• Fountains, a group art show, takes its cues from a urinal. A urinal and a dream. [flavorpill]
• Speaking of pee, former urine haven McCarren Park Pool hosts a screening of The French Connection. Music starts at 7, movie at sunset. [SummerScreen]
• If there is anyone worth schelpping to Long Island for, it's Bret Michaels. Poison plays at Jones Beach tonight; bring extra lighters for "Every Rose Has Its Thorn." [Paper]

In the second installment on its series on Hollywood's desperate attempts to recapture the attention of teens who are abandoning the multiplex in favor of simultaneous sessions of text messaging, ringtone downloading, and snorting of crushed Ritalin, the LAT relates a moment of clarity achieved by David Gale of MTV Films while observing one of these beautiful, demographically desirable creatures in temporary captivity:

In an item that was seemingly paid for by the Joint Council on Rehabilitating Lindsay Lohan's Image and Making the Tightest Celebrity Glory Hole in Hollywood Seem as Wholesome as a Mormon Daycare Center, Fox 411's Roger Friedman ventures deep into the darkest recesses of Hyde, the currently most-favored, velvet-roped walk-in closet of local scenesters. And what he finds there will shock you to the core:

• The Flying Luttenbachers are not a circus act, but their music kind of sounds like one. [flavorpill]
• Nothing says "Cold War thriller" like Old Blue Eyes and picnic blankets in Bryant Park. Catch the Manchurian Candidate and revel in your thriftiness. [WUNYC]
• One Ring Zero at P.S. 122 features an all-star cast including, but not limited to, Jonathan Lethem, Margaret Atwood, Paul Aster, and Dave Eggers. Fawn over writing/Brooklyn royalty tonight at 7. [Paper]

Friday:
• Embrace the relative cool with Hot Chip and Oppenheimer at the South Street Seaport. The free music should make up for any odor complaints. [flavorpill]
• Learn how to pronounce Quincea era at an indie theater near you. Bonus points if you roll the appropriate consonants. [TONY]

• Make your way over to the Whitney and check out Walter de Maria's Hardcore. Alas, it's visual art and not porn, but you can't win them all. [flavorpill]
• The Onion's monthly comedy series debuts tonight at Joe's Pub; you won't get Jean Teasdale, but Michael Ian Black should suffice. [NYM]
• Times columnist William Rhoden reads from his book The $40 Million Slaves: The Rise, Fall and Redemption of the Black Athlete, in which he likens the sports industry to a plantation. Yeah, that's not going to raise an eyebrow or anything. [Paper]

• RockDocs 2006 brings a little life to Lincoln Center with 9 days of concert documentaries. You, know just to remind you of what you missed at Coachella or Bonnaroo or whatever. [flavorpill]
• Try to figure out why in God's name special The View co-host Lisa Loeb is hosting a screening of The Warriors tonight at Coney Island. Or just ask her yourself at the accompanying Q&A. [WUNYC]
• Today's air-conditioned activity is brought to you by the good people at the Brooklyn Museum, who offer a collection of indoor graffiti for your viewing pleasure. [TONY]

A resourceful operative dug up this video of serial killer-befriending actress Victoria Redstall's fine work for Grobust, an herbal breast-enhancing remedy whose unfortunate side-effects seem to include the atrophying of the part of the brain responsible for making generously bosomed females flee from incarcerated men with a track record of storing surgically removed mammaries in recloseable sandwich bags. Should any other clips from her reel be made available online, we'll be sure to pass them along and do our part to get her some work that might leave her less time to hang around inside prisons.

You hardly need the local newspaper of record to provide you with anecdotal evidence of the immutable Hollywood law that "actresses are crazy," but today's LAT features a tale that goes far beyond the realm of the usual "three hundred calls a day from the needy scene partner you didn't call back the morning after a regrettable one night stand" kind of benign imbalance, and into the previously unexplored "forming an emotional attachment to the jailed, misunderstood serial killer who's totally gotten over his chopped-off-breasts-in-a-Ziplock-bag phase" flavor of insane. Welcome to the story of Victoria Redstall, actress and "former spokesmodel for breast enhancement supplements,' who befriended repeat hooker-slayer Wayne Adam Ford while shooting a documentary:

• If you don't pass out from heat stroke, you will from the high pitched splendor of the New York Grand Opera, which performs Tosca in Central Park. Cancelled, too damn hot. [Paper]
• Summerscreen offers Bottlerocket to be enjoyed on the concrete wonder that is the McCarren Park Pool. It's Williamsburg, so bring your water wings just for irony's sake. [WUNYC]
• And tonight's wisest choice: BAM's Rose Cinema features the films of Sam Peckinpah and air-conditioning. $10.50 has never seemed more reasonable. [flavorpill]

