What happens when Dana Carvey attempts to show Dave how to make a great impression of Charlie Sheen? For Carvey, it's a mix of Johnny Carson and Jack Nicholson's voices. How did it sound? Winning, duh!

During tonight's Jimmy Kimmel Live!, Kimmel was in the middle of interviewing Mark Cuban when the subject of conversation turned to Charlie Sheen. Then, much to the surprise of Kimmel—and the audience—Sheen showed up! He seemed... excited.

Not only did Charlie Sheen take a meeting with Fox about possible projects, he's also talking to the head of CBS about getting his job on Two and a Half Men back. Who would want to hire this guy?

Toronto tattoo artist Andrew Ottenhof got a tattoo of Charlie Sheen wearing a tiger head. It also has the Twitter bird and a couple of hash tags. One of these days, Andrew is going to wish he could chop this off with a machete. Oh, and next time someone asks if there's anyone stupider and crazier than Charlie Sheen, point them toward Canada.

Chris Brown explains the emergence of a naked self-portrait: "Girls be reckless." Lindsay Lohan goes clubbing in New York. For the price of 15 minutes with a high-end hooker, you can now meet Charlie Sheen. TGIFriday gossip.

Professional pollsters are just being mean to Sarah Palin now. Public Policy Polling finds that Charlie Sheen — "one of the most unpopular figures we've ever polled on" — tops Sarah Palin among independents in a presidential poll, 41-36.

Did you know Charlie Sheen is an inventor and holds a genuine U.S. patent? It's true. It's not a sex toy (although it sure looks like one). But if his $100 million lawsuit against Warner Bros. and Two and a Half Men producer Chuck Lorre doesn't work out, he can always fall back on the crazy business schemes he hatched in the 1990s. Here's a survey.

Courtney Love offers to "take a metal straw" to Kurt Cobain's remains. Charlie Sheen enters the t-shirt business. Gilbert Gottfried regrets his tsunami jokes. Joe Jonas swears he's not gay. Wednesday gossip communes with the beyond.

It's been quite some time since we checked in with Dustin and Jayden, Manhattan's most obnoxious homosexuals. We bumped into them last night at a bar in Hells Kitchen and they were talking about Charlie Sheen, Lindsay Lohan, and the tsunami. Here's what they had to say.

What hath Charlie Sheen wrought?

Lindsay Lohan hyperventilates and calls the paparazzi "animals." Someone is selling a sex tape of Usher. Charlie Sheen misses his son's birthday party. Britney Spears reunites with K-Fed at her son's baseball game. Monday gossip sucks and blows.

• At the Nerd BBQ fest South by Southwest, some guy tried to take Jake Gyllenhaal's picture at the premier of his nerd thriller Source Code… while he was in the bathroom peeing. Ew, guy! Jake confronted the guy, who eventually deleted it. And of course, it being South By Southwest, the whole ordeal was live-tweeted: Wrote one guy: "Gyllenhaal apparently grabbed the dude mid-photo, threw him against the wall and was like, ‘are we really gonna do this right now?'" Clearly, Jake needs to take a lesson in transparency from James Franco, just tweets pictures of his (maybe) penis before anyone else has a chance to. [HollywoodNews]

Alec Baldwin has penned a long column for the Huffington Post about what Charlie Sheen should do instead of filing his crazy $100 million lawsuit against Warner Brothers.

• Mel Gibson entered a "no contest" plea to his charge of battery against Oksana Grigorieva yesterday and will receive no jail time. Mel was accused of hitting Oksana while she held their kid on January 6, 2010. Then there was the whole back-and-forth in the tabloids, the pictures of Oksana's battered face released, the authenticity of those pictured questioned, etc. etc. It was all for nothing! The plea allows Mel to maintain his innocence, while not exactly pleading "innocence." Now Mel will be forced to do 16 hours of community service for a group called "Mending Kids," and must stay away from Oksana, which he has to do anyway. So, we put an unhinged and violent man in contact with kids for 16 hours? Nice punishment. Meanwhile, Oksana's lawsuit against Mel continues unabated. [TMZ]

Police raided Charlie Sheen's house last night looking for weapons after he was seen brandishing a machete from his balcony earlier in the week. He claims it wasn't his and it belongs to the "guy [he] was having a meeting with." Sorry, Charlie, that excuse didn't work when my mom found my bong when I was in high school and it's not going to work now.

On Access Hollywood Live, Mike Tyson discusses the topic on everyone's lips lately: Charlie Sheen. In almost full Tom Cruise spirit, Iron Mike becomes more and more vibrant. Perhaps someone took a dose of the S-H-double-E-N.

Charlie Sheen has a nice meal while the LAPD searches his house for firearms. Ashlee Simpson rebounds with her husband's friend. Monica Lewinsky is "still in love" with Bill. TGIFriday gossip.

According to TMZ, police are raiding Charlie Sheen's Beverly Hills' home in a "pre-planned raid" tonight:

Yesterday, Charlie Sheen issued a tirade against his former Two and a Half Men co-star, Jon Cryer, labeling him a, "turncoat, traitor, troll." On tonight's episode of Conan, Cryer appeared on stage to respond to Sheen's insults. Here's video.