It's been a rough few months for aging British musicians, apparently. According to the Sunday Times, Elton John's net worth has plummeted by 26 percent on account of the financial crisis. Mick Jagger is down 16 percent and is now worth a mere $280 million. And Eric Clapton's net worth now stands at $176 million, since his fortune has dwindled by 14 percent over the last year. Good news (or bad news, depending on your perspective): The paper reports David and Victoria Beckham's wealth is unchanged. [Bloomberg]

Just in case the doomsday scenarios about Facebook and Twiitter had you worried, "stress-reduction expert" Soren Gordhamer has some Zen-based advice. While he believes that technology, especially the Web, is our biggest source of stress, he says avoiding it is not the solution: Instead, we should aim to be "'consciously' rather than 'constantly' connected," and "incorporate Eastern meditative practices to help ease the frantic anxiety produced by the high-speed techno-culture." Does sitting cross-legged at your computer count? [Reuters]

And you were thinking that the fro-yo trend was fizzling out. Pinkberry just revealed that it's secured another $5.8 million in venture capital financing, funds that will likely go to expanding the 73-store-strong chain. Pinkberry isn't the only frozen yogurt enterprise in growth mode. Red Mango recently raised additional funding, too, and says it plans to open 550 locations across the U.S. over the next five years. One small glimmer of hope: One of Pinkberry's big backers is Starbucks CEO Howard Schultz, so there's always the possibility that the two chains combine at some point, thereby placing mediocre, overpriced coffee and mediocre, overpriced frozen yogurt under one roof. [WSJ, peHUB]

• Arthur Sulzberger Jr. says he has no plans to take the New York Times Co. private, despite "brutal conditions" that threaten his paper's survival. [NYT]
• Meanwhile, Moody's has downgraded the NYT Co.'s credit rating. [E&P]
• A few theories on why Peter Kaplan departed Jared Kushner's Observer, and what's in store for Kaplan—and the paper—in the future. [WWD]
• Former Facebook exec Owen Van Natta is the new CEO of MySpace. [WSJ]
• Is GE looking to sell NBC Universal to Time Warner? It's possible! [TDB]
• Ambushing the ambusher: Staking out the home of Jesse Watters, the Fox News producer who stalks liberals for Bill O'Reilly. [Gawker]

There's fresh evidence that members of the social set have turned to petty crime as they cope with the downturn. There are no missing handbags this time around, but there are several vases full of flowers that could be eventually entered into evidence. Vanity Fair reports that several people made off with the orange tulip centerpieces at the Robert F. Kennedy Jr.-hosted Fisherman's Ball the other night. Alas, VF is not naming names. But presumably we'll find out who was responsible for these despicable acts just as soon as Andrew Cuomo starts issuing subpoenas. [VF]

We have some new—and disturbing—information on the house of horrors in Bedford occupied by billionaire Nelson Peltz and his wife Claudia. (If you missed yesterday's installment, go here.) We've made contact with several other people who worked inside the home in the past, and their stories, which are just as outrageous as the ones we'd heard previously, make it clear that the Peltzes may very well be the scariest couple to work for in the tri-state area.

David Letterman attending a Rangers game at Madison Square Garden and seated not far from where Jimmy Fallon was cheering on the team with his wife, Nancy Juvonen ... John Leguizamo and wife Justine walking their poodle ... Hilary Duff running errands near Union Square ... Liev Schreiber and Naomi Watts carrying coffee downtown ... Brad Pitt visiting Angelina Jolie on the set of Salt ... Rachel McAdams walking in the West Village ... America Ferrera, Michael Urie, and Becki Newton on the set of Ugly Betty ... John Goodman wandering around by himself ... and Arpad Busson leaving Uma Thurman's townhouse in the Village with her son Levon.

In a much needed antidote to the jealousy even those of us with minimal tech skills harbor toward people who have made a fortune inventing iPhone applications, many disgruntled developers are venting about how unfair it is that their apps didn't make it into the Apple store. On Wednesday, Apple dropped the "Baby Shaker"—users had to shake their phones to get a digital baby to stop crying; last year's "I Am Rich" app, which served no purpose but still cost $999, was initially accepted by Apple but then pulled shortly thereafter. So what other juvenile pleasures are iPhone users being denied by Apple's inscrutable screening process?

If you're a Gossip Girl fan and you have no objection to spending your Friday afternoon in a sea of teenage girls at a mall in New Jersey, you may want to take note of this: "Gossip Girl cast member Jessica Szohr will be appearing at the Mall at Short Hills, Short Hills NJ today at 5pm! Come meet Jessica, Teen Vogue Editor-in-Chief Amy Astley and designer Vivienne Tam! The Teen Vogue Haute Spot is a concept retail store in the Mall at Short Hills. It's a place for girls to interact with various brands and themselves! See the hottest looks for Prom and test out the latest technology from HP including Vivienne Tam digital clutches and touch screen computers. Plus win a free HP digital clutch computer!"

