To hear Yelp reviewer "Sean C." tell it, San Francisco's Ocean Avenue Books really didn't appreciate his pan of the "TOTAL MESS" of a store: The owner somehow found his home, he said, and tried to force her way in.

Bernie Kerik is no longer crazy, apparently. After displaying behavior that "put him at risk" and spending 10 days in a psychiatric facility, New York's former police commissioner was allowed to return to a regular prison cell at the Westchester County Jail yesterday.

Did you hear about Brian Schroeder, the Harvard Law School grad who set fire to the 9/11 chapel early Saturday morning, either as part of a "drunken prank" or because "someone slipped something into his drink"? The good news is Schroeder finally scraped together $3,000 in bail money and got to go home last night. The bad (though hardly surprising) news: Not only is Schroeder quickly turning into this week's tabloid whipping boy, his job offer at the law firm Sidley Austin—which coincidentally once had its offices in the World Trade Center—has been rescinded. But at least now he'll have plenty of time to continue his world travels. [NYDN, NYP, NYDN]

Peter Braunstein is a convicted rapist and certified psycho with serious mental problems. But he's so tabloid-y! What's his latest crazy celebrity obsession, for the public to point and laugh about? Inside Edition knows!

One week ago, Dominic Carter was a well-respected stout political news anchor on NY1. Now he's just an unemployed dude who can't even get on a plane. Flight attendants now have far more power in New York than Dominic Carter.

Ruh-roh. The St. Petersburg Times—Scientology HQ's hometown paper and perpetual investigative thorn in their side—has unleashed another scathing report on the religion. This time, it's on the lengths they'll go bringing deserters back, including Tom Cruise's wedding chef.

Boulder, Colorado. Home of the Rockies' dankest Sweet Tooth. Also: plenty of dry-throated, red-eyed, patchuli-stinkin', Domino's-craving zombies. Every Halloween, they get nekkid and run around with pumpkins on their heads. Except this year, when SWAT teams are called on them.

Celebrities deal with all kinds of ghouls: fans, paparazzi, tabloid media (Hi!), D-Listers, agents, etc. But the spookiest? Stalkers. Certifiable crazies who can't get enough of you. Literally. Everyone's got one lately: JT, Ryan Seacrest, Miley Cyrus, and...Bret Easton Ellis?

Bad news for State Senator Hiram Monserrate. The convicted girlfriend-assaulter will not receive the support of the Democratic party in next year's primary election.

Burly NY1 desk-sitter Dominic Carter, host of Inside City Hall, has problems. Legal problems. Marriage problems. Job problems. Media problems. Name-dropping problems. Political problems. Quite a few problems. We'll itemize.

Hedge fund mogul Raj Rajaratnam managed to post $100 million in bail, but his lawyer asked a judge today to reduce it to $25 million as well as given Rajaratnam permission to "travel freely in the contiguous 48 states." How else is he going to enjoy his country house in Connecticut and condo in Florida while he's still a free man? [NYT, WSJ]

Horrible racist Sgt. James Crowley and angry racialist professor Henry Louis Gates Jr. were spotted having beers at a Cambridge bar called River Gods last night. It's not the White House, but at least Biden wasn't there.

This isn't shaping up to be a very good day for local TV news personalities. Mike Sheehan, the former cop and Fox 5 reporter who was dismissed from his job this spring after crashing his car into an NYPD horse has pleaded guilty to drunk driving charges. Meanwhile NY1 political anchor Dominic Carter goes to court today on charges he beat up his wife. [NYDN, NYP]

Two Chicago men have been arrested and charged with plotting to kill the Danish cartoonist who drew this controversial Muhammad cartoon back in 2005. Religious fanatics will not rest until they have incompetently harassed this mediocre cartoonist to distraction.

Incarcerated Utahan Kari Ferrell, your Hipster Grifter, has mailed another missive to her pen pal, Bucky Turco, and, through him, to you, her fans. She'll be out of jail in a flash. Then, back to NYC, and onto (more) TV!

Somali pirates have kidnapped this friendly-looking British couple as they sailed their yacht off the East African coast. This has a very "UK Version of When The Navy SEALS Killed Those Somali Pirates" feel. Pirates: Please re-read this. [Pic via]

Somebody tried to kill a bunch of lab workers at Harvard Medical School two months ago, with deadly poison. This is just coming out now, because Harvard does not want you to know about its deadly coffee machines.

Billionaire investor Jeffry Picower made more money off Bernie Madoff's Ponzi scheme than any other investor. Yesterday, Picower was found dead in his Palm Beach swimming pool. Let's not jump to any conclusions.