Don't be fooled by their cowboy hats and Jaclyn Smith blazers — those Republicans are lecherous, sex-crazed maniacs! A reader reports of a greasy conservative not content to be outdone by the leering of locals:

So, I was at the post office on West 38th around 2pm today, and just as I was leaving, I walked by this man with a cheesy, Grecian Formula pompadour and his Republican convention credentials proudly hanging from his neck. He started blatantly checking me out when I was about eight feet away, then as I passed him, he said, "Ohhhh yeah." Gross. Maybe they don't have any attractive women in Mississippi, West Virginia, or whatever bastion of conservatism this horse's ass was from—which by no means excuses his behavior anyway—but being catcalled by a Republican is just adding insult to injury. Way to represent your party, man.

Can't someone tell these delegates that the catcalls are best delivered in Spanish or, if possible, while intermittently speaking in tongues and asking for change? You'd think they'd know better and try to assimilate into the community just a bit more.
Reason #987 Why I'm A Democrat [Meat Market NYC]