Today on his radio show, Rush Limbaugh blew the lid off of President Obama's most devious plot yet: the villain in this summer's new Batman move is named Bane, a homophone of Bain, the financial services company founded by Mitt Romney. But why is Limbaugh ignoring the far deeper, and far more disturbing conspiracy right in front of his nose?

Almost no one was able to predict that Chief Justice John Roberts would join the Supreme Court's liberal bloc in voting to uphold the Affordable Care Act's individual mandate — which means a lot of the coverage, especially from the right wing, has focused on what caused Roberts to vote the way he did. Because, sure, it could be that he genuinely believed in the law's constitutionality, but isn't it more likely that he did it to please his masters at the Washington Post?

Why did Jay-Z and Beyoncé name their kid "Blue Ivy"? What was the deal with Madonna's Super Bowl halftime show? Why did Whitney Houston die? Some people might say that "famous people are weird and sad" is the answer to all three questions. But no, the answer is: The Illuminati. Who? Allow us to explain.

You can only join the exclusive new social network TopCom if you're among the 200 richest people in the world. Then again, if you're on hand in Davos Switzerland when TopCom is unveiled by scary software compant Tibco, there's a pretty good chance you're in that group.

Why did Jay-Z and Beyoncé name their daughter Blue Ivy? Possibly because they are exceedingly wealthy celebrities for whom the act of procreation is chiefly an exercise in branding... or because "Blue Ivy" is a secret code revealing her membership in an ancient and all-powerful occult secret society. Which could it be??

The conspiracy theories are happening so fast now that they're basically resolved before they even start, but let's not let this one escape the eternal clutches of the Gawker Archives: Did the Portuguese water dog Bo Obama — who's already been under heavy Christmas card scrutiny this week — fly out to Hawaii with Michelle Obama and the kids, and then fly back just to Washington for a photo-op with President Obama? Imagine the cost to taxpayers! Congress, please get back to town for a quickie impeachment.

After a seven-month pause, SETI resumed its radio search for the aliens who've, officially, never met the president or littered corpses across New Mexico or built secret pyramids. Immediately, SETI found a possible alien base. What an amazing, non-suspicious coincidence!

Justin Bieber and President Obama descend simultaneously on Manhattan tonight, for the second time in six moths. Coincidence… or conspiracy? Seriously: Has anyone ever seen Justin Bieber and Obama in the same room together?

Movie theater owners have been caught routinely running 2D movies through dark 3D lenses, ruining the quality. And they refuse to talk about the apparently widespread problem. As if you needed another reason to skip the overpriced, advertising laden cinema.

We previously alerted you to the fact that, according to crazy Christian group Family Radio, the world will end when Christ returns on May 21. One person who isn't sweating the upcoming Rapture? Stephen Colbert, who explained his end-of-times excitement on tonight's Report.

"It has layers" would be a great tag line for a new line of frozen baclava. But now it's the zombie chant of idiot internet detectives who believe they found proof that Obama's birth certificate is fake while goofing around on the computer at work. This shit's never gonna end.

Just a few months after SETI Institute scientists stumbled onto dozens of planets potentially hosting alien life, the federal government suddenly cut off their funding. SETI calls this "a huge irony." Yes, what a coincidence! (Astrophysicists are so naive.)

Arizona's birthers must be so depressed following Gov. Jan Brewer's decision to veto the state's delightful "birther bill," which would have required presidential candidates to present either their long-form birth or penis certificates for inspection. Who knew that Jan Brewer hated fun so much?

Ocherous churl Donald Trump slouched beast-like to Fox News on Friday night, where he engaged in something called "The Trump Interview" with right-wing backboard Sean Hannity. It was, yes, essentially unwatchable, but Trump revealed, in the course of the evening, that he has become a subscriber to the third most prevalent anti-Obama conspiracy, namely, that Obama's book Dreams From My Father was written by former Weatherman and current "super-genius" Bill Ayers. Ernest Hemingway was brought up, as was Trump's own opus, The Art of the Deal:

America's festering cauldron of endless misery and abandoned housing tracts, Arizona, is back in the national political news. Don't click away yet! The state is merely trying to ensure that certain biracial Kenyan-Indonesian presidential candidates aren't hiding their shameful biracial Kenyan-Indonesian births when they run for office, okay? So let's take a look at the Donald Trump-endorsed "Arizona Birther Bill," which passed the state Senate yesterday.

The New York Times pressed Wikileaks to publish classified Pentagon documents to avoid charges of conspiring to commit espionage, Wikileaks founder Julian Assange claimed. The Times was too scared to scoop, in other words.

Throughout history there have been countless attempts to discourage new technologies only to protect other people's self-interests. Below are some of the most suppressed inventions ever.

It was only two weeks ago that Knut the world famous polar bear drowned at the Berlin Zoo. And early today, officials told the AP that a six-year-old Indian elephant named Shaina Pali died there. A veterinarian suspects an infection is the cause of death, and a necropsy is being performed.

As plague of gibberish sweeps North America's TV personalities—from Judge Judy's linguistic meltdown to Serene Branson's migraine to Sarah Carlson's seizure to Mark McAllister speaking in tongues—intrepid British spaz rag The Daily Mail asks, is a government conspiracy afoot?

Thanks to Rep. Louie Gohmert (R-TX), one of the most widely debunked, and far-out conspiracy theories about the health care law found its way into the Congressional Record late Wednesday — with a twist.