Keith Kelly reports today that the always-popular Wenner Media has abandoned plans to launch a second celebrity magazine, presumably because Us Weekly didn't have the energy to baby-sit a little sister. Overseeing the magazine was part of Us EIC Janice Min's new $1.2 million contract — will Jann have to pry the related compensation from Min's cold, dead hands? Or will he be too busy play-editing Men's Journal to take care of financial housekeeping?

Us Weekly editor Janice Min, a Colorado native, was profiled in yesterday's Denver Post. We'll spare you all the boring, usual stuff that Coloradans apparently don't know but you New Yorkers, naturally, do — Janice is tiny, she wears Prada, she's often barefoot around the office, her staff loves her, media people have lunch at Michael's — and instead put the spotlight on her kvelling mother:

Determined to prove that they are nothing if not honorable purveyors of God-honest fluff, Us Weekly has actually enlisted the aid of Jack Trimarco and Paul Eckman, lying experts who have worked with the FBI and helped Al Qaeda interrogations. Now, they've stopped questioning terrorists for the sake of infotainment, and have instead turned their attention to stage-dad Joe Simpson and his denials of Nick and Jessica's marital problems.

Reuters and VNU presented a panel last night called "The Cult of Celebrity: Who's Using Whom," which featured Us princess Janice Min, medialand dark lord Michael Wolff, Hollywood Reporter columnist Anne Thompson, celebrated celebrity publicist Ken Sunshine, and, looking stunning, our better half. Fireworks were promised, and so was free booze.

Click to enlarge

At right, from the forthcoming Us Weekly, an image of probably-single poputante Jessica Simpson in posession of the international bestseller How to Deal With People You Can't Stand (click to enlarge). From the book description:

It's official: Mary-Kate Olsen, the tragically-rich Bolivian mascot of hard-partying twins everywhere, has left NYU. You know what they say: If you love an anorexic squirrel, set it free.

Star breaks the Watergatian news today that Jennifer Aniston has taken to saying that Angelina Jolie looks like Gollum. Helpfully, the magazine then considers whether it's a reasonable charge.

OK! magazine paid $2 million to secure the rights to this image, which allegedly shows Britney Spears holding her newborn Federletus. As far as we're concerned, this is a shot of someone holding a Cabbage Patch Kid. Consider us dumbfounded.

• You can't even win in magazine publishing by appealing to the lowest common denominator, as tabloid king David Pecker is learning the hard way. [BusinessWeek]
• You can win, though, by appealing to the just-better-than-lowest denominator, as Jann Wenner — and his Us staff of the cool girls — has learned the fun way. [WP]
• OK! America has the Britney baby pix, allegedly. It's amazing what a little scratch can get you. [Access Hollywood via MSNBC]
• Oprah re-opens book club to works by contemporary authors. Jonathan Franzen is appalled. Then pleased. Then appalled again. [NYT]
• Economist gives free subscriptions to influential bloggers. We didn't get one, so take a guess who doesn't get a comments invitation. [Folio:]
• New weekend WSJ is a "spectacular bellyflop," says William Powers. Come on, tell us what you really think. [National Journal]
• "I'm a chiropodist," The Daily Show's Stephen Colbert tells his kids, according to the Times Mag. [E&P]

• Steve Fishman reconstructs and deconstructs the entire relationship between Lachlan Murdoch and Rupert, determining that Lach left because dad wouldn't let him be his own man. [NY Mag]
• Anderson Cooper, meanwhile, remains inscrutable — about his job, about his sex life, about where to have lunch — while everyone just keeps loving him more. [NY Mag]
• Everyone, that is, except Franklin Foer, who finds him "a Yale-educated Geraldo Rivera." [TNR]
• Celebrity Living, which apparently wasn't really a gossip mag before, now is. [WWD]
• Enjoying the VMAs with celebs' favorite celeb photographer. [Slate]
• The new business mag for Conde could be what InStyle was for Time Inc., says David Carr. [NYT]
• OK America!'s editor eats at the Olive Garden. Gasp. [The Observer (London)]

• Are things as bad, business-wise, at Dow Jones and the Journal as you've heard they are? Yes. Yes they are. [NY Mag]
• Inc. mag looks at how it got sold. [Inc.]
• What will the Times of the future look like? Tabloidical, quite likely. [Ad Age]
• Once again, soft news beats hard news: Celeb mags see good newsstand numbers, and the newsweeklies don't. [Mediaweek]
• Jack Shafer hates TV news. [Slate]
• Simon Dumenco calls AMI chief David Pecker stupid. [Ad Age]
• Poppy Bush criticizes the media for picking on his son. [E&P]
• Coming to a Sirius receiver near you: Cosmo on the radio. [WWD]

We're not sure how we missed this Economist article for nearly a week. And, even worse, we're not sure how we missed the new celeb-news trend the magazine uncovers:

Big news! It's power girl Lizzie Grubman and Rob Shuter of Dan Klores Communications caught canoodling on the cover of Us Weekly. [Click on image to enlarge it.]

• Victoria Gotti is going to start a celeb mag, she says. Then again, she also said she had breast cancer. [NYP]
• The beauty job that Nadine Haobsh didn't get at Seventeen has finally been filled — by a boy. [WWD]
• Hey, so it turns out Martha Stewart is going to have some new TV shows. [WP]
• Goodbye, Dali: Penthouse's new owners are suing the Gooch for $4 million over unreturned company property, including two paintings by Salvador Dali. [NYP]
• Mediabistro's Elizabeth Spiers — who doesn't like party reporting — checks in from vacation to let us know that TV networks lust for ratings. [MB]

Just moments ago, Us Weekly high priestess Janice Min appeared on the Today show to discuss current fashion and fitness winners and losers. In her philosophical musings about the genetic supremacy of Eva Longoria, Jessica Simpson, and Sienna Miller, Min noted, "Women around our office clip pictures of Sienna and hang them up for inspiration."

Greg Lindsay's latest "Media Uncovered" column for Business 2.0 posted online yesterday.

More news from glossy tabville: Elizabeth Leonard, formerly deputy bureau chief for People, has been promoted to West Coast bureau chief. This is a bit more interesting than usual, as one might consider this announcement as an unofficial update on the status of former bureau chief Todd Gold, who's "on leave" to write his book and deal with some pesky sexual harrassment claims. If Leonard's moving in to Gold's old office, one might safely say Gold has more or less left People to pursue his dream of circling local playgrounds in his white minivan. Good for him.

Who knew so many of you had thoughts on Lori Majewski's move from Us Weekly to Teen People? Most of those thoughts, alas, are unprintable, given that we're a family website. (Jude Law's cock? No problem. Softball-playing stoners? Sure thing. But some of these horror stories? We have to draw the line.)

Mild quakes and tremors from the power table in the celebrity weekly cafeteria: Lori Majewski has stepped down as executive editor of Us Weekly to assume the role of managing editor at her alma mater, Teen People. (Bye-bye, former ME Amy Barnett.)