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Yes, yes, "Seacrest out...of a job, for good, forever, etc etc." On-Air With Ryan Seacrest has been canceled. And everything seemed to be going so well! Just yesterday, Seacrest was getting lean and mean, cutting away 20 demo-diluting television stations to streamline his audience and focus on the viewers who really care. We're floored. Who could've known that giving the blandest of spikey-haired, effeminate honkeys a chance to interview the B-list's most eager product-pluggers would be anything less than a smash hit?

Next up for Seacrest: An extended Xanax holiday one pill short of a suicide attempt, lasting until the producers of American Idol wake him for the next season.