Today we heard the story of a male high school student who was asked to leave class because he was wearing high heels. Oh brother. What is it about high heels that gets people so incensed? One commenter knows the explosive secret.

From rmric0.wedding.photographer.and.manny:

Dear Floridian Student,

While your calves might look fabulous and your airs might be loftier, it has been decided by our organization that heels should be relegated to the use of women so that they would be less competitive in the secret foot races we hold to determine who gets to run Fortune 500 companies (also, we do not tell them about the foot races). Also, they are very uncomfortable and we hope that they will choose to complain about how exploitative fashion is rather than the fact that they're making less money and being provided with fewer opportunities.

Sure, women's shoes are just so pretty that you want to dance all night while wearing them (though surely this will give you blisters), but if we started wearing fancy shoes then people would start paying attention to footwear and might discover the aforementioned races and decathlons (by noting the change in footwear to sportier models).

Signed,
The Secret Male Conspiracy

THE TRUTH IS OUT THERE. I BELIEVE. MULDER & SCULLY 4EVER.

[Image via Shutterstock]