What would any Coachella festival be without stars of every letter-caste wandering the VIP sections, and perhaps getting mouthy with a security guard who "doesn't care if you're the Queen of England, Mr. Hasselhoff, you're not on Prince's backstage guest list!" A round-up of the celebrity goings on:
· We finally have an answer to the burning question of last week: Hey—what's Sean Penn doing on the Coachella bill? As it turns out, he was not there to shoot some low-budget crowd scenes for Milk, nor was he there, as he joked from the Main Stage yesterday, for an "a cappella cover act of Celine Dion." [Sound of polite audience laughter.] No, he was there for something called the Dirty Hands Caravan, a "biodiesel cross-country bus trip" starting from the concert site and ending in New Orleans on Sunday. The speech, in its entirety, is above—make sure to stick around for the YouTube documentarians' pithy assessment of Penn's oratorical skills. [YouTube, AP]

· Is it just Shia LaBeouf, or is it hotter than Hades around here? Ahhh, that's better. [imnotobsessed.com]
· Nicole Richie and the Good Charlotte brother who Paris Hilton is not fucking brought their baby to the festivities! We know: Best Coachers ever! [E! Online]
· David Hasselhoff sported a black eye and bruised arm, for unknown reasons, though we've heard rumors that someone may have gotten a little too enthusiastic in the Mark Ronson dance pit. Says the Hoff: "That guy is really hot. I wouldn't miss him." [Mirror.co.uk]
· "Carmen Electra, Paris Hilton Frolic At Coachella Afterparty." Yup, that's it. [AP]
· As always, we encourage you to send in your own Coachella PrivacyWatches. Here's one to get you rolling: Dita von Teese, behind us at will call, in a red and white sun dress and matching hat, skin the color of a marshmallow. [bumpshack.com]