[Photo Credit: Getty Images]

Extreme endurance artist David Blaine has certainly stunned the world before with his well-publicized stunts—from spending three weeks journeying through an (unfortunately impacted) Blue Whale's digestive system, to the time he was flash-frozen inside a block of carbonite atop the Arc de Triomphe. But it was the seemingly simplest of tasks that eluded him: breaking the world record for breath-holding, previously held by a centenarian fisherman from Tanzania rumored by villagers to have been sired by a frog. All that changed today on The Oprah Winfrey Show of all places, where the low-talking illusionist was deprived of oxygen for an amazing 17 minutes and 4 seconds. We've included video of the final two, during which an increasingly agitated Oprah grips the thigh of the monitoring physician beside her, asking reasonable enough questions along the lines of, "OK, his eyes just crossed, his skin turn blue, and he slowly floated to the surface. Is that considered a bad sign?"

Droopy-eyed magician David Blaine, a man who sounds high at all times, went on Oprah's show today to try to break the world record for holding one's breath underwater. Not to give away the ending, but he did it! Seventeen minutes. Perhaps his success will inspire him to go freeze himself in a block of ice, or lock himself away in a box, or some other activity that will take him out of the public eye. The actual clip of the breath-holding, as you might imagine, is not very thrilling to watch. So instead, after the jump we've put a clip of his video blog leading up to the stunt, in which he explains his motivation while sounding high. And another clip of that trick where he ties his shoes with no hands, which is way cooler than holding your breath any day.

· We think we have a worthy successor to the Star Wars Holiday Special for the most blasphemous use of the property, like, ever. That said, that Darth Banker's a hard-ass, isn't he? $49,000? But there's five large amounts still left in play—including the million! [Deal or No Deal]
· "Organizers of a major California music festival are offering a $10,000 reward and four festival tickets for life in exchange for ex-Pink Floyd frontman Roger Waters' two-story inflatable pig." [Reuters]
· David Blaine will try to break the 17-minute world record for breath holding on The Oprah Winfrey Show, which is fine and all, but it's no Criss Angel mindfreaking her brains out. [AP]
· Her new six-hour-a-day workout regimen sometimes requires that Britney Spears walk around the gym wearing nothing but a towel. [Daily Mail]
· Paramount takes a heavy swig of the Blu-Ray Kool-Aid (which, oddly enough, tastes like raspberry with a slightly bitter after-taste). [THR]

The always-surprising, always-annoying David Blaine plans on staying awake for 13 days for his next "stunt," and Keith Richards has some anecdotal advice for him. As Richards' latest bout of playing Dr. Phil proves, Blaine's newest idea isn't so original; Keef already decided to see what would happen by forcing himself not to sleep for 9 consecutive days back in the '70s. As Richards told the SF Gate, "On the ninth day...I fell asleep and crashed headfirst into a JVC speaker, smashing my nose apart. I just lay there and let it bleed. It was a chemical thing." While we're sure these rocker words of wisdom won't deter Blaine's masterful and magical plans, we do suggest he avoids snorting ashes and takes Keith's advice to nose-proof whatever fish tank he envisions pulling this off inside of. [SF Gate]

David Blaine is known for "magic tricks" that bear a suspicious similarity to fraternity hazing rituals, including being locked in a Plexiglass box and frozen in a block of ice.

From the mailbag:

• Michael Richards, the remix. That didn't take long. [Complex]
  

· Because we know you'd never speak to us again if we let a paparazzi photo of Lindsay Lohan's not-so-elusive naughty bits go by without a link, here you go (NSFW). We hope you feel just as dirty as we do.
Soggy illusionist/modelizer David Blaine plans on staging his next feat of incredible endurance with the help of Michael Jackson, with Blaine locking himself inside a 10-foot-by-10-foot Lucite box with Jackson, five Make-a-Wish kids, and a case of cheap wine for a week. Blaine is not expected to survive the stunt.
OJ Simpson's lawyer cordially invites the Goldmans to try and get their share of his client's Big Book Of How I Would Have Stabbed My Ex-Wife And Her Lover To Death money, but denies that the Juice has a secret place where's he's going to hide his cut.
Being a nerd desperate for one of the first PS3 systems is more dangerous than you'd think.
UCLA students: "Don't taser us!" Sure, now they say it.

The time: 12 p.m.
The date: October 21st
The place: Bubby's, 120 Hudson Street
Sighted: Saw David Blaine at Bubby's Saturday around noon, making some pancakes disappear. Looked a little bloated.

David Copperfield claims that he's found the Fountain of Youth in the Bahamas, meaning that not even the normal human birth-death cycle can now free us from an eternity of TV specials centered around lame illusions involving the "disappearance" of various landmarks. Just don't let anyone tell David Blaine, OK? Nobody wants to see how long he can hold his breath while submerged in that shit.
There is perhaps no better footwear for kicking your friends in the balls than Converse's new Jackass model sneaker Unless you're trying to sterilize your buddies, in which case some steel-toed Timberlands will do a pretty nice job.
The Daily Gut makes the bold prediction that by December, Ashlee Simpson will have had enough plastic surgery to finally release the inner camel she's been trying to free for years.
Maybe Paris Hilton's vagina is only going for $10 on eBay because she announced she's not going to use it for a year.

• Seventeen EIC Atoosa Rubenstein continues to drop verbal gems wherever she goes. At Gotham Hall last night, she let it be known that in high school, no one wanted to have sex with her because of her hairy "werewolf legs." Well, now we know. But we wish we didn't. [Muckracked]
• We can't help it, but we're still kind of loving the cracktarded TMZ. Their paparazzi video clips are priceless — watch Nicole Richie walk out of a doctor's office and feel the magic for yourselves! [TMZ]
• And in other emaciated starlet news, Lindsay Lohan is seen kissing Kate Moss's latest boy, 21-year-old bartender Jaime Burke. Could he be the K-Fed of the coke crowd? [People]
• The Times blog development team has some major security issues to deal with. [Daily Gotham]
• Amazingly enough, the New Yorker manages to take all the joy out of Astoria's Bohemian Hall Beer Garden with one simple review. [NYer]
• Tom Cruise can conquer the world — but a car door, not so much. [Got Detroit]
• Bloomberg visits the set of the Nanny Diaries. He just adored the book, y'know? [Newsday]
• Thankfully, we can always turn to Williamsboard to remind us that hipsters have no reservations about being just as stereotypical as ever. [Williamsboard]
• Bad news: After spending a week submerged in a tank full of bombast, David Blaine's hands and feet seem to be returning back to normal. [ABC]

It's an incredible relief to discover that despite the many physical problems that David Blaine incurred in failing to set the coveted breath-holding record, the part of his brain regulating the release of vital attention-whoring neurochemicals was unaffected by his extended stay in that flooded hamster ball.

• Magician David Blaine Leaves Hospital [AP]

Last night's Lincoln Center shitshow served as a pleasant reminder that David Blaine isn't a magician so much as a stunt man — and an inept one at that. After spending 7 days pruning in his human aquarium, the showboat emerged to wrap himself in chains and go back under in an attempt to hold his breath for nine minutes and thus break a world record. Alas, he came up for air two minutes short of the record. Pussy.

After a week of submersion in his captivating stunt bubble, New York will finally be relieved of magician David Blaine tonight as he plans to emerge from his freshwater aquarium. According to plans, Blaine will climb out, dramatically wrap himself in 150 lbs. of chains, and then re-enter the dunk tank to hold his breath for 9 minutes while breaking free from the bonds of publicity.

Insert your own "his act is pretty much masturbation anyway" joke here.

Well, OK, maybe the second biggest danger. After having everyone think you're a cheesy self-promoting tool.

· Authors Robert Creeley, Michael Chabon, Richard Ford, and Charles Johnson are all part of the State Department's new Charlotte Beers-designed rah-rah-America campaign. [Page Six]
· Tina Brown invites both Bill Clinton and Monica Lewinsky to her send-off for Bill Bratton. [Page Six]
· Creepy "magician" David Blaine is working out at the Duomo gym on East 26th and taping the sessions for later use in a documentary. [Page Six]
· Cardinal Egan tells Mary Higgins Clark that 2002 has been "the worst year of [his] life." [Page Six]
· Celeb overseas ad sites (i.e., Leo DiCaprio hawking Suzuki's Wagon-R: "Go, Wagon-R! Don't give up, my little friend!") threatened with lawsuits; mobbed-up New York ex-club kingpin Chris Paciello's life will be chronicled in a movie directed by Kimberly Peirce; and Pamela Anderson is teaching Sunday School. [NY Daily News