Wass Stevens, New York's most prominent club doorman, was arrested yesterday after he (allegedly!) beat a college kid with the metal end of a velvet rope after he tried to get into Avenue, but became "belligerent" when Stevens denied him entry. It looks like Stevens' crime wave continues. A friend of Cityfile just sent us this photo of the nightlife fixture sitting on his motorcycle and chatting on his cell on the corner of Broadway and Astor. "I'm pretty sure it's a traffic violation to park on the sidewalk like that," she writes. "He's right in front of a police van, too." If you had doubts that Wass had balls of steel, well, consider the matter settled. Further evidence of his criminal tendencies below.

Ali Wise, Dolce & Gabbana's party planner and publicist and all-around-gal-about-town, was arrested Tuesday for hacking into the voicemail of interior designer and rival socialite Nina Freudenberger. Scandale! We have the criminal complaint.

British authorities are launching an investigation into allegations that Rupert Murdoch's UK newspapers paid more than $1.5 million in hush money to try to cover up the fact that they were illegally hacking into cell phones in pursuit of stories.

Maximilia "Ava" Cordero, alleged underage lover of billionaire perv Jeffrey Epstein, sued the New York Post two years ago after it ran a story saying she was born a man, and was slutty. The decision is in! Sexlaw frontiers, here.

A popularity contest that pits snobby Saks Fifth Avenue against a lady who gave away free money? It's no contest! Saks is mad because this lady—who worked there—gave away $1.4 million of their money. Counterpoint: people like money!

Marion Barry—master politician, crack aficionado, crazy man, national treasure for reporters (and still married, btw!)—says he didn't really stalk his girlfriend last weekend, as much as he had a "spat" with her, but she's unstable. Or...something.

Police in North Carolina have shot and killed the man they believe is the serial killer responsible for five murders in South Carolina in the past week.

What's that? A car chase, in Houston? Studio B With Shep Smith was on the case! It is, as always, delightful. Though it wasn't as exciting as last week's, you wouldn't know it from listening to Shep.

It has been days since Empress Sarah Palin quit Alaska, forever. And no one yet knows why! Her "explanation" lacked, uh, actual coherent reasons. But there are theories.

Uh oh! The magical computer formulas that allow Goldman Sachs to continue making money, forever, as the world burns, have been stolen and sent to Germany! The FBI has arrested a Russian immigrant who used to work for Goldman.

Marion Barry was arrested yesterday! He was collared after "after a woman flagged down an officer and complained Barry was stalking her." Barry's re-election as D.C.'s mayor after being busted for crack in 1994 is political comeback precedent. [AP]

Mexican Midget Wrestlers Killed By Hookers. Seriously. You can't make this shit up.

Why did NYPD Commissioner Kelly have to throw the heavy hammer of discipline down on his former partner today? Tragically, adorable Pugs and Chasids aren't involved. But: a massive lacking in organization and the potential endangerment of cops' lives are!

The New York Times conducts its own analysis and concludes that, in New York City at least, more rainy days means fewer homicides. However, given the ongoing depressing Year Without a Summer around these parts, there's no discussion of suicides.

Was puking pug dog owner Chrissie Brodigan roughed up by the NYPD simply for tending to her dog, and its throwup? The most powerful cop in New York is now involved in the case. Read between the lines, people.

Because Dov Charney is a hero to immigrants, The Man is all up in his business, trying to point out nitpicky technical "violations," like the fact that 1,800 of his employees are illegal. Jeez.

Bernie Madoff will rot in jail, but Ruth Madoff—his constant companion—didn't do anything criminal and won't be charged, the Feds say. Though she does still face social ostracism in Palm Beach. So.

All she wanted to do was get her poor little puking pug dog out of her tote bag on the L train. But then the cops arrived. And they were mean.

Bernie Madoff's been sentenced to die in prison. Now, all those victimized by him have found peace. Just kidding! They're all in anguish. Seriously, we're worried about them. The victims are dealing with their rage in three distinct ways: