Are you tired of rising property costs in Williamsburg? Are you tired of the scourge of espresso bars, cheese shops, yoga centers and day spas? Do you yearn for the old days when a prostitute or drug dealer set up shop on every corner? Remember infamous Williamsburg coke bar Cokie's?!?!?! We've got just the thing to dissuade recent undergraduates from moving there AND to sate your taste for nostalgia. Buy them the Brooklyn Paper! Because seriously, their latest police blotter is out of control.

Riddle us this: if it it's so ludicrous to believe that a mysterious black-clad stranger killed punk rock pioneer and realtor to the stars Linda Stein ("NUTTY 'NINJA' ALIBI" screams the Post) than should we conclude that personal assistant and lead suspect Natavia Lowery has also been breaking into homes on Staten Island? When is it ok to blame a ninja? We need answers! [NYP]

Today's best Post headline: MAN SLAIN BY WIFE'S 'LOVE GAL.' Sure, it's a fairly traditional "married woman slashes throat of her alleged lesbian lover's husband" story, but it's a top-notch use of inexplicable scare quotes and an incomprehensible descriptive phrase for the relationship between victim and killer. Good work, guys. [NYP]

Good news, everyone: you are much, much more likely to be killed by someone you know than a stranger. So stop worrying! You'll be killed by a loved one, according to the Times: "so far, with roughly half the killings analyzed, only 35 were found to be committed by strangers." [NYT]

The graduate student charged in the car crash that killed Pulitzer-prizewinning journalist and all-around awesome guy David Halberstam was sentenced today to a maximum sentence of 30 days in the sheriff's work program, as part of a no-contest plea deal. [AP]

A year ago, the 13-year-old Megan Meier began an online relationship with another MySpace user named Josh Evans. According to reports, the relationship began with flirtation, but ended in tragedy. Evans's last message to Meier read, "The world would be a better place without you." Shortly after reading it, Megan Meier ended her own life. You could call Josh Evans a cyberbully, except that Josh Evans wasn't real. He was a creation of Meier's neighbors, Curt and Lori Drew.

According to cops in the 78th Precinct, Park Slope has had its first reported iPhone theft! A woman who lives on Union Street was the victim—she was walking home from the subway when two perps approached her and one of them filched the device from her jacket pocket. There goes the neighborhood. [Brooklyn Paper]

Congratulations to St. Louis, Missouri for falling to second place in the annual Most Dangerous Cities in America list! Thanks to a strong showing from perennial contender and this year's most dangerous city Detroit, the Gateway City will surely enjoy a year-long renaissance and maybe slightly fewer of its citizens will abandon it. Camden, New Jersey—first place winner in 2004 and 2005—held on to fifth place and New York is ranked a pathetic 130-something. The annual list, compiled from FBI crime statistics, helps reinforce the cycle of poverty, white flight, and neglect that is killing post-industrial America while the rich create unsustainable fantasy worlds on the coasts. And it provides a nice way for a news anchor to fill up 45 seconds.

Detroit Declared Most Dangerous US City [AP]

Just because Facebook can track its members' online behavior doesn't mean you can spy on your wife's. Texan Shawn McLeod learned the hard way after he installed spyware on his wife's computer and she alerted authorities. Now McLeod faces four years in jail, according to reports. That sentence only came down from 20 years after McLeod plead guilty to a crime less severe than the second-degree felony detectives originally nabbed him for.

Pay By Touch, the San Francisco biometrics company in the middle of a legal implosion, employs over 700 people in offices scattered across the country. Previously, we reported that the man at the top, cocaine addict CEO John Rogers, is a convicted felon. Word out of Pay By Touch, however, is that Rogers had his 1998 felony converted to a misdemeanor. Fine. Show us those papers. But either way, a new legal classification won't change what Rogers actually did to his ex-girlfriend and her property. Here are the legal documents detailing the incident so you can see for yourself. It's all there: legal threats, destroyed kitchens, and a promise to make her life a "living hell." Our source has asked us to blur the victim's name.

