This weekend, a bunch of lame kids saw a bunch of lame bands (and a couple good ones) out in the desert. We thought we'd try to figure out what the deal is with a little trip through Flickr.
Stop Us If You Think You've Heard This One Before. It seems every year there's a rumor that Morrissey and Johnny Marr are setting aside their differences for a once-in-a-lifetime The Smiths reunion at Coachella. And every time, we run directly to our bed, jump up and down on it and sing "Panic" at the top of our lungs. (Then Morrissey usually comes out with a denial statement, and we sit on the edge of our bed and cry and sing "Heaven Knows I'm Miserable Now.") Well, guess what! The rumor's back again! The Sun is reporting that the band is “closer than ever” to reforming for a "ludicrous amount of money." We don't care what it costs! Pay it! (As long as ticket prices don't go up.) [The Sun]
No sooner did Barack Obama's PorcineLipstickGate scandal reared it head here moments ago than we had an epic acid flashback to a far worse drama that unfolded this year at Coachella: That of the "Obama Pig" set aloft and eventually untethered during Roger Waters's set. "That's my pig!" Waters shouted, watching its inflated girth and pro-Obama checkmark rise over the valley and drift out of sight. It was soon found and replaced anyway by another anti-gravity oinker, this one bearing its own Obama endorsement and contained to the Q2 Arena in London. And suddenly, the vortex of American politics slowed, stilled and became the crystalline rabbit hole we always knew it was. We'll stick to beer next time. [via Flickr/NachoFoto]
· We think we have a worthy successor to the Star Wars Holiday Special for the most blasphemous use of the property, like, ever. That said, that Darth Banker's a hard-ass, isn't he? $49,000? But there's five large amounts still left in play—including the million! [Deal or No Deal]
· "Organizers of a major California music festival are offering a $10,000 reward and four festival tickets for life in exchange for ex-Pink Floyd frontman Roger Waters' two-story inflatable pig." [Reuters]
· David Blaine will try to break the 17-minute world record for breath holding on The Oprah Winfrey Show, which is fine and all, but it's no Criss Angel mindfreaking her brains out. [AP]
· Her new six-hour-a-day workout regimen sometimes requires that Britney Spears walk around the gym wearing nothing but a towel. [Daily Mail]
· Paramount takes a heavy swig of the Blu-Ray Kool-Aid (which, oddly enough, tastes like raspberry with a slightly bitter after-taste). [THR]
As we write this, recent CSI casualty Gary Dourdan is likely recovering from an even gnarlier Coachella hangover than most: TMZ reports the actor was discovered by Palm Springs police asleep in his car at 5:21 a.m., upon which he was arrested on "suspicion of possession of heroin, cocaine, ecstasy and prescription drugs," otherwise known as the bare minimum required to make a Jack Johnson set seem remotely exciting. His genuinely pained mugshot—we seriously can't stare at it for more than a few seconds—is pictured above. Developing...
What would any Coachella festival be without stars of every letter-caste wandering the VIP sections, and perhaps getting mouthy with a security guard who "doesn't care if you're the Queen of England, Mr. Hasselhoff, you're not on Prince's backstage guest list!" A round-up of the celebrity goings on:
· We finally have an answer to the burning question of last week: Hey—what's Sean Penn doing on the Coachella bill? As it turns out, he was not there to shoot some low-budget crowd scenes for Milk, nor was he there, as he joked from the Main Stage yesterday, for an "a cappella cover act of Celine Dion." [Sound of polite audience laughter.] No, he was there for something called the Dirty Hands Caravan, a "biodiesel cross-country bus trip" starting from the concert site and ending in New Orleans on Sunday. The speech, in its entirety, is above—make sure to stick around for the YouTube documentarians' pithy assessment of Penn's oratorical skills. [YouTube, AP]
· 30 Rock's GE CEO Don Geiss sure knows how to stack a board, doesn't he? Wave a little bacon over their noses, they're putty in your hands. [30 Rock]
· This is it! One more night before your appointment with the Demonshlonged One in the desert. We thought we'd put together a little Coachella Survival Kit for you. First, LA.com offers a pretty handy cheat sheet, packing list included. Next, your forecast (hot as a Satan's taint). And finally, a Trip Advisory, of sorts, offering reviews of every strain of ecstasy pill currently found in Southern California. You wouldn't want your Coachella experience to turn into a twin-demonshlong-headed nightmare! [LA.com, Weather.com, Pillreports.com]
· The new The Dark Knight one sheet is cool and all, but we would have gone in a different direction with it. There! That's better! [firstshowing.net]
· We almost completely forgot—it's Daddy Fridays at the Faultline tonight! Thanks, John Travolta at Michael Eisner's Walk of Fame ceremony! [DListed]
· Prince Caspian is a Cylon. [Photoshop Disaster]
As you attend to last-minute arrangements and packing for this weekend's Coachella Valley Music and Arts Festival (Off! brand Andy Dick Repellent? Check...Sarah Jessica Parker inflatable love doll? Check...), we guide you to these handy timetables of set times, paying particular attention to an artist scheduled to appear shortly after 2 p.m. Sunday.
It took long enough, but the release date of Scarlett Johansson's highly anticipated debut album is near. The LP, titled Anywhere I Lay My Head, features album cover art of Scarlett looking like an introspective earth mother and showcases her trademark fiery red lips and oft-victimized bosom. And what are we to expect from the music itself? As People reports, her long-awaited covers of famous Tom Waits tunes will include vocals from David Bowie and one original track by Scarlett herself, which sounds like it could be promising. But we took a look back at some of her past performances to get a better sense of what Scarlett's presumably sexy vocals sound like, and aren't entirely convinced Grammys lie in her future.
Because we are contractually obligated to pass along all shaky video footage involving actors publicly indulging their frustrated dreams of rock stardom, we spotlight this clip of Scarlett Johansson singing back-up for The Jesus and Mary Chain at this past weekend's Coachella festival, a performance that satisfied the Lost in Translation star's longtime wish to sing a single, off-key phrase in front of thousands of music fans so delirious from a day spent baking in triple-digit heat that her presence on stage would barely be noticed.
