On Christmas Day, a Chicago cab driver picked up 25-year-old Joseph Hoffman. When they arrived at Hoffman's destination, he was passed out cold. The driver eventually called police, who found a mobile meth lab and other drugs worth $450,000.

Election officials have determined that ex-White House chief of staff Rahm Emanuel did maintain his Chicago residency during his two years in Washington, after seeing his crawlspace. Now Emanuel is free to win that Chicago mayor's race that he's winning.

Ex-White House chief of staff Rahm Emanuel is still trying to prove that he maintained Chicago residency during his two yers in Washington, so he can become Chicago's next mayor. And that's why he's giving tours of his basement crawlspace.

Vulgar ex-White House chief of staff Rahm Emanuel has a massive lead in early Chicago mayoral polling. And now singer-actress Jennifer Hudson is going help him raise money! He's in great shape, assuming he doesn't get kicked off the ballot.

R.I.P. to Chicago's Cabrini-Green, the single most notorious housing project in America. Not a good idea, after all.

Rob Halpin, the businessman who rented ex-White House chief of staff Rahm Emanuel's Chicago home and wouldn't leave when Emanuel returned from Washington, is now considering running against Emanuel for Chicago mayor. Is "Rob Halpin" just an elaborate trolling scheme?

Chicago police have partially shut down L train service while they investigate a suspicious package at the Addison Street stop.

Need a couch for your apartment—one that says "I hate Jews... but I love good engineering"? Well, look no further: An "Authenitic [sic] German engineered Swastika velvet green Couch circa 1937," available on Craigslist for one dollar!

[Chicago voters arrive at an unconventional polling station located in a laundromat today. No word on if they elected darks or whites. Image via AP]

[A commuter in Chicago deals with some hair-raising weather as storms whipped across the Midwest today. Image via AP]

Poor Illinois Green Party gubernatorial candidate Rich Whitney, the victim of an extremely cartoonish "error:" His name has been misspelled as "Rich Whitey" on voting machines in nearly two dozen Chicago wards, half of them "predominantly African-American."

Mark Kirk, the Republican candidate for Senate in Illinois, is planning on sending out special "voter integrity" squads to help prevent voter fraud. Where are they headed? Oh, just to four largely black neighborhoods in Chicago.

New York Times columnist David Brooks is a softy for many things, but especially ex-White House chief of staff Rahm Emanuel. Brooks doesn't get why people think Emanuel's so mean! He was always so nice on the telephone, after all.

Rahm Emanuel, who was the second most powerful person in Washington just a few days ago, is now merely harassing commuters on Chicago subway platforms to kick off his mayoral campaign. Watch as the commuters react with indifference, mostly!

It's official: Rahm Emanuel is running for Mayor of Chicago! He's got a website and a boring YouTube video and everything. Let's listen to mayoral candidate Rahm Emanuel announce his candidacy and his "Tell It Like It Is" Tour.

Rahm Emanuel resigned as White House chief of staff today to run for mayor of Chicago. For someone with such a hardened, Machiavellian reputation, his farewell speech — during which he choked up — was surprisingly eloquent. Where's the rage?

White House chief of staff Rahm Emanuel, about whom every rumor is usually true, will resign tomorrow to run for mayor of Chicago. Pete Rouse, Obama's ex-Senate chief of staff, will take over. But where will "Rahmbo" live? [Image: Getty]

Margaret Matthews, a 68 year-old Chicago woman, was reportedly being "terrorized" by a group of middle school vandals in her neighborhood. So when one of them broke her window, she shot him. He's 12. She's already a folk hero.

White House chief of staff Rahm Emanuel is the actual most terrifying human in America, but the people renting his Chicago home don't give a shit: They're refusing to move out early for his return. When will Emanuel stab them?

Last year, Rep. Jesse Jackson Jr. was accused of asking supporters to contribute to Gov. Rod Blagojevich in order to secure the Senate seat of Barack Obama. Now he's under fire for asking donors to fund his model mistress' lifestyle.