• Rise to the occasion at Stain's Blackout Party, honoring that time three years ago when the power went out. Because that doesn't happen often around here. [Paper]
• Jessica Ciocci demonstrates both her spelling and craft skills with P.E.A.C.E., tonight through Friday at Foxy Production. [flavorpill]
• The Black Heart Procession brings its melacholy to Bowery Ballroom. Or maybe it's the other way around. [Prefix]

Friday:
• Um, hello? Is there any question that you'll spend tonight admiring Jamie Foxx's rippled back? Obviously you can feel it coming in the air tonight. [TONY]
• The Kung Fu Importance of Being Earnest plays at the Brick Theater. Not the cleverest title, but Oscar Wilde + the Crane = enjoyable randomness. [flavorpill]

• The Bronx and waterlillies aren't the most obvious bedmates, but glass artist Dale Chihuly brings them together tonight at the New York Botanical Gardens. Also, there's a wine stand. [flavorpill]
• Do you remember Kara Janx from Project Runway 2? We have a vague recollection of someone who couldn't sew, which is all the more reason to go see her fall collection. Also, there's free Midori. [WUNYC]
• The Hold Steady play for free at Castle Clinton. No free booze to speak of, but we're sure you'll find a way. [Paper]

While browsing for the DVD of the Charles Bronson/Lee Marvin fugitive fur-trapper classic Death Hunt on Amazon.com, Austin360.com's Dave Thomas discovered a feature he hadn't noticed before*: User submitted plot keyword tags, ranging from the extremely broad (clicking "Snow" brings you to 16 pages of wintry titles, including The Empire Strikes Back and, predictably, White Christmas) to the highly specific ("Shot In The Eye" conveniently aggregates movies, such as Saving Private Ryan and The Godfather, that feature a well-placed bullet in the peeper, though a separate tag exists for "Shot In The Genitals"). The classification system is highly useful, even if it tends to tread into the realm of obsessive excess: V for Vendetta, for example, gets 103 tags, and while it's helpful to remember that Fight Club and The Seven Samurai also feature someone having their head shaved, we think we were fine without having access to a list of titles that also make prominent use of a toilet.

• Put on your helping hat at tonight's benefit for the Ali Forney Center, which provides medical care and other outreach to homeless LGBT youths. Performers include Antony and the Johnsons, Matmos, and CocoRosie. [flavorpill]
• Jaws screens at the Hudson River. As if you needed another reason not to avoid sunlight and water. [WUNYC]
• Sherrill Tippin gives a reading from February House, the 2005 book detailing the salon-cum-brothel where Carson McCullers, W.H. Auden, Jane and Paul Bowles, and Gypsy Rose Lee made their homes. Ah, back when writers used to get ass. [Paper]

It would pretty much take Mo'nique being dragged off a plane amidst concern she's some kind of terrorist threat for us to take notice of the plus-sized Pepsi pitchwoman, which is precisely what happened as she boarded a United flight headed to her guest hosting gig on The View. From ET Online:

• Free movies are nice and all, but a laser show! That's worth a ride on the L any day. [flavorpill]
• Adam Green brings his nonsensical lyrics to the masses at the Virgin Megastore. Rock out to some Jabberwocky tonight at 6:30. [Prefix]
• Celebrate 10 years of comedians being too lazy to write scripts at the UCB's ASSSCAT. [Upcoming]

• Tonight at the quite arbitrary time of 8:45, "Conversationalist comedian" Andrew Lederer does a fundraising preview of his show "Anthology." Skip your latte and donate a couple dollars to the cause. [MySpace]
• The African All-Star Festival features Konono N 1 for your percussion pleasure. Every Monday needs a little likembe. [flavorpill]
• Enjoy the chance to sit outside for more than 5 seconds without passing out by hitting up a free screening of The Band Wagon. [WUNYC]

Friday:
• Os Mutantes, Brazilian 60s pop superstars, play Webster Hall in a reunion tour of sorts. Slap on your Havaianas and join the fun. [flavorpill]
• For those of you who always wondered whether that little flashing red light in the corner was a camera: tonight's sex series at the Anthology Film Archives features "Captured: A Film/Video History of the Lower East Side." [Paper]

• Movies with a View screens the Hitchcock classic Strangers on a Train. Make sure to bring a subway buddy for the ride home. [flavorpill]
• The Sugarhill Gang performs for free tonight. BYO cutesy grandma. [Upcoming]
• Monsters are Waiting performs tonight at Pianos. Go get your 2003 on. [Paper]