Citigroup has had a rough time recently. But the bank wouldn't want all the grim news to discourage the bright-eyed college students who signed on to join Citi's investment banking analyst class this May, would it? Of course not! Above you'll find the warm, fuzzy e-card the bank sent to its new recruits this week, which was accompanied by animated snowflakes. One thing it didn't come with, unfortunately: a guarantee that Citigroup will still exist by the time graduation rolls around.

We hope Jessica Seinfeld has some free time set aside in 2009. Missy Chase Lapine, the writer who sued the wife of the famous comedian earlier this year for copying her cookbook, Sneaky Chef, has a new title in the works. (Lapine also filed suit against Jerry for calling her a "wacko" on TV, as you may recall.) Lapine's agent, Joëlle Delbourgo, says her client sold a new book to Running Press, the same publisher responsible for her bestselling Sneaky Chef. It looks like Lapine has picked up a lesson or two, too: "Ms. Delbourgo declined to discuss the details of Ms. Lapine's new book." [NYT]

Ed Koch is turning 84 today. Happy birthday, Mr. Mayor! Jennifer Connelly is 38. Actor Tom Wilkinson is turning 60. Hollywood powerhouse Paula Wagner is turning 62. Fox Business anchor Liz Claman is 45. Rory Kennedy, the youngest daughter of Bobby Kennedy, is 40. Model Bridget Hall is turning 31. Dionne Warwick is 68. Mayim Bialik (yes, Blossom) is 33. And your favorite game show host ever, Bob Barker, is celebrating his 85th. Weekend birthdays below!

• Tommy Hilfiger and Dee Ocleppo may have cancelled their first wedding at the last minute back in August, but it looks like the second time is the charm: The couple is reportedly getting hitched later today in a "top-secret, ultra-private" ceremony at his house in Greenwich. [NYP]
• Kanye West is supposedly thinking of moving to London next year to pursue his fashion career. [Mirror]
• Graydon Carter says he personally handles seating arrangements at the Waverly Inn. Oh, and his "three buzz words" for 2009 are "sophisticated, innovative and entitlement." [P6]
• Tragic news: Jennifer Lopez and Marc Anthony just spent their first weekend apart since the birth of their twins. [Us]

• The last-minute rejection of the auto bailout yesterday has pretty much guaranteed that this will be a miserable day on Wall Street. [NYT, WSJ]
• Marc Dreier, the lawyer accused of stealing hundreds of millions from investors, was denied bail yesterday. The Post suggests "suicide hotlines in Greenwich could be lit up today as investors begin to realize how much they've lost in the rip-off scheme." [NYT, NYP]
• U.S. retail sales dropped 1.8 percent last month. [WSJ]
• Goldman Sachs has set aside $12 billion for bonuses, down from $20 billion last year. [Reuters]
• Bonuses on Wall Street are expected to be down 50 percent this year. [DB]
• Good news for ex-Merrill CEO Stan O'Neal: He may have a new job. [FIN]

• Shopping for high-end luxury products during a recession must be done covertly and in private, and must not be discussed with outsiders under any circumstances. [NYT]
• Stefano Gabbana has lots to say about the fashion biz. And seasonal fruit. [WWD]
• Saks is closing 16 of its bridal salons. [WWD]
• It looks like Agyness Deyn has a fresh fur scandal on her hands. [Daily Mail]
• Why did Tara Subkoff celebrate her birthday last night at the Carlyle? "I'm getting a little bit older and figured I needed to start making the shift." [SF]
• Diptyque and amyl nitrite: Kate Moss's winning combo. [ModelsBlog]
• Model Alessandra Ambrosio has launched a YouTube channel. [YouTube]
• Fashion mags: More nudity, less fashion. [R29]
• Two FIT students were busted last night for running a coke ring. [NYP]

Pop-up mini-shelter for homeless people [BoingBoing]

Bank of America has confirmed that it plans to cut 30,000 to 35,000 jobs over the next three years to "eliminate redundancies created as a result of the merger with Merrill Lynch and to reflect the current recessionary environment." Happy Thursday! [NYT, press release]

Vanity Fair has rounded up a few suggestions on how Barack Obama could spruce up the painfully dated Oval Office when he settles in the White House next month. One piece of advice from interior designer (and Oprah fave) Nate Berkus: "Can we all agree that the president shouldn't have 15 advisers all crowded onto two yellow sofas? Let's bring in some natural linens and more handsome colors, such as beige, army green, and brown." More here. [VF]

