Piers Morgan was not too happy when 'Legitimate Rape' Rep. Todd Akin cancelled his appearance on Morgan's show at the last minute. So Morgan did what any sensible television host would do: he filmed an empty chair, and then challenged Akin to appear on the show tomorrow evening.

Here's an extremely simple rule for journalists wondering when to disclose that they're married to an influential government official: always. Always disclose that. This rule is, strangely, too complex for adult human Campbell Brown to understand.

In an interview this morning with Mitt Romney's surrogate John Sununu that was really just a shouting match, CNN's Soledad O'Brien attempted to explain to the former New Hampshire governor that the lies about Obama "stealing $700 billion" from Medicare are still, in fact, lies. But amidst her several attempts to get the facts straight and move on, At the 4:35 mark Sununu tells her she might as well just "put an Obama bumper sticker on her forehead." Which doesn't go over well.

Here's Anderson Cooper's boyfriend Benjamin Maisani, making out with someone who is not Anderson Cooper in a New York City park. Wait: Who? What? Where? When? Why? Allow us to answer your pressing questions.

Time editor-at-large Fareed Zakaria issued a statement this afternoon confessing to lifting parts from a New Yorker article by historian Jill Lepore for his own column on gun control.

T. J. Holmes was one mile from his Atlanta home when he was suddenly pulled over by two police cars. The normally affable CNN anchor proceeded to live-tweet the stop, getting progressively angerier with every status update.

Or "Batman Fan is Undaunted by Evil." [Video courtesy of CNN]

Everyone knows that Anderson Cooper is gay. The moments after the CNN anchor officially came out of the closet this morning were like an "over-it" contest on Twitter — a chance to see who could be the least surprised by the news.

CNN and Fox News viewers tuning in this morning to find out how SCOTUS ruled in the matter of the Affordable Care Act's individual mandate were initially presented with false information: Both channels (along with a few other news outlets) rushed to report that the mandate was struck down, despite the fact that it had been upheld.

You probably know that CNN completely and utterly blew it today, in the most embarrassing way possible, by reporting not "what happened" but, actually, the exact opposite. But did you know that it's all the fault of a super-hot news-babe? BuzzFeed's Michael Hastings explains in his piece about how stupid everyone at CNN is feeling:

In the immediate aftermath of the Supreme Court's highly anticipated ruling on the constitutionality of the Affordable Care Act's individual mandate, every news organization in America nearly trampled over one another in an effort to be the first to report the story.

Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha. Hahahahaha. Hahahahahahahahaha.

Absolutely no one is watching CNN anymore. The network has just posted figures for the second quarter of this year and, hoo-boy, they are terrible. A 40 percent drop in prime-time ratings since last year. The worst performance ever for a second quarter. Even CNN's mom has stopped watching it though she lies and says she still tunes in, like that kind of coddling is going to help anyone. If things continue on this path, our children will have no knowledge of the Cable News Network as we know it. To them, CNN will refer only to Ciennen, a popular girl from their kindergarten class.

Just in time for Father's Day, CNN.com has published a groundbreaking exposé declaring that not all dads are the blundering, inept morons they are portrayed to be on comedy programs and in television commercials.

In order to properly cover the Queen's Diamond Jubilee, CNN went with wall to wall coverage that provided ample opportunity for Piers Morgan and the other commentators to gush about all the boats and the way they turned and other various non-events. CNN was so committed to the event, they didn't even break away when that horrible plane crash in Nigeria occurred. On tonight's Daily Show, Jon Stewart recapped their coverage and was highly amused.

How stupid is tinted meatball Donald Trump? So stupid that Wolf Blitzer — Wolf Blitzer! — made him look like a fool on CNN. A partial transcript:

Perhaps you've heard that Facebook is going public this week in a massive IPO that values the company at over $100 billion. There's an apocalyptic air about the frenzy to be the first to invest in Facebook, as if this is the last chance we'll ever have to throw our money into an overhyped tech company stock. And here is a story that perfectly captures the dread and sadness I feel when confronted with so many people's boundless money-related optimism.

The public relations industry is happy to swallow ordinary happy life events, besmirch them, and poop them back out. It is a virtual besmirchment machine. This is PR Dummies. Besmirching the besmirchers, every week.

CNN.com featured a report Monday about a new website called Invite For a Bite that's dedicated to creating cheerful archipelagos out of sad, lonely women-islands who feel awkward eating alone.

As discussed on tonight's Daily Show, Fox News decided not to cover the primaries last night but instead chose to focus on their standard whining about the liberal elite and President Obama's poll numbers and NPR. Yet, they somehow managed to scoop CNN on the primary results, even though CNN was reporting the returns before they were official, making CNN the biggest loser of the night.