A San Francisco woman reported her Honda Civic stolen to the San Francisco police. A few weeks later, she got a parking citation in the mail for her stolen car. Then she got another. And another. In total, her car got ticketed 29 times while being listed as stolen. She called the police and the city's Department of Parking and Traffic, but didn't get any solid answers about the whereabouts of her car, nor why it was being ticketed after being reported stolen. Eventually, she and a friend decided to drive around locations where the car had been ticketed to try to find it.

Despite the fact that the only hits we can find for "NB2 Apparel" are related to the Alycia Lane story, we're just accepting that there is such a company, and they are probably in Philadelphia. And according to Page Six, they're offering hilarious Cop-Slugging Alycia Lane Memorial clothing! "NB2 Apparel is hawking T-shirts and hoodies with the phrase, 'I'm a [bleep]ing TV Reporter, Bitch!' with 20 percent of proceeds going to the Police Athletic League." See? It's all for a good cause. Except PAL doesn't really think it's that funny. According to PhillyGossip: "Lt. Susan Slawson of the Police Athletic League just reached out to say that PAL does not want and will not accept any proceeds from NB2 Apparel from sales of its Alycia Lane parody apparel we mentioned here. Slawson said she had no knowledge of NB2's intent to contribute money to PAL, but said the organization does not wish to benefit from any materials designed to mock another person." What a bunch of humorless dyke bitches!

Alycia Industry [NYP]
PAL to NB2: We Don't Want Your Money [PhillyGossip]

'COP-SLUG' ANGER-WOMAN Alycia Lane's jail phone call was made to Pennsylvania Governor Ed Rendell. Why? Because he is a very influential person who would assist her in getting her side of the story out, not so that he could try to spring her from jail! All good journalists know that the best way to get a story out is by going through a politician, so that he can tell some journalists about it. Like Governor Ed did morning, when he called up a Philly morning show to explain that the whole thing has been a misunderstanding.

From an AP article that made a a fleeting but glorious appearance on the NYT front page yesterday (Man Wrestles, Subdues, Deer at Md. Home) about how Martin "Pete" Castle wrestled and subdued a deer that ran through the front window of his home: "'My couch is ruined,' says Castle's wife, Robin. She had to clean blood off her computer, printer and coffee table."

Alycia Lane, the scantily clad photo-emailing-to-married-dudes Philly news anchor who punched a lady cop last weekend, has been suspended indefinitely from her station. Also: she made $700,000 a year! KYW-TV in Philly announced that Lane "would begin a planned two-week, end-of-year vacation a week early" and then they edited her out of station promos and the holiday special. WE HAVE ALWAYS BEEN AT WAR WITH VIXEN JOURNOS. Sadly, this might be the end of Lane's tenure at CBS3, depending on how her second-degree assault felony case goes. And those can take a while. You call one lady cop a "dyke bitch" and suddenly no one knows you. Except: did the New York Post sweeten that quote a little bit?

Poor undercover cop-assaulting hottie TV anchor Alycia Lane has had her good albeit probably fake name dragged through the mud before. Back in May, as we mentioned earlier, she made Page Six for an embarrassing "emailing bikini photos of herself to Rich Eisen's wife" snafu, the sort of thing that could happen to any of us. When that story broke, a Gawker Operative got in touch with Ms. Lane to express her general distaste for the whole situation. Our emailer explains: "When I read the original page 6 article in May I was PMSing and proceeded to look up Alycia Lanes email address thru the network. I sent her a snotty email and she responded. I almost felt bad but now not so much. I copied and pasted the emails below. Get some kleenex." Yes. You'll need it. Alycia's side of the sad tale, after the jump.

Hans Reiser, the open-source developer accused of murdering his estranged wife, is facing mounting circumstantial evidence that Nina Reiser, his Russian mail-order bride, did not flee to Russia as he contends. As the prosecution's testimony draws to a close, a series of witnesses have painted a portrait of a mother who would not leave her two children abruptly and a man who was acting suspiciously following the Labor Day weekend when Nina disappeared.

After a DUI and subsequent probation violation, former Wikimedia COO Carolyn Bothwell Doran left the foundation that runs Wikipedia in July. But that incident was only the latest in Doran's long history with the law, according to The Register.

Brooklynites! Arrested for possession on October 20, 2006? You're in luck! Someone stole all the evidence. All the drugs from every narcotics arrest in the entire borough that day—43 arrests!—are gone without a trace. The cops have been investigating the disappearance for a year now, but they have no leads. Some corrupt cop had a very happy Halloween. [NYT]

It was Saturday, March 24th at 10:50 p.m. Ken Derry, an aspiring writer and head of publications for the Yankees, was surrounded by a group of teenagers. They attacked him, twice! Derry's assailants punched his face in and even pushed his girlfriend. But it wasn't that bad a night, in the end. For one thing, as he writes, he got a published story out of it!

