Cellphones are everywhere now, so clichés about their ubiquity among L.A.'s constantly-yammering citizens are pretty stale. But Blogging.la's Sean Bonner notices something that may boost our city back to the top of the annoying mobile-obsessed heap. Check it out, even our homeless guys have Nokias!

Wrap yourself in the warm blanket that was this weekend's unsurprising box office results.

If you thought we were going to use the occasion of George Lucas' tossing of this latest fan-kibble to bash nerds for their inevitable slobbering over the next to Star Wars movie, you'd be wrong. We just wanted to congratulate Lucas on resisting the impulse to cover pouty Hayden Christensen in retro-futuristic Snuggle detergent mascots and Rastafarian caricatures. Way to go, George! You're finally listening.

While the Hollywood No-Fun Police are cracking down on Silly String use with $1,000 fines, stun-guns, and headshot shredding for all offenders, we're pretty sure they'll still look the other way while everyone openly voids their bladders in the middle of the celebrating crowd. There are some proud traditions The Man can't afford to mess with.

We'd like to take a moment to thank this week's sponsors, whose support keeps everything west of Highland Avenue from breaking off and floating into the ocean. If you'd like to advertise on Defamer, see this page.

The L.A. Weekly's Steve Mikulan survives the local production of the A Very Merry Unauthorized Children’s Scientology Pageant without being thrown in the back of a white van and beaten with bamboo sticks until all of his thetans fell out. He does admit that things seemed a little dicey before the curtains went up:

Why not spend this weekend ignoring the din of trick-or-treaters' lilting voices, resist the impulse to tamper with their candy, and head out to the movies?

The Zulkey.com blog corrals Village Voice gossip eminence/ubiquitous VH1 talking head Michael Musto for a few questions, and Musto reveals his forecast for the coming Year in Paris:

· The DreamWorks Animation IPO uses the success of Shark's Tale to fuel a Wall Street feeding frenzy (please excuse the self-conscious shark pun—at least we didn't repeat THR's use of "swimmingly"). CEO Jeffrey Katzenberg is now considering wallpapering the DreamWorks Ani offices with twenty dollar bills, while saving the Ben Franklins for the toilet paper rolls in the executive washroom. [THR]
· Highly respected, Pulitzer-winning novelist Michael Chabon continues to attract Hollywood's filthy lucre, signing on to write Snow and the Seven, a martial-arts reimagining of Snow White, for Disney. [THR]
· Fox puts all of its promotional eggs into The O.C.'s basket, hoping that they can move in and crush some of Jeff Zucker's weakened Thursday night You May Want To See This, If You Aren't Busy TV lineup. Failure is not an option, lest Fox fall back on its trademark thrown-together, brain damage inducing reality shows.[Variety, sub. req'd.]
· Hollywood Out of Ideas XIX: Paramount, Hollywood's home of lazy remake ideas, has Scott Rudin producing a new version of 50's schlock-horror pic The Blob, about a rampaging ball of jelly eats everything in its path. We're really dying to make a Harvey Weinstein (who is a fat guy!) joke here, but will take the high road and pass on the opportunity. (Harvey's fat! Like a blob!) [THR]

Film Stew's Andy Jones returns to his "See Where Andy Goes" column after a craving for Pioneer Chicken goes terribly awry. (We think that God was just trying to save him from the far worse damage that eating there surely would have caused.) He spots Scientology's First Couple in the midst of some oddly conspicuous PDA at the Hollywood Film Festival:

As the Hollywood Trial of the Century marches on with arguments about CAA's payments to Michael Ovitz while he flailed through his ill-conceived presidency at Disney, the LAT pauses to sketch a picture of the Hollywood Bizarro World that is the sleepy town of Georgetown, Delaware:

We woke up this morning (our usual ritual involves bolting upright, covered in icy sweat from that evening's Hilton-related nightmare), we realized that we still owe you the responses to yesterday's blind item guessing game. Refresh your memory about One Flying Blind Vice:

This press release from CBS threatens to destroy everything we thought we knew about Ashlee Simpson, acid reflux disease, and uncomfortable moments of panic-induced jigging:

Everyone's got skeletons from the 80s in their closet, even the new kid at the LAT. At least he's got a sense of humor about it, leaving his skeleton lying around on his web page. Join us in celebrating the staggering awesomeosity of the bitchingest mullet ever rocked.

· NBC and ABC race to be the first to exploit 9/11 for shoddy, ratings-boosting miniseries. The early lead goes to NBC for invoking 80s nuclear holocaust series The Day After in its concept description. Sounds classy and sensitive to national suffering already! [THR]
· Revolution Studios, fearless promoter of mind-rotting cinema, will produce the romantic comedy Made in Italy, in which an American has to win over the crazy, ethnic-stereotyped family of her boyfriend. Not since My Big Fat Greek Wedding has a Mediterranean people had such an exciting opportunity to be portrayed as backwards and annoying by Hollywood. [THR]
· King of the Hill/Simpsons writer Rich Appel mines his own unhappy marital history for laughs, getting a pilot commitment from CBS for a divorce sitcom. Appel also gets in the quote of the day: "I would love to do a show that does for divorced America what Will & Grace did for gay America." We wish him good luck in his quest to make everyone think divorcees are incredibly tiresome and petty eunuchs. [Variety, sub. req'd.]
· Hey, kids, more Revolution Studios news! At least this time they're only expending their crap capital on a remake of the John Carpenter horror flick The Fog. They wouldn't want to throw away too much money on original crap. [THR]
· Fox's Nielsen master plan is falling into place, as they ride big World Series clinching game numbers into the rollout of their fall season. Also, LAX continues to bomb, but now in a fresh timeslot. They should really bring in Heather Locklear to save that show. [Variety, sub. req'd.]

Wherein we invite our readers to bravely risk a likely prose-induced cerebral hemorrhage and guess the identity of humpy E! gossip Ted Casablanca's weekly blind item This week, Ted laments a lack of secrecy-shrouded gay orgies involving ostensibly straight actors as he sets the stage for One Flying Blind Vice:

Celebrity Justice has a video from actor Rip Torn's DUI stop in January, footage that further proves our new theory that actors become infinitely more entertaining once they cross into their 70s. Is there anything funnier than a soused thespian bickering with cops while struggling to maintain his balance? We say: No, there is not. Observe the following exchange that took place when the police asked Torn to submit to a sobriety test, complete with the kind of rat-a-tat banter that wouldn't have been out of place on The Larry Sanders Show:

In today's Rush & Molloy column in the NY Daily News, Peter O'Toole adorably vents his spleen about the disappointment that was Troy. What, Brad Pitt in a skirt wasn't a good enough premise to carry a mega-budgeted historical epic?

In a bizarre, yet poignantly romantic, turn of events in the Hollywood Trial of the Century yesterday, Michael Ovitz lamented the disintegration of his very, very close friendship with Disney CEO Michael Eisner.

Retarded Riverdance fascimile not included.