What sort of college woman would turn her body into a walking KFC advertisement by accepting $500 to wear sweatpants with "Double Down" emblazoned on the buttocks? An empowered one!

KFC will pay college girls $500 to walk around campus wearing sweatpants that bear the "Double Down" logo on the ass. Girls who dine too frequently at KFC are presumably not the desired models. [via Adfreak]

A bunch of food scientists—including Tofurky's creator and the guy who invented soft raisins—are closing in on a fake meat that tastes like chicken. It's the "holy grail" of fake food, and it's nearly impossible to make synthetically.

KFC knows how to do three things: 1. Get lots of PR for its terrifying chicken-byproduct products; 2. Lose money; and 3. Make comical "branding" statements, while doing items one and two. Wait'll you catch the new tagline!

Want to see a puppy hump a chicken in a cardboard box?

"Where's the beef?" That will likely be exclaimed when you learn that our nation's fast food industry is facing a new crisis: beef is not so cheap these days. Not to worry! Fast food chains have many other "delicious" options.

At a conference on Tuesday, Bolivian leader Evo Morales said hormones in chicken cause men who eat it to "experience deviances in being men." He means "makes them gay." Luckily this can be counteracted by eating pizza in the shower.

On last night's Community, the group took a page from the world of organized crime to manipulate Greendale's chicken finger supply. Set your minds to "loving homage" and watch the plan in action with Scorsese-esque detail.

KFC's nasty Double Down sandwich was the buzziest product rollout since KFC's Oprah-sponsored Grilled Chicken fiasco last year—which helped KFC lose $4.9 billion in sales and 1.7 market share points in 2009. This time is different, though. [AdAge]

Last Friday, New York Times restaurant critic Sam Sifton wrote that he would be eating at KFC today. So naturally, Eater "posted operatives at every branch of KFC in Manhattan." And caught Sifton in the act! Scared yet, media people?

Four times, Texas pastor Jesse Martin has traveled to grand openings of Chik-fil-A restaurants—even camping overnight—to win a free year's supply of Chik-fil-A food. His passion for chicken burns so bright it seems to discomfit even Chik-fil-A itself.

Chickens are raised for their delicious eggs and thighs. If it is already giving its life for mankind's benefit, it doesn't need to be humiliated in the process.

Chicken wings are cheap, tasty, and more popular than ever. How popular? They're the most expensive part of the bird, these days. The real victim here: The once-beloved breast.

When KFC enlisted Oprah to help roll out its new "Grilled" "Chicken" food product, sparking furious chicken riots across America, it looked like the "Grilled" "Chicken" food product would go down as a terrible fiasco. Think again! Grease+teevee lady=win.

All the grease-scarred veterans of the Oprah Chicken Riots of '09 know that they were bad. But did you know they were one of the worst marketing disasters of all time?

The breadth of Oprah's Free KFC Giveaway Disaster yesterday is just starting to become clear. Reports now indicate that the desperate—and dangerous—Oprah-induced public rush for free chicken and biscuits was a nationwide phenomenon:

Queen of the USA Oprah gave out coupons to the whole world for a free KFC lunch today. And guess what: As we speak, there are Riots and Sit-Ins and Furor at KFC. BREAKING:

Here's the recipe for Mcdonald's new Southern Chicken Sandwich: "a breaded chicken breast garnished with two pickles." Why hasn't anyone thought of this breakthrough item before? They have! This same sandwich has been Chik-fil-A's signature for years. But McD's is all like, "Uh, what? We totally don't know what you're talking about." Whatever, sandwich thieves!

The Assimilated Negro is the issuing authority for your own personal Ghetto Pass, helping you safely navigate among the people and places of browner territories.