Attention, Florida! Do you recognize the man in the video above? The police would like a word with him, regarding how he peed on the cough drops at the Walgreens in Sanford. And, Florida, while we have your attention:
As part of her punishment for violating probation, Lindsay Lohan has been sentenced to 120 hours of community service at the L.A. County Department of the Coroner. Apparently she will do "basic janitorial work. She won't be handling any dead bodies but she'll certainly see them." She will also serve 360 hours of service at a homeless shelter for women on Skid Row.
Teonna Monae Brown—the Baltimore woman charged last week for a beating up a transgender McDonald's patron while a passive crowd made videos—may have been a repeat offender. The Smoking Gun reports that the 18-year-old had previously been arrested for punching a mother of two in the face, then beating her with an umbrella, then trying to rip out her hair, while friends attacked the lady's daughters. Just as ogres like to hide under bridges and terrorize passing billygoats, violent jerks apparently like to hang out at McDonald's and beat the snot out of strangers.
Confronted with a 6'4", 350-pound "agitated mentally disturbed" man wielding a razor and, apparently, a broom, police in Macon, Ga. used a handful of lollipops to subdue the subject, offering them as bargaining chips in exchange for the man relinquishing the razor and allowing himself to be handcuffed. We therefore support arming police officers everywhere with lollipops, attached to their utility belts in small lollipop-bags, for use in violent confrontation. As the saying goes, "you subdue more huge violent men with lollipops than with vinegar, or guns." [Macon Telegraph; image via Shutterstock]
Even though the felony theft charge against Lindsay Lohan was reduced to a misdemeanor during a preliminary hearing earlier today, the judge did rule that the fallen starlet had violated her probation. And now Judge Stephanie Saunter has handed down her punishment, sentencing LiLo to 120 days in county jail.
As we speak, Lindsay Lohan's preliminary evidentiary hearing for the felony theft of a necklace has adjourned for lunch. LiLo arrived at court with her hair in a sloppy bun and wide blue sailor pants billowing above a pair of patent leather peep-toe pumps. Long-suffering assistant Elinore tagged along, Louis Vuitton tote (laptop case?) in hand.
There's nothing quite like giving the government money to get someone all hot and bothered, right? Kevin Robert Theriault (pictured) had been stalking a woman dressed as the Statue of Liberty advertising a tax service in Tempe, Arizona, flashing her three times in as many weeks, as well as jerking off on the street. And of course, he came back for Tax Day. According to the East Valley Tribune:
Toronto police arrested 29 year-old Brian Dickson yesterday and charged him with first degree murder in the death of York University student Qian Liu, 23. Liu was attacked at around 1 a.m. last Friday as she videochatted with her boyfriend, 6,000 miles away, in Beijing. Despite her boyfriend's frantic attempts to contact her friends in Toronto, Liu's body was only found by her landlord ten hours later, stripped from the waist down, but showing no sign of sexual assault or obvious trauma.
In February, Zynga CEO and founder Mark Pincus filed for a restraining order against Vera Svenchina, an amateur filmmaker and former stripper from Russia.
Stern NYC schoolmarm-in-chief Mike Bloomberg is trying to crack down on the practice of NYPD officers making tickets disappear as a favor to friends. Clearly, this is an outrageous assault on the police. Why does Mike Bloomberg hate courtesy?
While he chatted with her over a webcam from China, a Beijing student says there was knock on his girlfriend Qian Liu's door in Toronto. A man entered and a struggle followed. Ten hours later, Liu's body was found in her basement apartment.
Besides the whole "loss of your job and your health care and your savings and any hope for the future" thing, the most annoying thing to come out of the recent total global economic collapse is the fact that barely any rich guys have been punished for it.
Today in New York Post drug stories: 35-year-old "deranged stoner" Cordero Coroberto decided a morning rush hour 2 train was a good spot to spark a blunt (which, according to the Post is "a cigar refilled with tobacco and marijuana"). Apparently the other commuters didn't feel like showing up for work with a contact high, so that's when Evelyn Seeger stepped in:
Kathy Michelle Coy, a 33-year-old Kentucky mother of two, allegedly befriended a pregnant woman on Facebook before subduing her with a stun gun, killing her, and cutting out the baby with a drywall knife.
