It's somewhat disappointing that Evan Lysacek, Pam Anderson, Kate Gosselin, and Ochocinco were cast for a show and won't be clashing in a shared home. But DWTS Season 10's draw is precisely the opposite spectacle: Public figures improving their images.

Dustin Hoffman's starring in the Deadwood guy's new series. The Dancing with the Stars cast is out. Everyone's partying at the Oscars. The UN pitches movies. Welcome to the roundup, care for a cookie? Too bad. We don't have any.

File this one under why the hell not. Mike Tyson brings his face tattoos and staggering lack of dancing talent to Italy's version of DWTS. His appearance should be considered a complete success as he didn't punch a single person.

It's a sad world, but there are things to make us happy, like births and newly-single male models! Look for birthing, dying, and marrying info about Ellen DeGeneres, Erich Segal, Pernell Roberts, Octomom, and a host of others.

The Smashing Pumpkins frontman can now add Jessica Simpson as another notch in his rather unfortunate bedpost. Billy, it's time to stop dating below you and get back to work doing something great. We have suggestions.

Today at Gawker.TV, Sesame Street slanders Fox News, Anthony Bourdain ruins your Thanksgiving, a gang of Turkeys steal a little boy's bike, Dancing With the Stars has technical difficulties, and we discovered that the "flash mob" viral-sensation is played out.

While recapping last nights Dancing With the Stars finale, the sound abruptly cut out and cut to a shot of the back of Miss Piggy's lifeless head. A flustered Tom Bergeron cut to commercial. This clip has not been edited.

The bar certainly isn't set high on Dancing With The Stars. Last night, Kelly Osbourne wriggled and floundered around the stage in a sparkly dress to "I Will Survive" (obviously) for two minutes. And the judges freaking loved it.

This, and other burning questions, will terrorize you for nights on end after you read this article on the art of telegenic spray-tan sculpting.

Dancing With the Stars goes from camp to pure insanity when Donny Osmond, dressed as Jacko and wearing lipstick, dances the paso doble with Cyndi Lauper within the flashing interior of a Simon Says toy while LaToya Jackson looks on.

• There may be other suitors for NBC in addition to Comcast. Like News Corp. And Liberty Media. And Time Warner. Or maybe not. Time Warner CEO Jeff Bewkes, for one, says he isn't interested. [THR, DHD, Gawker, AdAge]
• More on the sale of BusinessWeek: "Knowledgeable sources" say Bloomberg is paying $2-$5 million in cash for the mag. And another source reports the mag will be changing its name to Bloomberg BusinessWeek. Naturally. [BW, NYT]
• The war between the White House and Fox News goes on. [NYDN, ABC, CJR]
• If you notice TV commercials seem more upbeat than usual, it's because the advertising world has decided to be cheerful and optimistic again. [NYT]
• The Atlantic has determined that NBC CEO Jeff Zucker and New York Times publisher Arthur Sulzberger Jr. are "Brave Thinkers," for some reason. [NYO]

Haha no that is just a joke about the last time he quit something, back when we all hoped he'd got to jail. No, former House Majority leader Tom DeLay is quitting the TV dancing show because he hurt his widdle foots.

Tom Delay quit Dancing with the Stars because his feet are broken. And he stinks.

• The Condé Nast shake-up continues: A day after the company shuttered four titles, it's ousted the publisher of Details. And rumor has it the Condé cuts may now "inspire" similar such moves at Hearst and Time Inc. [AdAge, NYT, NYP]
• Ruth Reichl says she was completely surprised by the news Gourmet was closing. (She says she's planning to write a book about her years there.) And Gourmet's offices have since been completely cleared out. [NYT, Gawker]
• David Letterman should apologize on his show every night. His latest mea culpa generated better ratings than anything NBC aired during primetime. [AP]
• CBS is talking to Nancy Grace about hosting a Judge Judge clone. [B&C]
• The only big media company hiring and not firing? Bloomberg LP. [Crain's]

His nickname was literally "The Hammer." He was a thuggish, corrupt former exterminator who ran the House of Representatives like it was an organized crime family.. He loved wars and tax cutting and gerrymandering and fucking over opponents. He is Maureen Dowd's dream man.

• Friends worry Jessica Simpson is "at the lowest point of her life" now that she's lost her beloved dog, Daisy. Others say she's coping "better than her friends may realize." Either way, we she's probably feeling much better now that her friends are sharing her innermost feelings with the tabloids. [People]
• The man suspected of breaking into Lindsay Lohan's house wasn't a complete stranger: The two reportedly hung out on the set of her film Labor Pains last year. The girl's not the best judge of character, as you've probably realized by now. [TMZ]
• The drugs that were prescribed to Anna Nicole Smith amounted to "pharmaceutical suicide," according to newly unsealed court documents that were obtained by the LA Times. Most disturbing: The documents also reveal that both of Anna Nicole's doctors "transgressed professional boundaries by having sexual contact with their famous patient." [LAT]
• Michelle Obama gave Barack the silent treatment at points during his campaign for president because she was pissed about all the women throwing themselves at him, according to a new book. There was even a hot young campaign aide who was mysteriously "relocated" after developing a close relationship with the President. [NYDN, P6]
• Did you catch President Obama's appearance on Letterman last night? [MTV]

Courtney Love may or may not have been spotted peeing. Mischa Barton may or may not live in reality. And David Hasselhoff definitely got drunk. Welcome to your Monday morning Gossip Roundup!

That's because Mad Men and 30 Rock will take the big prizes. For the second year in a row, shows we actually like are poised to take home the gold. Neil Patrick Harris is hosting too!

In the future, meaning later this afternoon, the state will immediately all criminals and public enemies grant starring roles on prime time television shows. Look forward soon to Charles Manson's season on Top Chef and Bernie Madoff's Rock of Love.

• Just as Jude Law is getting ready to play Hamlet on Broadway next month, his most recent baby mama, model Samantha Burke, has her lawyers offering up an exclusive interview and pics of their soon-to-be-born love child. Ah, there's nothing like milking a little publicity. [P6]
• Madonna bailed on Marc Jacobs' after-party at Hiro on Monday eve despite attending his show. Not to worry: Lindsay Lohan, Mischa Barton, and Rachel Zoe were all there, so there were plenty of people to stir up trouble. [NYDN]
• It looks like LiLo has made her 15-year-old sister, Ali, her new partner-in-crime when she goes out to party at night. We have a feeling this isn't going to end well. [MSNBC]
• Michelle Williams opens up about Heath Ledger's death in Vogue's October issue: "After the first year, the pain is less intense; it's less immediate... But every time I really miss him and wonder where he's gone, I just look at [Matilda]," she tells the magazine. [Vogue]