Thanks to the Freedom of Information Act, we now have access to a thick FBI file detailing the agency's investigation into the 1997 shooting death of Christopher "Notorious B.I.G." Wallace. The case, which now falls under the jurisdiction of the LAPD, has famously run cold. But these documents, though heavily redacted, bring some interesting details to light—including ballistics evidence that further links evil former LAPD officer David Mack to the murder.

Fifteen-year-old Chloe Steward of Ankeny, Iowa was terrified last night to find some drunk idiot trying to break into her house's back door at 3 a.m. Naturally, he was an employee of the Tim Pawlenty Presidential Exploratory Committee. That is NOT how you win over voters, pal! You're supposed to drunkenly break into their houses during the daytime, only. Does Tim Pawlenty even train his staff?

After reported attempts to abduct female students at Rider University and The College of New Jersey, Tony Kadyhrob—who looks like Christopher Walken but is just a guy from Lawrence, NJ—has taken his creepy sideshow to Princeton. He's an upwardly mobile wannabe kidnapper?

Who knew that the simple act of blowing one's nose in public could start a ripple effect that would put a man in jail? And he wasn't even blowing snot-rockets.

Police in Colorado were called to an elementary school to handle a violent second-grader who had "broke wood trim off the walls and was trying to stab teachers." So they did what any good cops would: They pepper sprayed him.

Martha's Vineyard resident Frank Hebert, who has been confined to a wheelchair for the past 10 years following a car accident, will be tried for beating the man who allegedly molested the girl he considers his granddaughter. Aren't there worse criminals out there we should be worried about prosecuting?

The seaside underbrush near Oak Beach, N.Y., is basically a mass grave. After finding a fifth body near the Long Island beach community last week, authorities there redoubled their search for a missing girl and found three more over the weekend. Total body count: eight.

A teenager has been arrested for trying to smuggle $10,000 worth of marijuana across the Mexico-U.S. border.

Condé Nast and the feds are trying to recover $8 million the company paid a Texas man after he sent an e-mail invoice—one e-mail—pretending to be the magazine conglomerate's printer. They just can't get the digital space right.

A strange, scary coda to the Duke lacrosse rape scandal: Crystal Mangum, the stripper who falsely accused three college lacrosse players of rape, has been charged for stabbing her boyfriend in the chest with "intent to kill." The boyfriend was treated at the Duke University Hospital, the same hospital that treated Crystal when she cried rape. Yesterday's arrest was Crystal's second since the Duke rape scandal; last year, she was sentenced to 88 days in jail for assaulting her previous boyfriend in front of his children, then setting his clothes on fire. This lady wreaks havoc on all who encounter her. [WRAL via Crimesider, image of Crystal in 2008 via AP]

God's favorite investment banker, Goldman Sachs chief Lloyd Blankfein, made a shitload of money last year! Originally we thought he made $13.2 million in 2010 but, according to Bloomberg News today, it turns out he nearly doubled his 2009 take with a $19 million compensation package:

Charges for Lindsay Lohan's alleged assault of a Betty Ford Center employee Dawn Holland have been dropped, and now we've been treated to audio from the 911 call that started the mess. Turns out Lindsay called the cops because she was scared of Dawn.

Nekiva Hardy, the infamous Burger King Bikini Brawler from Alabama, was arrested again yesterday after fleeing Florida. Hardy, who was originally arrested under the false name Kimesa Smith, just days ago told the Smoking Gun, "Fuck them, they'll have to come and get me," and added, "It's gonna be hard to find me." She was arrested at her home in Montgomery, Alabama and is awaiting extradition to Florida on felony charges.

After a fight with his pregnant girlfriend, a Staten Island man went to her house, stripped naked in the elevator, and took a crap. He then wiped the crap on her door and used his clothes to set the poop and her door on fire. What a shitty thing to do!

Bloomberg reports today that the Justice Department is exploring manslaughter charges against BP managers over the deaths of 11 workers on the Deepwater Horizon offshore oil rig last year. According to the report, invesitgators want "to determine whether [BP managers'] testimony was at odds with what they knew." In other words, they want to know if Tony Hayward and his pals were lying through their teeth to congress during testimony last summer.

Got a spare RQ-11B Raven spy drone lying around? If so, don't try to sell it on the internet!

If you're unfortunate enough to live in meth country — basically south of the Mason-Dixon Line, and across the Midwest all the way to Riverside County — soon you might be screwed if you get a cold or your allergies act up.

How a state school student reacts to her mother refusing to co-sign on her used Nissan 350Z: By expressing her frustration in words. How an Ivy League student reacts to her mother refusing to co-sign on her used Nissan 350Z: By pistol-whipping her mother in the head. Of course, 17-year-old Rachel Anne Hachero, who's accused of pistol-whipping and threatening her mother over a black 2004 Nissan 350Z, isn't yet an Ivy Leaguer—according to her mother, she's "been accepted to several Ivy League colleges"—but something tells us she'll fit right in. [News Press]

Interview, America's premiere source for transcripts of famous people talking amongst themselves, reaches surreal new heights in this month's cover story. With the help of music editor Dmitri Ehrlich, a nearly-sentient rice noodle named Paris Hilton interviewed rapper Lil' Wayne. Among the topics of discussion: The celebrities' respective incarcerations, Wayne for his latest weapons and narcotics charge, and Paris for driving drunk on a hamburger run.

A 30-year-old Alabama woman who sparked one of the greatest food fights of all time inside a Panama City Beach, Florida Burger King has been charged with a laundry list of crimes: felony criminal mischief, disorderly conduct, resisting arrest and two counts of misdemeanor battery. Shit, that's rough. An official statement on the accused, Kimesa Smith, via the The News Herald: