Yesterday, we remaindered a link to this story on a Czech website about Elijah Wood's nights on the town in Prague, where he's shooting the movie adaptation of annoyingly precocious novel Everything Is Illuminated. A helpful reader translates the captions of the pictures accompanying the story. (Obviously, we have no idea which caption goes with which photo, but half the fun is figuring it out.) Young Hollywood really knows how to turn the motherfucking party out in former Soviet bloc cities! Photos here, here, and here.

Hollywood's leading men have headed to the DNC, looking to get laid among the willing, starstruck pool of political groupies, binge-drinking delegates, and overheated media animals. Ben Affleck uses Rush & Molloy to pimp for him, floating a variation of the whoa-is-me fame-whine: ""It's difficult. I meet people, but I feel like I'm this walking nightmare."

—A Czech website has pictures of Elijah "Frodo" Wood partying in Prague, where's he's filming Everything Is Illuminated We have no idea what the accompanying story is about, but he seems to be having a good time openly smoking cigarettes and making friends with the locals.
—Comic geeks successfully lure celebs to last weekend's convention.
—Yankee Pot Roast loves lovin' the I Love The [Insert Decade] shows on VH1.
—Monica Bellucci utilizes Good Plastic Surgery to go from "really hot" to "ridiculous hot."
—Screech is a shitty tipper. Our last Hollywood illusion has finally been shattered. Prepare for our wrath now that we've really got nothing to lose. [via New Yorkish]

The Defamer correspondent on Truly Bad Movies Being Passed Off As Camp By Gay-Savvy Marketers sends us a pic and a small dispatch from last night's "interactive screening" of Showgirls at the Vista:

Say what you want about Kabbalah's rampage through Hollywood, but ever since Britney got tossed into the back of the white van by Madonna, she's really turned her life around. She recovered from a knee injury with incredible speed, she's eating better, drinking better, she's got a great man in her life, she's tighter than ever with her family, and constantly exploring new business opportunities. Maybe we can all learn a lesson from Brit. Let's all pick up some red string bracelets, bone up on our Zohar, and enjoy the our new, improved selves as we strive toward immortality. See you all at the Target on LaBrea in ten minutes!

A Boston.com reader snaps this pic of troublemaking writer/American hero Robert Smigel and Triumph the Insult Comic Dog (with cigar, at left) getting bounced from the DNC. Of course, this just may have been a stunt for his documentary, but we prefer to think that they ejected Triumph for asking Teresa Heinz Kerry what it's like to get doggystyled by the hound-faced Senator from Massachusetts.

We hate to take another plunge into the dirty waters of Page Six, but since we think that we knew about Kirsten Dunst and Jake Gyllenhaal splitting before he did, we feel like we have a responsibility to keep everyone updated. It seems that Kirsten stomped on Jake's heart at least partly due to the growing economic disparity between them, as "they come from different worlds," and "she's making some serious money." Yeah, it seems obvious that Spider-Man money is a lot better than gay cowboy money, but it's always hard to see our town's super-rich dump the merely rich. We hope that Jake doesn't shake his romantic funk by trying to rock Hollywood's socioeconomic order; better to drown his sorrows in a hot tub full of struggling Cheesecake Factory waitresses than to risk more heartache when the next It Girl uses her natural assets to break the bank.

Ben Affleck isn't the only puppet wandering the DNC. Variety reports that genius comedy writer Robert Smigel is running around with his hand jammed up the rubber ass of Triumph the Insult Comic Dog, harassing the delegates for a documentary of his own and snagging interviews with the likes of Michael Moore and Arianna Huffington. Someone should probably check Affleck's anal column for a controlling forearm; he's been so maniacally on-message that we wouldn't be surprised if someone from the Kerry team is working him like a cheap sock.

Degree of difficulty: 8.5 out of 10

· More on the Ben Affleck DNC watch: Affleck comes out against "runaway production." He's so upset that American movies are being shot outside of our borders that he admits to taking less money to keep productions in California, but stops just short of pledging a messy suicide the next time he sees a Canadian pushing a dolly. "It's criminal...It makes me sick. I can't stand it..." [THR]
· Rebecca Romijn-Stamos to star as Ben Affleck's cheating wife in the "Hollywood lives are so much more interesting than yours, Joe Fucking Sixpack in Skokie" drama Man About Town. Political activist Affleck is a part-time actor when his Washington schedule allows. [THR]

Yes, yes, "Seacrest out...of a job, for good, forever, etc etc." On-Air With Ryan Seacrest has been canceled. And everything seemed to be going so well! Just yesterday, Seacrest was getting lean and mean, cutting away 20 demo-diluting television stations to streamline his audience and focus on the viewers who really care. We're floored. Who could've known that giving the blandest of spikey-haired, effeminate honkeys a chance to interview the B-list's most eager product-pluggers would be anything less than a smash hit?