A 17-year-old was pinched for burglary in the Netherlands after allegedly walking off with $5,900 worth of virtual furniture from Habbo Hotel, an online world like Second Life. Apparently jealous of other patrons' decor, the suspect swiped their keys, stole the furnishings and stashed them in his own room and the suites held by five accomplices. He will be charged with burglary and hacking. We can understand getting charged with one crime or the other, but not both. Either he stole something of actual value, or he broke into a computer system to rearrange bits of code. The operators of virtual worlds can't have it both ways.

The Royal Canadian Mounted Police — Canadian cops with some of the sweetest uniforms in the world — have announced that they will not go after users who download files, music and movies for personal use. Instead, they will focus on organized crime and copyright violations related to medicine and physical products. [Slashdot]

Pay By Touch CEO John Rogers is more than just financially and morally bankrupt. He's also a convicted felon. It's a tiny little fact Rogers never managed to tell Pay By Touch's investors, raising the possibility he could be convicted of fraud. Here are his conviction papers, provided by a tipster. We're also hearing that Rogers might have had an addiction that kept him out of the office for weeks at a time, but we're still looking for the smoking gun on that. Let us know if Rogers buried it in your back yard.

There's nothing funny about a murder trial. Unless there is. Open-source developer Hans Reiser is being tried in Oakland for the murder of his wife Nina, a mail-order bride. Reiser, who frequently argues with his own defense attorneys in court, is accused of killing his estranged wife to end a contentious divorce and custody battle. The defense alleges Nina, who had an affair with Reiser's friend, Sean Sturgeon, has run away to her homeland of Russia. Sturgeon claims to be a serial killer. With us so far?

Natavia Lowery, slain broker Linda Stein's personal assistant, has been arrested for Stein's murder after "implicating herself." Lowery, a former member of the Black Finesse Modeling Troupe, has previously been arrested on charges of identity theft. According to the Daily News, "Some of Lowery's relatives insisted she was innocent." Some! [NYDN]

You know your privacy is an illusion — especially if you're a Facebook member — but maybe you need a reminder? Leave it to Mark Rasch, the former head of the Justice Department's computer crime unit . In a recent editorial for the Telegraph he makes it clear: Want to buy some pot from your friend? Don't seal the deal over email.

The saddest part of the on-going WGA strike just might be that it'll prevent Catholic priest David Ajemian from successfully stalking Conan O'Brien. The priest, 46, was arrested last week after sending O'Brien weird letters, harassing his parents and finally showing up at Late Night's studio. "I want a public confession before I ever consider giving you absolution—or a spot on your couch," Ajemain wrote in one of his stalky letters. The Boston Globe points out that Ajemain went to Harvard, just like Conan, so maybe they totally know each other because how big could Harvard be? The Church has placed Ajemain "on leave." We are not sure what being "on leave" from being a Priest involves but maybe now he's allowed to take "spots" on people's couches. [Boston.com, TSG]

A student at St. John's University—which is a Catholic university based in New York City with residential campuses in Manhattan, Staten Island and Queens!—has filed a complaint with the school's Public Safety Office after a very bad cab ride. From the memo: "The driver of the livery cab, who the victim described as being a male, Hispanic, 40 years of age, 5'8"-5'10" tall, with a 'belly' and shoulder length black hair; and wearing a white T-shirt, green jacket and blue jeans, inappropriately touched the victim while driving him to the Queens campus. When the vehicle reached the vicinity of 168th Street and 81st Avenue, the driver parked the car on an unknown street and sodomized the victim inside the car. The livery cab driver then drove the victim back to the Queens campus and fled." [BoH]

Apparently Yahweh has forgiven Charles Kushner—real estate magnate, recently released felon, and Observer publisher Jared's father—for the whole "getting his brother-in-law a prostitute, filming their encounter, and sending the tape to his sister" blackmail thing. But, according to Charles, He has not forgiven his sister for ratting on Charles to the Feds. Or, in Charles' words: "For instigating a criminal investigation and being cheerleaders for the government and putting their brother in jail because of jealousy, hatred and spite." God did not return multiple phone calls and an email before press time.

The Daily News continues to own the "human interest stories involving Scores strippers" beat (no wonder they're back on top—except for that little matter of how they're carrying so much bulk circ, but whatever!) with today's story of a dancer reunited with her two adorable dogs.