Fortune's massive article on Bernie Madoff is online and well worth your time if you have a free hour or so to spare today. You'll be pleased to hear the admitted fraudster is doing just fine in his 76-square-foot jail cell. He's exercising and reading a lot of books, and "looks surprisingly good these days." As always, if you'd like to drop Bernie a line and say hi, here's how. [Fortune]

Look, when you've got an extended family in Brazil to support, not to mention a private jet on order, earning tens of millions from modeling contracts doesn't necessarily provide the security you need, okay? So it's only natural that Gisele would want to supplement her earnings with a little gambling. Mrs. Tom Brady, already the world's highest earning supermodel, says she's won more than a million dollars in just four months by betting on Italian soccer team Inter Milan. Life really isn't fair, is it? [Metro]

• Russell Simmons' brother Danny, who runs a gallery in Brooklyn and co-founded the Rush Philanthropic Arts Foundation with his brothers Russell and Rev Run, has put his 2,000-square-foot loft in Clinton Hill up for sale for $1.175 million. [WSJ, Corcoran]
• Raphael De Niro, the son of Robert De Niro and a managing director at Prudential Douglas Elliman, has a new apartment. He and wife Claudine paid $2.9 million for a three-bedroom condo at 497 Greenwich Street. [Real Deal]

Gossip Cindy Adams celebrates her 79th birthday today. Barbra Streisand is 67. Designer Jean-Paul Gaultier turns 57. Mets star Carlos Beltran is turning 32. Playwright Eric Bogosian is 56. Djimon Hounsou (and Kimora Lee's significant other) is 45. Political reporter Andrew Kirtzman turns 48. Mystery writer Sue Grafton is turning 69. Veteran diplomat Richard Holbrook is 67. Kelly Clarkson is 27. Cedric the Entertainer is turning 45. And Shirley MacLaine is 75. Weekend birthdays—including that of the newly-named worst CEO ever, Dick Fuld, this Sunday—after the jump!

What's stranger: The fact that this man was seen all over town yesterday marketing a sex toy website dressed as George Bush and holding a "Stimulating the economy" sign? (It seems no one has informed the company that Bush is no longer president and another guy is in charge of "stimulating" the economy these days.) Or that the name of the company references a TV show that went off the air half a decade ago? Hard to say! A tipster sent this in to us a little while ago, but there's footage of him acting out in Midtown, too, if you're interested.

• Are Michelle Williams and Spike Jonze planning to head down the aisle this summer? That's what the Star claims, since the two have been together "almost a year" and supposedly "don't see why they should wait much longer." As good a reason as any! [Star]
• Sam Ronson changed her relationship status on Facebook to "It's complicated," and says she and LiLo have started talking again, which may mean they're getting back together. [Us]
• Mary-Kate Olsen "kept touching" actor Bradley Cooper at a Tribeca Film Festival party, which could be a sign that they might be dating. [NYDN]
• Parker Posey showed off her new man at the festival, too. She's dating a sculptor named Scott Lenhardt. [NYM]

• After a two-month wait, the nation's 19 largest banks will start to hear today how they did on those stress tests conducted by Washington regulators. [NYT]
• If the test indicates Citigroup will need more money to stay afloat, Vikram Pandit can probably kiss his job as the bank's CEO goodbye. [NYP]
• Andrew Cuomo is urging federal regulators to investigate allegations that Hank Paulson and Ben Bernanke applied pressure to Bank of America chief Ken Lewis to go ahead with the acquisition of Merrill Lynch. [WSJ, NYT, CNN]
• Chrysler is preparing to file for Chapter 11 as soon as next week. [WSJ]

• Is fashion in need of a bailout? Some people seem to think so! [NYT]
• The debut of Matthew Williamson's line for H&M resulted in a "mild frenzy," although it didn't reach Topshop levels of craziness. [Racked, NYM, Racked]
• Meanwhile, Williamson's debut in London attracted the likes of Sienna Miller and Mischa Barton, among others. [Vogue UK]

• Suggestions on places to eat in the vicinity of the Tribeca Film Festival. [NYP]
• It's going to be hot this weekend. Luckily for you, the backyards at Bobo and Table 8 are both open for business (or will be by this weekend). [Eater]
• Balducci's on 14th Street closes this Sunday and there's a big sale underway, not that there's much of anything left on the store's shelves. [GS]
• David Burke's coping with the downturn just fine, thanks very much. [WSJ]
• Matt Levine of Eldridge infamy is making over Thor. [GS]
• Tom Potter, the retired co-founder of Brooklyn Brewery, is hoping to establish Brooklyn's first whiskey and gin distillery. [Brooklyn Paper]
• At last night's City Harvest auction, a private dinner by Eric Ripert went for $45K. Surfing and dinner in the Hamptons with Marc Murphy took in 14K. [GS]

Steve Rattner may eventually face civil and/or criminal charges in connection with an alleged kickback scheme involving his investment firm, Quadrangle Group. Many suspect it's just a matter of time before the scandal forces President Obama to oust him as his point man on the auto industry bailout. There's speculation he'll face repercussions from Quadrangle investors as a result of the saga. And even if he manages to avoid any serious legal consequences, there's no question his rep has taken a big blow. But he has one person on his side: Michael Bloomberg!

Ever wish you could read through Salma Hayek's email? You can. Some hackers gained access to her account—her email address was shayek@mac.com—and saved screenshots of what they found. Enjoy. Or don't, and chalk it up to further evidence the Internet is rapidly destroying civilization as we know it. [Gawker]