Police finally arrested a serial foot licker who was targeting young girls between the ages of five and ten.

Warren Hill (pictured) was convicted of a 1985 murder, and was sentenced to death after being convicted of beating a fellow inmate to death in 1990. He is scheduled to be executed by the state of Georgia tomorrow evening. Warren Hill's IQ is 70. He has been found by a court to be mentally retarded. Georgia plans to kill him anyhow.

Dr. Thomas Michael Dixon, an Amarillo plastic surgeon with not terrible online ratings ("Very Good" at scheduling appointments, says healthgrades.com), allegedly hired a hitman to murder another doctor, who had been dating Dixon's ex-girlfriend. According to reports, Dixon paid David Shepard three silver bars, worth roughly $3000 each, to murder Dr. Joseph Sonnier III, the chief pathologist at Convenant Health in Lubbock.

Years ago, when an acquaintance of mine in Florida heard I was going to visit New York City, he replied, with complete seriousness, "New York City, huh? You wanna take my pistol?" This is because all those local yokel out-of-towners down south still imagine New York to be a dark, dangerous land prowled by muggers and rapists. The fools! NYC is safer than ever. Unless you're that one terribly unlucky person.

A Washington DC police officer who has worked the security detail for White House officials allegedly threatened to shoot Michelle Obama. The threat, which was overheard Wednesday morning, is currently under investigation by the DC police's Internal Affairs Division, and the Secret Service has been notified. In the meantime, the officer has been placed on administrative duty.

A British man was arrested last month for assault after he sprayed his girlfriend with an "unidentified" brown sauce when she refused to stop reading Fifty Shades of Grey. He later plead guilty and was sentenced earlier this week.

Ray Kelly, the head of the NYPD, is just so full of shit. His police department has a massive "stop and frisk" program which, by the NYPD's own statistics, is existentially programmed to stop and frisk hundreds and hundreds of thousands of completely innocent young black and Latino men with no real cause. It is a minority dragnet, so blatantly racist that not even the police chief can quibble on that point. He can merely say: it's for the black people's own good.

An 8-year-old unsolved murder case has an unexpected break: Authorities have linked DNA found at the scene of a March Occupy Wall Street protest to the 2004 murder of Juilliard student Sarah Fox.

Remember that unpleasant incident when Chris Brown beat the crap out of then-girlfriend Rihanna?

Why do they always run?

Toni Medrano did a horrible thing: she got drunk, passed out, and ended up smothering her newborn son. She faced two counts of manslaughter in the death of three-week-old Adrian. But Medrano's case will not be going to trial — on July 2, she doused herself in a flammable liquid and set herself on fire.

Our fascination with gritty true crime is nothing new, but thanks to 21st century innovations, we can now "like" psychopaths on Facebook. At least, until Facebook wises up and takes the fan page down.

After a woman called police in Saanich, British Columbia, to report a possible break-in, multiple units were sent to set up a containment around the scene.

Caroline Stern and her boyfriend George Hess were waiting for their train at the Columbus Circle subway station just before midnight when a busker began playing music on steel drums and they decided to dance along.

Last month, we learned that that great state of Texas would rather let prisoners die of heat stroke than install air conditioning in its state prisons, because, hey, who cares, honestly? One reader pointed us to a related Texas prison story that is even worse: a facility with no water.

A woman was shot nine times in front of a cheering crowd in Afghanistan in what was called "an honor killing." The Taliban soldiers present in the video had allegedly had some kind of "dispute" with the woman, and, according to the governor of the province, Abdul Basir Salangi, accused her of adultery "in order to save face."

Sadly, no amount of jail time will bring back Viper the police dog, who died when he bit into a package of cocaine. But it still feels like justice is being served — the North Carolina man responsible has been sentenced to 11 years in jail.

A Queens man who broke into rap mogul Sean Combs' East Hampton house this past spring, tried on his clothes, and drank his Hpnotiq has just been charged with trespassing and petit larceny, The New York Post reports.

Generally speaking, no mischief perpetrated by teenagers is "news." Teenagers not perpetrating mischief is news. This is because—no matter what race, creed, nationality, or socioeconomic stratum they come from—teenagers are punks. Do not, however, tell this to the New York Times. They have a very incisive sociological story to write.

In the United States of America, we do not have debtors' prison. Right? Oh, so wrong. The financial and legal penalties for being poor in America are only getting worse.