MORE BREAKING CONVENTION COVERAGE! It's 12:45 and we've just returned from Rivington street, where we saw a thin man wearing horn-rimmed glasses and dirty Pumas walk into Teany with an unidentified book in hand. There was also a group of cagey girls approaching Edith and Dahia and — omigod — the laundromat seems to be distributing large, fresh-smelling laundry bags full of mysterious substances to individuals in exchange for what we think is money! This Republican convention has turned our city into mayhem! More to follow!

Although it was completely lacking in free drinks, staff photographer Eliot Shepard still braved the bizarre universe occuring within Madison Square Garden. When he wasn't avoiding over-enthused elderly southerners or trying to ignore the strange noises coming from the speakers' podium, Eliot managed to document some of the more, er, sublime moments during the first day of the convention.

Oh, how we do adore our inquisitive and proactive readers. This morning we've received word from one who, in a fit of curiosity, boredom, and/or perversion, decided to post a fake Craigslist personal ad for some hot Republican "hate fucking." Then, this Best Reader Ever allowed us access to their email account so we could access the overflow of legitimate responses (oh, the pictures, the pictures). Suffice to say, we are sick with glee. The original post:

Don't be fooled by their cowboy hats and Jaclyn Smith blazers — those Republicans are lecherous, sex-crazed maniacs! A reader reports of a greasy conservative not content to be outdone by the leering of locals:

· The Village Voice goes genius on us with a weblog written by an anonymous strip-club waitress working near Madison Square Garden. So much potential here — she's only posted once and we already love her. [Village Voice]
· A reader writes in via Blackberry: "Two foxy girls in little dresses from the NY Post are standing outside the convention entrance accosting everyone who walks by — they're looking for delegates to take on the town and expose them to the real new york." Well, at least the Craigslist people aren't standing out anymore.
· Learn to properly identify your Republicans with New York magazine's handy Bush decoder. You need to know who, exactly, is Turd Blossom. [NY Mag]
· If you're actually going to watch any of convention speakers, please consult a rundown of whose gibberish is most loathsome and why. [The Black Table]

We've received a sickeningly bad RNC party report (keep any and all of 'em coming, please!) from the Bush twins "R — The Party" at Roseland Ballroom. While we were hoping for anecdotes of falling Jennas and tripping Barbaras, we're content to hear that the scene involved some hot old-school dance moves:

THIS SPECIAL CONVENTION REPORT JUST IN! It's 10:49 on Avenue A and some people are waking up and going to the deli. Someone looking suspiciously like a bartender is taking what looks suspiciously like a still-drunk floozie to Odessa for a really cheap breakfast. People are drinking coffee, and some appear to be going to work! Wait.. Wait... This one guy appears to be buying a newspaper! More on this important New York City Convention coverage as it develops!

Last refuge of the truly insane and beloved time-killer Craigslist has raised the bar in a manner we know our readers can truly appreciate: the sexualization of Republicans. That's right, not everyone in NYC is pissed about the swarms of conservatively-clad bumpkins. In fact, searching for "republican" amongst the personal ads reveals many a generous New Yorker willing to show our fine guests the best this city has to offer, including warm bodies eager to offer elderly men "a good republican spanking." Or, if that's too gentle for those repressed right-wingers, there's always the "republican gangbang" option, which we think is related to Thursday night's Next Generation party for the young'uns.
Casual Encounters Search For "Republican" [Craigslist]

We can't imagine anything more painful than spending our Sunday night at the Illinois Delegate party — other than, of course, working at that very same function. And oh, the things you learn amongst the proletarian handservants! Dennis Hastert doesn't know his Italian rices, apparently, and Republican gift bags are hardly swag-worthy:

We spent our weekend bandying about with the Republicans but, honestly, we usually spent too much time at the free bars to give you reports of anything occuring after, oh, 9 PM. Maybe that's a good thing. A reader on the Media Welcome party at the Time Warner Center:

Every once in a while, we like to sift through the heap of press releases flooding our inbox and treat you to the diamonds in the rough. This week, alcoholic beverage and presidential candidate Captain Morgan wants to help all Manhattanites escape the island before the Republicans officially invade, and he's even giving out free rides to the Hamptons. We can't imagine anything better than being driven to Jet East with the imaginary mascot of cheap spiced rum, can you?

Don't get us wrong: we love to get our art on around here, and what better inspiration for New York artists than the combat zone over on 7th Avenue? Politically-charged pieces are flooding the NYC art scene and we think it's great.

Believe it or not, we actually appreciate New York magazine's handy-dandy compilation of all the RNC paraphernalia we can handle. Without it, we might be inclined to go looking for information ourselves and, well, that sort of work ethic just doesn't bode well around here! Thankfully, the special convention issue is chock full of useful (by Gawker standards, anyhow) material, all of which convinces us that we won't see the light of day next week:

New York magazine's special convention issue is out (more to follow, natch), but we want to immediately point your attention to the above image, in which Mayor Bloomberg jealously eyes an elephant's assets. Perhaps Bloomie got the short end of the Republican stick?
The Elephant In The Room [NY Mag]

It's good to see that the New York Times has maintained their typical level of opaque journalism in light of next week's inescapable Republican National Convention. Today, the fine folks over at the Arts section point out an issue that surely occured to no one: the culture of DC denizens is quite different than that of Manhattanites. Really? You don't say!

We always suspected that Republicans are a little pervy. All that conservative posing has to result in some seriously repressed fetishes. With the Republican National Convention merely days away, the New York Press decides to look into the city's finer, Republican-friendly attractions: crazy-ass sex clubs!