We were just crunching some Academy Awards prediction numbers, but little did we know, our research is irrelevant. According to a mega fanboy, it's all about Dawn of the Dead:

America loves its lesbians, blacks, and those funny crazy Jews—at least, from safely behind the glass of a television. Third-year-running first-place queen Oprah, plus Jon Stewart, Ellen Degeneres, and Bill Cosby are all up in the Harris annual poll of most popular TV personalities.

Just kidding. But seriously, if you're gonna do some devious business crap or deviant personal insanity, do it today. No one's paying attention. Here's all we could scavenge from the desiccated trades today:

In case your subscription to International Scientology News—or Cult News— has lapsed, it's been reported that the December issue has a doozy of a photo of Tom Cruise getting heavy-medalled by David Miscavige, Chairman of the Board of the Religious Technology Center. If I'd known there would be pretty diamond-studded jewelry involved when I took that personality test on Hollywood Boulevard, I'd be all up in that Scientology spaceship by now.

If you're famous, please please don't die in the next 48 hours, because the news folk have already put together their lists of everyone who died this year. Just hold on until New Year's Day.

There's something about the end-of-year corporate memo that's always just a litttttle bit creepy—especially if you're Viacom. Basically, let us summarize this year's mashnote from Viacom honcho Sumner Redstone, which we assume was largely ghost-written by Viacom chief media expansionist and serial semi-monogamist Les Moonves as he cackled and covered himself in the blood of lesser, warmer-blooded television executives:

· Blockbuster Video pressures rival Hollywood Video to sell, saying it's in the best interest of their shareholders. But is it in our best interest? Don't we deserve, nay, require, two video store chains to go between so as to constantly dodge our late fees? [THR]
· Restored Eisenstein classic The Battleship Potemkin to be screened at the 2005 Berlin International Film Festival. Cinema students from around the world will marvel at the "Odessa Steps" sequence, then promptly flee the theatre before being bored senseless. [THR]
· 267 films are eligible for Oscars this year, leaving Academy members with a lot to ponder. Fear not: crystal meth suppliers are at the ready! [THR]
· Jay Mohr will host Sundance Channel festival wrap up show, Festival Dailies. [Variety,
sub. req'd.]
· Despite the nation's unabated interest in elections, disasters, and Petersons, cable news ratings were down in 2004. [Variety, sub. req'd.]
· Acting unions likely to end up with same deal as writers and directors, but with more flair and intrigue along the way. [Variety, sub. req'd.]

In the January 3rd, 2005, issue of the New Yorker, Anthony Lane rips Andrew Lloyd Webber and Joel Schumacher's Phantom of the Opera into tiny, bloody chunks, comparing the flick to a "special-edition remix of a Duran Duran video." It's definitely the feel-good review of 2005 already.

Intrade, the "stock exchange" which handles everything from weather to elections, has put up its major category Academy Awards odds. The money is heavy on Aviator and Scorsese; Million Dollar Baby is riding its extreme buzz pretty strongly though, and pulling along Eastwood right behind Scorsese. They're totally buying the Jamie Foxx hype, too, which makes us want to give Paul Giamatti a greasy, self-hating hug. And insanely, they've got Leo DiCaprio in third place for Best Actor. Whatever.

Jerry Orbach, the badass Lennie Briscoe of Law and Order, is reportedly dead at the age of 69.

Exactly how does one write an AP headline like "Celebrities Among Victims of Tsunami" and sleep at night?

Amy Alkon points us in the direction of California's new Megan's Law website—and it couldn't BE more fun! It's like Friendster for the molester set! And you just know the new sex offender registry has caused a panic on the lots right now; somewhere, as we speak, a producer is eyeing an auditioning teen...

· Adam Baldwin joins cast of Fox drama The Inside as a "tough, seasoned FBI agent, a man's man with 25 years on the job." [THR]
· Lifetime movie of the week catches President Bush's eye, prompts him to pass the Video Voyeurism Protection Act. The act makes secretly taping people a federal crime, unless your name is Cheney. Perhaps more important though, is the revelation that the President is watching Lifetime (Television for Women (and Homos)), and can be communicated to through said outlet. Look out for the network's new series Get us the Fuck Out of Iraq, this spring. [THR]
· Oscar Ballots were sent out this weekend, and in the holiday mail rush, are sure to end up unfilled, on Hollywood's mantle, next to Brian Grazer's children. [THR]
· It's official: everyone got an iPod for Christmas, except you. (And except for those of you who got Sirius radios, to whom we say: ha ha!) [THR]

We know the workload is high and the morale is low at Miramax, but really, putting The Avitor in the title bar of The Aviator's official site is just a sad cry for help.

Expectedly, Monday morning's Christmas weekend box office projections were a little off—hey, we were drunk, why shouldn't the folks who do screen math have been a wee bit tanked too? The good news soon to be trumpeted by publicist Marleah Leslie & Associates is a triumph of the emaciated over the plump: Jim Carrey pulls Lemony Snicket (barely) into second place behind Fockers, and Fat Albert plops down to third place.

Whoo, it's a paper-thin gossip day:

Despite the rain—uh, and completely foul weather today—traffic is but a forgotten memory this vacation week. Still nothing does us right like a little road rage on Fountain, recounted on Blogging.la:

Wedged between the "Non-Union Docu-Drama" and "Personal Assistant, Adult entertainment business" Craigslist solicitations—which are certainly both delicious in their own ways— is this little casting gem:

· Add to the list of fucked-up things about California: no Prada snakeskin handbags for you beach-going lasses, as the sale of python skin is inexplicably illegal in the golden state. What's next—a ban on panda-paw slippers? [StylePhile]
· Ah, the World Entertainment News Network does us right again, delivering what might be our favorite sentence of the last few months: "The OC star Mischa Barton has big plans for 2005 - she hopes to learn how to drive and buy her first home." [IMDB/WENN]
· The last year in which none of the five Best Picture Oscar nominations had made more than $100 mil? 1989. [Hot Blog]
· Alleged Paige Davis sex tape allegedly not of Paige Davis. [Reality Blurred]

· In the dark alleys of Europe, "obscure" execs challenge Rupert Murdoch's monopoly on Pay TV with their sinister new technologies and low prices. Here at Fox, from the fifth floor of building 100, an old Aussie weeps. "Fie! Fie on ye, progress!" [Variety, sub. req'd.]
· Disney execs face "incentive revisions." Happy holidays! [Variety, sub. req'd.]
· Baio returns to the small screen with NBC comedy produced by Jace Richdale. In it, Baio stars as a 40-something guy who moves in with a 20 year old and subsequently "turns his life upside down." So, like Charles in Charge, plus 20 years, minus Nicole Eggert. [THR]
· 2005 Television ad market looking "cloudy." In unrelated news, 2005 product placement market looking "egregious." [THR]
· The Incredibles paves way for new subgenre: superheroes vaguely reminiscent of comic books characters, but not so much as to require the exchanging of money. [THR]
· Rap "star" Kurupt and David Carradine to star in one of the more ridiculous movie ideas in recent memory, the urban Western Click. [THR]