Today we heard the story of a male high school student who was asked to leave class because he was wearing high heels. Oh brother. What is it about high heels that gets people so incensed? One commenter knows the explosive secret.

Today we shared with you Lady Gaga's pain about being called a "loser" in high school. Turns out a couple of commenters were there and don't remember it the same way Gaga does.

Today we were presented with the grim truth that Arnold Schwarzenegger's son will soon take over the world. Curious. It must be weird to be Arnold Schwarzenegger's son. How weird? One commenter had a little insight.

Last night we listed some telltale signs that spring has sprung, and among them was the reemergence of ice cream trucks and their jolly little jingles. But could the cheeriness be hiding something sinister? Yes, one commenter told us early this morning.

Today we debated what the single best exercise really is. The New York Times says brisk walking, which is silly. We say: squats. All the squats you can do. But be careful, one commenter warns!

Today we learned that the entire country of Liechtenstein is available for rent. That's crazy! We'd expect this from Luxembourg, but Liechtenstein? Bizarre. So what would one do if one were to rent this tiny pop-art nation? One commenter has an idea.

Today we heard the stupid news that a YouTube prankster was sentenced two months in jail for appearing to do something he didn't actually do. This is stupid. So, so stupid. How stupid? One commenter elaborated.

Today we got mad at a stupid adult who thinks that a little boy wearing nail polish is going to destroy the country. Sigh. That sucks and is really frustrating. So we could use a little sincere positivity, right? One commenter provided it.

Today we heard the awesome news that marauding pirates will now be fought with fancy, expensive US Navy lasers! Rock on! Electric guitars! Ladies with permed hair and hot pink bikinis! All that. Well, wait a second. Don't party too soon, warns a commenter.

Today we learned that Dan Quayle's son is going to save us from the earthquakes. Naturally when one thinks about an earthquake in the US, one thinks of California. But there's somewhere we're forgetting, guys. Come, let's get scared together.

Today we heard the genuinely uplifting story of a handless boy who won a handwriting contest. Naturally this inspired our kind, loving commentariat to heap praise on the plucky young lad. Praise like this, from the following commenter.

Today we heard that the government shutdown brought crybaby John Boehner to tears. And he's the head of all Republicans! (Well, a lot anyway.) What does this say, then, about the group as a whole? One commenter assessed.

Today we heard that the world's most perfect human, Gwyneth Paltrow, might be starting a cooking magazine. Calloo, callay, oh happy day! What sorts of down-home recipes will this humble working mother put together for us? One commenter had an early peek.

Today we saw some scintillating security cam photos of a pair of college hardbodies making sex atop a USC building. Yowsers! So we know what they were doing up there, but what were they saying? One commenter knows.

Today we looked at an ancient cave drawing that is clearly a drawing of a dinosaur and thus creationism has been proven. Or has it? One commenter has had it with all these motherfucking drawings in these motherfucking caves.

Today we wondered aloud just what the dickens might Prince William be doing for his bachelor party? Many people had ideas and suggestions, as this is the most important wedding in history, but one commenter truly planned the best evening.

Today we learned about the gun-toting killer beauty queen who loves her gun. She really does! Now she wants to make some money posing for pictures with guns and talking about how everyone should have guns. One commenter found this unsettling.

Today we heard a tale about out-of-control actress creature Paz de la Huerta attacking a fellow clubgoer over a bitchy remark. Yikes! And this isn't the only time she's done it, according to one commenter.

Today we learned about a new Yelp category that will warn you if a bar or restaurant is too hipstery. Important thing to know! Though, at this point, with this overused and meaningless word, what are we even talking about anymore? Well, we are not talking about this guy, for one.

Today we learned the sad news that internet mockery of her video and song "Friday" made teen sensation Rebecca Black cry. But don't worry, Ms. Black wasn't fazed for long. She's already writing a new song and one commenter managed to get their hands on some of the lyrics.