• David Chang's Momofuku Noodle Bar has a new $45 prix fixe dinner. [NYM]
• Less than three months after opening, Archipelago has closed down. [Eater]
• Devin Tavern on Greenwich Street has closed, too. [Eater]
• Noah Tepperberg's new lounge is one step closer to reality. [NYM]
• Frederick's Downtown appears to be having some money troubles. [P6]
• More photos from inside David Burke's Fishtail. [Zagat]
• Amanda Cohen talks about her new vegetarian spot, Dirt Candy. [Gothamist]
• Last call for lapdances at Scores: It's closing by the end of the year. [NYDN]

Ex-mayor David Dinkins is currently listed in critical condition after undergoing heart surgery this afternoon at New York Hospital to replace a damaged heart valve. But he's expected to make a full recovery and hopes to "get back on the tennis courts" in the near future. [Newsday]

We've never been much of a fan of those duffel bags you see investment banking analysts carrying on the subway. But now that banking is dead, does that mean the only people who will be carrying them in the near future will be ironic hipsters who picked up their green-and-blue Lehman Brothers duffels on Ebay? Those bags pale in comparison to some of the other items that banks have stamped with their logos, though. In honor of the demise of Merrill Lynch, we trolled around to find the three most unfortunate items the firm has unleashed on humanity over the years.

Click here for a larger pic. After the jump, the identities of these disturbingly thin social fixtures.

It's only natural that the economic downturn makes us want to vent a bit. And naturally we need appropriate targets for our anger, like the CEOs of auto companies who fly to Washington on corporate jets to ask for taxpayer cash, or Wall Street executives who fire thousands and then still ask for eight-figure bonuses. Today you can direct your scorn in the direction of Suzanne Sirof, the wife of a prominent litigation attorney in LA who says she fired her impoverished El Salvadoran nanny so she could keep up with her beauty regimen. "Nothing deters me from my Botox treatments," she says. [WSJ]

Wondering why so many diets have failed you in the past? It's probably because you weren't properly incentivized! A study by behavioral economists at the University of Pennsylvania and Carnegie Mellon found that structuring a weight loss plan around cold hard cash worked marvelously, not surprisingly. The only downside? When the payments stopped, so did the weight loss. [Time]

• Newsweek is planning to cut staff as well as give the mag a makeover. [WSJ]
• NPR is cutting 7 percent of its staff and dropping two shows. [NYT]
• Ad spending fell 2 percent during the third quarter, although online advertising continued to grow. [Adage]
• Les Moonves isn't too worried about Jay Leno's move to primetime. [NYP]
• Rumor has it Entertainment Weekly may go web-only. [Gawker]
• Reed Elsevier, which has been trying to sell trade titles like Variety and Publishers Weekly, is pulling them off the market. [NYP]
• Golden Globe nominations were announced this morning. [HFPA]

Liev Schreiber and Naomi Watts shopping at the Whole Foods on East Houston ... Matthew Broderick walking with son James down Seventh Avenue ... Isaac Mizrahi strolling down Sixth Avenue last night with his boyfriend Arnold ... Carl Bernstein walking with wife Christine Kuehbeck and her giant umbrella ... Katie Holmes talking on her cell phone outside her apartment building ... and Brooke Shields walking downtown.

Let's take a moment to share Plum Sykes' pain, shall we? According to the Independent, the Bergdorf Blondes author and social fixture is now finding that her "efforts to crack the potentially lucrative American TV market are in danger of falling victim to the credit crunch." Earlier this year Sykes landed a deal with NBC to pen a sitcom about "female tycoons" called Mogulettes, which was described in the press as "Sex In the City-like." (Apparently that's a good thing.) But now, just as she puts the finishing touches on the script for the pilot, she's discovered that the show's prospects aren't looking too bright. "These are very difficult times at the moment with the credit crunch," she says. "No one has any money for anything, so we'll just have to wait and see what happens. It's a really terrible time." We're sure things will turn around soon enough. After all, she goes on to say she's looking to Tamara Mellon and Ivanka Trump for career inspiration. How could she possibly go wrong?

You can only trust about 18 percent of the things you read in the National Enquirer. (We haven't done the math or anything; we're just throwing out a random number.) So we'll take the news today that one of Martha Stewart's family members is planning to write an "explosive" tell-all about the domestic diva with a grain of salt. But there's no harm in fantasizing, is there? The Enquirer claims the book will include details about Martha's "boozing, eating and crying binges" and the "special lady friend" she met in prison. And it will also reveal dirt on Martha's long list of enemies, including Rachael Ray and Donald Trump.

Laid off recently? Still mourning the loss of a paycheck and the perks you'd grown accustomed to, like car service, gym memberships, and free meals? Here's one thing you can now save money on: razors! "Unemployment beards" are all the rage right now, reports the Wall Street Journal, which says more and more unemployed execs are growing their facial hair while they "take stock" of their lives. Given all his problems as of late (and more bad news yesterday), this does have us concerned about Harvey Weinstein's scruffy look. Planning ahead, perhaps?