Blog photoTopia has pictures from last night's fundraiser at the Henry Fonda Theater for John Kerry and John Edwards, whom we hear are running for political offices of some kind. The event was hosted by his daughters, and it seems that Alexandra Kerry managed to keep her breasts safely under opaque fabric despite the presence of a red carpet and celebrities.
While we were out celebrating the Fourth of July, a strange e-mail "press release" heralding the imminent arrival of a "kinky S&M Cameron Diaz film" landed in our inbox. Somehow, between vomiting off a roof in the South Bay and nearly losing our genitals to a suspiciously well-aimed bottle rocket, we forgot about the mysterious press release. Then foot-mirror-enthusiast sister blog Fleshbot started getting e-mail announcing the Cameron Diaz video had hit the internet. We've seen the trailer for the video, and in it a much younger Diaz displays a bit of craft you won't hear about on Inside the Actor's Studio, unless James Lipton finally cracks and does the show on mushrooms: Cameron perks up her nipples with a can of freon or compressed air, giggling "Whoa! Look at them, look at how big they got!" We've nearly fainted wondering about what goodies the full-length offering must hold!
—No young starlet escapes the plastic surgeon's knife, not even Mandy Moore. Our faith in seemingly wholesome pop-stars-turned-actresses finally shaken.
—There is perhaps no sadder sight that the Smoking Gun's presentation of Ferris Bueller's principal's arrest card for failing to register as a sex offender. Sigh. What's next, Cameron exposing himself in front of a Catholic girls' school?
—Fleshbot double-feature: Ashley Judd sends her goodies into the public domain and a referral to the Bulge Report. Sample: "Matt LeBlanc, 7" when soft, cut, "thick as a beer can." Thanks, we really needed to stop drinking beer anyway.
—Real estate in brief: Marilyn Manson is moving to the Valley. Watch for Manson and his porno neighbors to throw the greatest housewarming party in history. [reg. req'd.]
While formerly reclusive screen legend Marlon Brando was being cremated in a private ceremony in Los Angeles, fans were setting tributes to their deceased hero on his star on Hollywood Boulevard. An inventory of the devotional items left by Brando fans, clockwise from the top left: a note, secured by two small stones; a bunch of flowers (color unknown); what appears to be a candle, featuring either a young Brando or a clean-shaven Jesus Christ; a white flower; a red rose.
When a young actress pays good money for a new set of breasts and wants the world to know about it, there are two places she should immediately and drunkenly stick them: a) in an undersized tank-top (check!), and b) a yellow sports-car (check!). The paparazzi photographs will take care of themselves. Photo courtesy of the JJB board, your internet home of uncredited, embarrassing celebrity photography. Oh yes, there are more where these came from.
Writer/blogger Daniel Radosh either uncovers a mystery about some missing voice-over from a reel of Fahrenheit 9/11 in Sacramento or prints an unhinged e-mail from a conspiracy theorist that would have been scrawled in crayon if the technology allowed. Free speech issue or crackpot with a vivid imagination? You decide. We just wish that Moore would get the guts to reinsert Fahrenheit's controversial-yet-lyrical 30-second animated sequence of an elephant with George W. Bush's head sodomizing a mouse in a pink tutu labeled "The American Public."
Page Six already told us about the Olsen Twins' "Got Milk?" campaign getting blown off the mirror. This gift from an anonymous reader imagines a world in which white mustaches of another kind have hit the mainstream, and where there are no troubled starlets with "eating disorders," just a healthy appetite for partying. Click the picture to see the entire "lost ad."
Some early fireworks on the Fox lot on Friday: We hear a rumor that there was a little dust-up at the table read for Method & Red. After Method Man supposedly tanked the script-reading (an oft-used actor trick when they hate a script), some angry words were exchanged between Method and a M&R writer. Depending on whom you believe, Method then allegedly either punched the writer or grabbed the writer's head and pushed. No word on the damage done to the offending script, but by the end of the day, the writer was seeking employment writing jokes for rappers with a more pacific temperament. Anyone seen De La Soul recently? Those guys seemed so peaceful and centered.
The folks at Gothamist have thrown open the doors on the public beta of their Los Angeles offering, LAist. Editor Tom Berman splits his time between our fair city and New York, but really, how much time do you need to spend here to write about LA? We do the majority of our writing from our parents' basement in Omaha. Sure, the coke's not as good, but you don't have to share it with struggling actors who wander into your stall "by accident."
· What a fucking poseur: Madonna's Rocco totally bites Brooklyn Beckham's haircut. [The Sun UK]
· Harvey Weinstein is so sick of Disney CEO/F 9/11 cockblocker Michael Eisner that he might leave Miramax, a company named after his beloved parents. [Page Six]
· The last straw for Mary Kate? The Olsens "got milk" ads are sidelined out of "sensitivity to her situation." We think she's just defecting to a competing beverage's campaign: "Coke Is It." [Page Six]
· Jessica Simpson a Bond Girl. She was their third choice, behind Catherine Zeta-Jones and Britney Spears. We think there is no one better to play subtly-monikered Bond femme fatale Titsy McRetard than Simpson. [Teen Hollywood]
· Trouble in boy band/celebutante skank paradise: Nick Carter spends 1 Night Spatting In Paris [NYDN]
We hear that manager/producer Geyer Kosinksi is bolting Industry Entertainment to set up his own company (perhaps with producer Lucas Foster), and taking a battalion of Industry's junior managers with him. Kosinski's clients include high-earnin', formerly hitched Billy Bob Thornton and Angelina Jolie. Will they follow "Geyer the Liar" out the door, or hang around the wreckage of the Industry office, consoling the Left Behind? Developing...
Men of Hollywood, despair. Your hopes for a famous bride with a jaw-dropping dowry and eye-poppingly creepy cleavage have been dashed upon the rocks of temporary, celebrity matrimony. Tori Spelling is finally and officially off the market, as married actor/playwright Charlie Shanian (not pictured on left, we think) on Saturday. As Spelling-obsessed stepsister site Gawker pointed out some time ago, the couple is registered at Tiffany. Why not stroll over to their registry and play one of our favorite party games, "Which of these items wouldn't fit in the expanse separating Tori's tits?"
Rabbi Avi Shafran frets in Jewsweek about the "mad rush to embrace " the celebrity-powered Kabbalah Centre. But he tells us what we already knew: Real Jews don't do the Kabbalah Centre.
We present the four-day box-office estimates only because we've been drunk for the last four days. Today, we're paying the tab on that holiday weekend bender. Michelob Ultra is a cruel mistress.
Take a break from barbecues and low-carb beer and enjoy the wonders of cinema on this holiday weekend.
Today is a very special day indeed. On July 2nd, 1986—exactly 18 years ago—Lindsay Lohan was brought into the world. In honor of this milestone, in which Miss Lohan completes the transition from Hollywood Jailbait to Hollywood Barely Legal, we present the photo from Awful Plastic Surgery that started it all, and admit they're probably real.