Nancy Moonves, ex-wife of Viacom co-president/octogenarian-baiting television pusher Les Moonves, is still so upset that he left her to put his penis into the younger vagina of Big Brother host Julie Chen that she can't even watch CBS anymore. And according to Page Six, she's lashing out at other Hollywood execs who've dumped their wives for the pleasures of younger orifices of any kind, calling one wife-dumping power-homo a "fruitcake" in front of his daughter. Yes, she seems a tad bitter, but don't go judging Nancy. If your ex was poised to enslave all of humanity with the power of a media conglomerate and a hypnotic, trillion-watt smile that melts the panties off second-rate reality show hosts, you'd snap once in a while too. To paraphrase philosopher-king Rick James, Les is a hell of a drug.

Ben Affleck is everywhere at the DNC. Not since Barbarella decided that Vietnam wasn't so groovy has an actor gathered so much attention in the arena of "show business for ugly people." The media's got all of bases covered:

Here's some symmetry for you: Just one day after it was announced that Mary-Kate Olsen finished rehab for her "eating disorder," Courtney Love is sentenced to 18 months of rehab for "drugs." We don't actually need to use quotes around "drugs," since the judge wasn't trying to save that interesting reputation of hers by pretending she had a gambling or sex-addiction problem, but we're just so steeped in ironic punctuation over here that we can't stop. If she really wants to keep her nose clean, maybe she can tag along to NYU with the twins. Her only danger would be getting her "Twinkies" cut with some "Ding Dongs" by some small-time dorm "nutritionist" trying to earn a little extra "tuition money."

—Kevin Federline's ex tells Brit she should worry about where Kevin has previously put his penis and demand that he get an HIV test before they get hitched. If Brit's really interested in playing it safe, she'd only touch 'Lil Kev through a radiation suit. And even then, she should use the salad tongs. [via Jossip]
—J. Lo's one-arm bandit-yanking Mom prefers gambling buddy Ben to Marc Anthony. Life at the slots gets so lonely once you've won that first couple of million.
—What's up-and-coming MTV superstar Wonkette wearing at the convention? Watch out, TRL viewers, she's a streaker when she drinks!
—Why we gave up on ideas of success years ago: inferior, civilian genetics.

Electablog, among the blogging throng in Boston covering the DNC, snaps a pic of Young Hollywood in political action. In its ruthless quest to sign up every 15-year-old voter in the country, the Dems trotted out The OC's Benjamin McKenzie, who (according to someone who watched the speech) told the crowd that he "didn't vote last time, but will this time." That's the spirit, Ben. Hold on, an intern is telling me that 15-year-olds can't vote. Shit, does Chino know about this? Maybe he can lobby for some election reform! Just as long as we let them all vote by text message, it should work out at least as smoothly as it did last time.

We know what we said about Adam Brody and Rachel Bilson sightings, and no, The OC darlings are not currently fucking on our gazeebo. But when someone writes in to tell us all about the breaking of their Seth Cohen-spotting cherry, we can't in good conscience pass up the opportunity to share the touching tale with the world.

After four movies, Pierce Brosnan is quitting as James Bond, Brit superspy and sex-addicted chaser of pun-named femme fatale tail, according to an "exclusive interview" with Entertainment Weekly. Brosnan's departure should have been apparent the second anyone saw him in that West Hollywood barbershop poster mustache, but this news nonetheless plunges the Bond franchise into chaos. Let wild speculation begin as to the identity of Brosnan's successor, as every actor with an British/Irish/Australian accent has been named as a possibility, including Clive Owen, Hugh Jackman, Jude Law, Heath Ledger, Ewan McGregor, Eric Bana, Mr. Bean, and the ghost of Benny Hill. We think they should just sign up Owen, throw him in a tux (he probably still has his from Croupier), and let him loose on Miss Moneypenny and Clitty Cumwell.

MGM is hosting an "interactive screenings" of historic cinematic failure Showgirls at the Vista theater in Los Feliz tonight to celebrate the release of a DVD "V.I.P. Special Edition" of the movie. The strategy: "Buy our enormous piece of shit, now rendered appealing because we're finally in on the joke." Masochist screening attendees will receive a "goodie bag" of props (such as fake c-notes) to hurl at the screen to mark moments of forced, ironic enjoyment of the horrid spectacle. (BYO human scat for maximum fun!) Before you shake your head and say, "It's wasn't that bad," remember this: The movie committed the twin sins of desensitizing us to exposed breasts and rendering fucking in a swimming pool unsexy and ridiculous.

Hollywood PrivacyWatch celebrity sightings are sent in by readers. Send yours to tips@defamer.com, and let John Tesh know that you're not particularly a fan of his New Age synthesizer music or taste in sensible, wrinkle-proof slacks.