Fun, spoiled: two British guys were arrested with a motherlode of blow (1,507 non-metric-system pounds) outside of Montpellier in what the French government is calling the biggest cocaine bust in the history of the country.

State Senator Hiram Monserrate, who allegedly slashed his girlfriend with a glass when he found either drugs or another man's business card in her purse (then he tried to take her to a hospital outside city limits), would like his charges dismissed, please.

Hipster Grifter Kari Ferrell, who's been in jail in Philly since May 3, is finally going home to face charges in Utah.

Sometimes the New York Post inches over the line from "amusing" into "despicable." Okay, not sometimes—all the time. Today, in particular! Sandra Boss' husband lied to her, conned her for years, and then kidnapped their child. So Sandra should be thrown in jail, according to the Post.

Nina Devlin was a partner with fancy financial PR firm Brunswick Group—which was great for her husband, who took information about the deals that Nina was working on and used it to help his friends make millions through illegal insider trading. Now Nina has a new job. With Edelman!

"The CEO of the nation's largest linen company went berserk and brutally beat his housemaid in his posh Upper East Side apartment—leaving her with swelling on the brain, officials said. George Bardwil, 57, who runs Bardwil Home, was charged with second degree assault in Sunday's savage attack that left the maid unconscious in a pool of blood." Bardwil, whose wife left him two weeks ago and is currently on medication, originally denied involvement in the assault; he now claims he hit her after he caught her stealing money, as if that's some sort of excuse. For the record, the blood spatter print tablecloth pictured above is not manufactured by Bardwil's company, as far as we can tell. [NYP]

Bernard Kerik, former New York Top Cop and Homeland Security chief nominee (haaaaaaaaa) just got indicted! Again!

The two Harvard students who were the "nexus" between the alleged shooters and the victim in the Harvard killing last week have been identified—and one of them is saying she had nothing to do with it and charging the university with racism.

The rhetoric is over. The violence has begun! A bomber is on the loose! New York City has been struck by its fourth explosion in as many years, a slow reign of anarchist terror as the yuppies slumber. The message: "Bourgeoisie, repent or die." Or maybe: "We are bored teenagers."

Jon Goesselin can't escape his family, Kevin Bacon's mugger escapes capture, Paul Allen can definitely escape Cannes, Josh Duhamal tries to escape death at Indy 500: presenting your man-happy Sunday afternoon gossip roundup.

Yesterday, former New York City mayor, failed presidential candidate, and perpetual asshole Rudy Giuliani was publicly heckled by a guy in Bridgehampton. Naturally, Rudy had the guy arrested. And now the heckler speaks to us!

Your headline of the morning: "Politician Blames Neighborhood Crime on Pizza Sales."

The Middlesex, Mass., DA confirmed this morning that the fatal shooting of a 21-year-old in the basement of a Harvard University dorm on Monday was drug-related. The victim, Justin Cosby (pictured), had a pound of pot and $1,000 in cash on him, so it was kind of obvious.

Not only was beloved former Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich denied his opportunity to be a celebrity wishing to get out of here, now he won't even get his million dollars from his book deal.

Who shall be next in the procession of people more famous than you to testify in the sad case of famous society lady Brooke Astor and her thieving-ass son? Lo, it is Barbara Walters, and her sidekick, Henry Kissinger!

Egypt just sentenced a billionaire real estate tycoon to die for killing his girlfriend, a Lebanese pop singer. In America, we protect the billionaires, and leave killings of music stars (Tupac, Biggie) unsolved forever. We can learn from these Egyptians!

Lawyer Marc Dreier pleaded guilty to charges he bilked investors out of hundreds of millions of dollars a couple of weeks ago, and he remains under house arrest until his sentencing next month. (He may end up with a life sentence if prosecutors get their way.) He's been having trouble paying his bills since he was first indicted several months ago. According to his lawyer, Dreier even had to dip into his son's bar mitzvah fund recently to cover his living expenses. Perhaps that's why his yacht, which is one of a bunch of Dreier's assets now up for sale, was just discounted? Dreier's "Escape" (or "Seascape"), which was originally listed at $13.5 million, was just reduced to $12.5 million. After the jump, a few photos of the boat where Dreier probably spent many hours plotting and scheming.

What's the worst part of the decline of newspapers? Oh maybe it's all the innocent people who will DIE. Every time you don't buy a paper you practically slip the noose around a condemned man's neck!

So, the trial of the dastardly family member accused of swindling old NYC high society queen Brooke Astor is underway, and guess who took the stand yesterday? Our old friend, Vanity Fair's Graydon Carter! He had a sad tale to tell (with a silver lining!):

In LA they have lots of gangs. How to determine if a child will grow up to be a vicious gangbanger? The city—with scientific help—has developed a test! Find out your future, below: