest, Flak Magazine finally addresses a hole in the media's first-person accounts of how Ronnie touched people's lives. They bring us the ruminations of Family Ties' number one Republican son, Alex P. Keaton, allowing everyone some peace in knowing that even fictional sitcom characters have had their say.

When we recently carped, "What, No Lasagna?" in an earlier post, we hoped that there was indeed lasagna at the Fox News Cafe. An adventurous gourmand on the lot sends in this brief review of an item on Fox's Garfield-themed menu.

Last night, we slipped free of the shackles that bind us to our computer and actually attended the AFI Life Achievement Award ceremony for Meryl Streep at the Kodak Theater (and, more importantly, the afterparty at the Highlands club). We imagine it was just like being at the Oscars, but without the constant urge to have Billy Crystal sterilized.

The Blueprint has this phonecam shot of today's menu at the News Cafe on the Fox lot. Nothing like some co-branded cafeteria food to get the worker drones ready for the failure of your dead-president dissing, CGI talking-cat nightmare movie. Click through to see the full pic here.

A disgruntled former staffer needs to get some Miramax rage out of their system. Did he/she not get a ticket to a Fahrenheit 9/11 screening from Harvey Weinstein?

Take refuge from the wall-to-wall mourning in the air conditioned comfort of your local cinemaplex, in exactly the proportions listed below:

In just two days and two hours, the Olsen Twins will finally come of age. How will their 18th birthday affect their acting career? They'll lose much of their jailbait luster once the taboo of being below the age of consent is lifted. But, we suppose, there's got to be some kind of subset of jailbait aficionados that enjoys the barely legal action of twins on the town, getting into adventures, and looking like they really, really could use a sandwich. Happy birthday, gals! Enjoy their senior yearbook photos, which were taken, like, last week.

This is obviously way too good to be true: Blog La.comfidential posts a rumor that nuptial cannon-fodder Marc Anthony "has already ended his marriage with Jennifer Lopez."

"And right over there is where Fox is setting up the 'Pin the Tail on the Gipper' booth, and over there will be the coffin-shaped porta-pottys draped in the American flag, with urinal cakes in the shape of Reagan's head."

Towleroad gets a report from the set of gay cowboy flick Brokeback Mountain. They've finally shot the scene where the characters played by Heath Ledger and dreamy-eyed boat of eye-dreams Jake Gyllenhaal kiss. Says their spy, "the boys were a bit nervous at first, but eventually got into it and turned in a great scene." Maybe too great? Studio execs and director Ang Lee are wringing their hands over how graphic to get in the depiction of hott cowboy love, and may panic in the cutting room. To wit, Towleroad prints an excerpt from the script, where things get significantly more chaps-and-spurs:

Pretty Picture Day at Defamer continues with this cameraphone shot of the initial Primetime Emmy ballot. Click to enlarge. Be forewarned...According to Jim doesn't look like a better Emmy contender in the larger pic. After the jump is a shot of the ScanTron-ish voting form that reminds Academy members of their underachieving high school years—then intimidates them into voting for Frasier, which seems like it must be smart because of all the obscure opera references.

And we thought we had way too much time on our hands. Local, eerily appropriately named blog lowexpectations has assembled what has to be the canonical list of celebrity attendees at the two Fahrenheit 9/11 screenings Monday night. One quick quibble with the list: Patrick Whitesell, Ben Affleck's agent, is listed. Let's not start giving agents the idea that they're famous, important, or even human beings. They're already impossible enough to deal with.