Maybe you've heard of film director Joseph McGinty Nichol, popularly known as "McG." Perhaps you'd like him to get beat up, if only because he calls himself McG? If so, don't fret—-Bill Murray already did it.

Prince Harry isn't being a dick! Octomom gets her own TV show, Candy Spelling works her late husband's TV pitches in real time, and Rachel Bilson doesn't eat chap stick. Presenting your Saturday morning gossip roundup.

That's the lesson for this big boffo box office Memorial Day weekend, which saw the further ascension of the Stills, as well as screenwriters/Reno: 911! costars Thomas Lennon and Robert Ben Garant, who just keep churning out the hits. Poor skull-busting Terminator, a film that seems to be in trouble.

Anne Hathaway walking downtown with boyfriend Adam Shulman ... Justin Timberlake and Jessica Biel holding hands on the street ... Christian Bale getting out of an SUV in Midtown ... Rihanna leaving a recording studio in Chelsea ... Michelle Williams walking in Brooklyn with mom Carla and daughter Matilda ... Josh Hartnett picking something out of his teeth on a Soho sidewalk ... Eliza Dushku walking in Midtown ... Rick Fox leaving his hotel ... Naomi Watts walking to the set of Fair Game in the meatpacking district ... Simon Baker talking on his cell phone ... Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt sitting in a limo outside their hotel ... and Kiefer Sutherland waving to photographers.

[Submit your own Gawker Stalker sightings to stalker@gawker.com] May 4 @ 9am Christian Bale on Christopher street with two dudes and a young girl.

• After a handful of false alarms (and after claiming they were weren't even engaged) Tom Brady and Gisele Bundchen finally got married yesterday, tying the knot in a small ceremony at a Catholic church in Santa Monica. [Us, People]
• It looks like Jeremy Piven won't be penalized for walking away from Speed-the-Plow, since officials from Actors' Equity and the Broadway League couldn't come to a consensus at his hearing yesterday. [NYT, NYP]
• Russell Simmons has agreed to pay Kimora $40,000 a month in child support until their daughters turn 19. [People]
• Derek Jeter is supposedly dating a 22-year-old FIT student. Given she enjoys playing his voicemails for her group of friends, you probably shouldn't expect the relationship to last very long. [NYDN]

After the controversy that ended production on Public Enemies beneath a pall of suspicion and busted craft-services morale, we are relived to hear today that Michael Mann's gangster epic survived — and maybe even flourished.

Out of popular demand, and several days too late, the results vastly exceeded our expectations. [YouTube via BoingBoing]

As if on cue, Christian Bale has surfaced with tail tucked neatly between legs to apologize for the rant that has kept bloggers, Access Hollywood reporters, and talk show hosts knee-deep in material for days.

When Jennifer Aniston feels sentimental, she plays her old Brad Pitt phone messages. When Guy Ritchie feels sentimental, he does gay karaoke. When Marc Jacobs feels sentimental, he screws rentboy-style, outside.

There's two sides to every story of a superstar's verbal smackdown of a futz-happy DP. If we're to believe Radar, Shane Hurlbut—the berated cinematogapher in question—was a set terror the crew was glad to see humiliated.

OHHHHH GOOOOD, word has emerged of yet another recipient of Christian Bale's generous anger-gifting: trailblazing feminist hero Gloria Steinem!

We've now had several days to absorb Christian Bale's tirade—an egomaniacal eruption from the depths of Mt. Methodia the likes of which we haven't seen since Russell Crowe's phone-flinging lobby escapades.

Try not to get frustrated. Christian Bale may have yelled his way out of a gold statue, and Tom Cruise never stopped to think why those glib Brazilians weren't responding to his Spanish.

• Tom Cruise tried to impress a group of reporters at a press event in Brazil by speaking Spanish instead of Portuguese. Nice one, Tom. [P6]
• Etta James is no fan of Beyonce. She told a crowd in Seattle that she "can't stand" the singer, and that she "had no business" singing "At Last" at Obama's inauguration two weeks ago. Oh, and she's "gonna get her ass whupped," if she keeps singing Etta's songs, too. [NYDN, OK!]
• Paris Hilton wants to date a "big-money man" in LA, but she isn't having much success finding one who's willing to be seen with her in public. [P6]

· Look, Shane Hurlbut interrupted the emotional lynchpin of the entire Terminator Salvation story! Now people who dress up as its characters for Halloween might wind up looking totally ridiculous.
· "Penn. Rourke Hathaway. Streep. We're on a first name basis." Um...are you sure about that, LAT?
· Vanity Fair gets a sneak peek at NBC's fall schedule.
· "Goddamnit, Shirl—Nazi zombies again! Traffic's gonna be backed up for miles. Better call your mom."
· Wired counts down the Top 10 Celebrity Rants Caught on Tape.
· Dancing with the Stars casting rumor: Denise Richards and Steve-O. Two more reasons not to watch!
· Well, lookee here: Bikini Girl rides again.
· And because we can't resist: one more Bale mashup, this time with seminal Disney newsboy musical, Newsies.

Well, they say if you stick around in Hollywood long enough, your biggest liability will eventually turn into your most bankable asset. (Actually they don't say that, but they should.) It certainly was Aggro Batman's case, as his fist-shaking haranguing of Japanese passersby who snap his photo but fail to produce the customary $5 donation have now brought new levels of verisimilitude to his ill-tempered characterization. [YouTube]

We hate to admit that we've listened to Christian Bale's tirade in its various forms so many times, it now comes off sounding like perfectly level-headed discourse, oooh goood you fucking little pricks.

Omigod. We thought we were done with remixes of actor Christian Bale's crazy on-set freakout, but this one's too good not to post. It's insane Bill O'Reilly vs. insane Bale. It syncs up perfectly.

Before you get upset, let me clarify. I mean ugly people. People who like to imagine that the (unending!!!!!) struggle between members of the opposite sex (the gay people are just cute little helpers in this movie's world, like forks and spoons from Beauty and the Beast) is quantifiable and universal. Here's a hint: it's not! And even the doggishly handsome Justin Long can't boil the whole gurgling circus down to a safe little o.b. size. So why are you spending money on the stupid movie, an act which tangentially involves giving Greg Behrendt money. You don't want to do that.