Kenneth Breen—the lawyer for corrupt former police commish Bernie Kerik who isn't accused of passing false information to federal prosecutors—is losing his bid to get access to prosecutor's evidence. He'll probably be forced to take the stand himself and he may be forced off the case. Breen argues that Kerik's chance at a fair trial have been ruined by all that reporting about his criminal behavior. The lawyer who passed on untrue information to the feds was nutty, Page Six-beloved Joe Tacopina, who used to represent falsely accused national heroes Jared Paul Stern and Foxy Brown. [NYP]

John Darwin supposedly died five years ago. He stayed dead until he and his wife, Anne, were found in a photograph discovered by the Google search "John Anne and Panama." Ooops! Turns out John faked his death, cashed in on his million-dollar life insurance policy and moved to Panama. Here's a screenshot of the Google search results that foiled their plans.

Skanky (but well-educated!) identity thieves Jocelyn Kirsch and Edward Anderton, arrested last week for stealing the identities of their Philadelphia neighbors, do not lack for balls. After being booked, the two went home to the condo—and the neighbors they robbed—to hang out until it was time to get re-arrested on additional charges. Kirsch's parents are both plastic surgeons—and guess what Daddy bought his college kid for Christmas a few years back? Implants, naturally! This year, the two would prefer a deal from the D.A., pretty please.

From the mailbag: "some girl just had her purse stolen outside my window on 11th and A at 12:30am. there are so many loud teens in this neighborhood and drunk people at this time of night when she was screaming 'give it back fucker!' i didn't think anything of it until i looked out the window and realized what had happened, as she ran in her heels and continued screaming and running after the guy as he ran down towards avenue D. please post this. all of these rich girls and bankers really need to know they're still not safe over here. please move somewhere safer so the rents don't go any higher and landlords will stop harrassing rent stabilized tenants." You head the man, kids. Stop bugging the old people with your carrying-on and being victims of street crime at all hours!

A young Philadelphia couple, recent graduates of UPenn and Drexel, have been arrested for a serious identity theft spree. Working copies of many of their neighbors' keys were found in their apartment, along with passports, cash, credit cards and forgery paraphernalia. Police are characterizing the two as "the Bonnie and Clyde of identity theft," which seems a bit classier than they deserve. What kind of plunder did they piddle away their expensive educations for? Ikea furniture and $1,700 hair extensions. If you're going to go to jail for forty years, aim a little higher: Wal-Mart's got some seriously choice futons.

When a murder suspect taking the stand at his trial adopts a "farcical Asian accent," it's important to transcribe all of his comments phonetically, as the Post does today. "Rast name, Sakai." And: "He referred to me as his rittle brother." And: "During this trial, I've had to sit there and listen to rie after rie." And: "The rast time I went overseas was in 2006." Then why not toss a couple of your own wacky Charlie Chan-isms in there? "He didn't 'kirr' anybody"—hilarious. [NYP]

Yaron Polak, a VC with Israel-based Genesis Partners, was convicted on possession of child pornography for "downloading 1,500 photos and 150 videos of fully or partially nude children onto his home computer. " Ew. Immediately after his conviction, Polak was fired from Genesis Partners and scrubbed from its website, though you can still see the cached version of his profile page. Genesis Partners was in the news a few weeks ago for selling off search startup Yedda to AOL.

New Zealand police say they've apprehended a hacker known by the online handle Akill caused for more than $20 million in economic losses. Akill, whose name the police have withheld because he's only just turned 18, allegedly masterminded schemes to steal credit card information and manipulate stock markets by taking over thousands of computers and directing them all toward the same dirty deed.

Gravel-voiced bulldog Joe Tacopina was a lawyer for corrupt former police commissioner Bernard Kerik—one that Kerik actually paid for services rendered. Because while the other guys were defending Kerik from pending indictments the old-fashioned "legal" way, Tacopina was, according to the U.S. Attorneys, passing on false information and obstructing justice—and that's the way you defend Bernie Kerik, dammit. (Back in April, Tacopina was praised to the heavens Page Six—and also used to represent former Page Sixer Jared Paul Stern and Foxy Brown.) Now Kerik's other lawyer may be tossed off the case for possessing non-privileged information about Tacopina's actions—and Tacopina will testify about Kerik's misdeeds. America is so cruel to its heroes.