One of the all-time Top Five, or really Top One, Barack Obama conspiracy theories is back in the news! Did you know that Barack Obama's terrorist friend, former Weather Underground member Bill Ayers, secretly ghostwrote the president's memoir, Dreams From My Father? This story has been around for several years and still comically emerges from time to time, like right now. The wingnuts have caught Ayers "admitting" that he wrote Barack Obama's book, again, when he was clearly making fun of them for ever believing something so stupid.

People are struggling to understand what caused the hugely destructive earthquake and tsunami in Japan. For some, "plate tectonics" and "random chance" isn't good enough. And this month, the moon will be closer to the Earth than it has been since 1993. So now there's a dumb "supermoon" conspiracy theory gaining steam.

Say it with me, men: "I am proud of my eyebrows. There are many like them, but these eyebrows are mine. I pledge not to pay money to somebody in what is basically a salon (no matter what ridiculous name they may give it) to fuck with my eyebrows. If they get really out of control, well, that's what clippers are for."

Whether you're a child, an adult desperately trying to cling to the bygone symbols of childhood, or simply have a poorly developed palate, the fact is, you love Cap'n Crunch™ brand breakfast cereal, despite all of the good reasons not too. Well, good news, corn syrup fetishists: contrary to published reports, your beloved cartoon-clad corn byproduct nuggets are not disappearing.

Wikileaks founder Julian Assange has—reportedly—told the British satirical and current affairs magazine Private Eye that there is a conspiracy of Jewish reporters out to get him, and that they're a bunch of little girls. He did this in response to charges that he associates with anti-Semites. Touche!

On tonight's Daily Show, Jon Stewart began to respond to Sarah Palin's idiotic response to President Obama's State of the Union address. As he did, though, Stewart realized—and then explained with evidence—that Palin may be... a Russian spy?!

Well, this is weird. Florida authorities are stumped as to how a charred grand piano—weighing 650 pounds—appeared on the high point of a sandbar in Miami's Biscayne Bay. They're not going to remove it, either! Here's a video.

All these scary bird, crab and fish die-offs have prompted many to wonder if the world was coming to an end, a whole year before it's officially supposed to. But so-called "scientists" say these massive die-offs happen all the time.

There is an uncanny resemblance between Usher's 2010 hit "OMG" and Homer Simpson's Christmas carol from the season 14 episode "Dude, Where's My Ranch?" See for yourself, if only to hear a Usher / Homer duet.

As a star of the TLC reality series My Strange Addictions, April Brucker claims to be so addicted to ventriloquism that her fiance made her choose to between him and her puppets. But not all is as it seems!

We learned last week that international Jew George Soros had infiltrated Sarah Palin's inner circle by hiring her adviser Randy Scheunemann. But the old man's tentacles are long: Not even Palin's Alaska running mate is clean of Soros' foul fingerprints.

Ed Asner, best known for his role on The Mary Tyler Moore Show and as the voice of Carl in Up, recently outed himself on a podcast as a 9/11 conspiracy theorist. Here it is lip synced for amusement.

As you've undoubtedly heard by now, a "mystery missile" was launched off of California's coast on Sunday night. Or was it just an airplane? At any rate, tonight, Jon Stewart handily mocked the media for their exaggerated reactions. Video inside.

A Latin Grammy-winning pianist and wealthy oil heir was scammed out of as much as $20 million by computer repairpersons who convinced him that Polish priests from Opus Dei were targeting him for assassination. Oldest scam in the book.

A shadowy governmental organization known as Dairy Management works behind the scenes to force Americans to eat cheese. The New York Times' today reveals that Dairy Management has been partnering with various fast food companies to promote fattening, cheese-laden products.

The craziest Tea Party candidates are great for Democrats. The math bears it out. So, Democrats in Pennsylvania figured it was a good idea to help a crazy Tea Party Birther get on the ballot to play the spoiler.

Conspiracy theorists, unite! Courtesy George Clarke, here's some footage—slowed down Zapruder-style—of Charlie Chaplin's 1928 film, The Circus that appears to show a woman walking down the street... while talking on a cell phone. Buh? Watch for yourself—and decide—inside.

The vast Right Wing Conspiracy will convene in January, according to a personal invitation that infamous billionaire Charles Koch recently sent to his rich friends. There they will plot to stop the Obama agenda, perhaps with Glenn Beck giving instructions.

Poor Illinois Green Party gubernatorial candidate Rich Whitney, the victim of an extremely cartoonish "error:" His name has been misspelled as "Rich Whitey" on voting machines in nearly two dozen Chicago wards, half of them "predominantly African-American."

The best way to deal with jerks online is to ignore them. But when prominent Tea Partiers on Twitter started being harassed by a group of Internet trolls, they launched a twitter militia and concocted an elaborate conspiracy theory.