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Take a break from barbecues and low-carb beer and enjoy the wonders of cinema on this holiday weekend.

1. Spider-Man 2 — $118 million
We think it will probably break the first Spider-Man's opening weekend record of $114.8 million, if only because of multiple Drudge visits. He's got to be sure he prefers the old Spidey's bulge to Tobey's goods, and that's going to take a few viewings.

2. Fahrenheit 9/11 — $23 million
Pirated footage shot for the third part in Moore's Bush Administration Triloogy, Donald Rumsfeld Gives Hitler's Corpse A Reacharound, is already a top-seller on the Fallujah black market.

3. White Chicks — $14 million
Commercials for White Chicks have finally cured us of Wayans-brothers-in-whiteface fetish. That's a good three hours a week free from making homemade morph porn in Photoshop. Thanks, White Chicks! Stamp collecting is not nearly as hot a hobby, but the nightmares are much more manageable.

4. DodgeBall: A True Underdog Story — $13 million
Vince Vaughan rocked the handlebar moustache in Starsky & Hutch, starring Ben Stiller. Ben Stiller rocks the handlebar moustache in DodgeBall. We don't want to be accused of following a fad, so we will spare you the details of the current state of our pubic topiary.

5. The Notebook — $9 million
Defamer pleads ignorance: We have no idea what The Notebook is about, who is in it, or if this is actually a movie in current release. Still, fifth place and nine million sounds about right.