As rumored, AMI has bought the website RadarOnline.com, just as the print version of Radar folds. That, incongruously, puts the site under the same corporate umbrella as the celebrity mags Star and the National Enquirer, which may now become off-limits for mockery. The site will be "relaunched" in 2009. Judging from the tone of the press release alone, the site may well be repositioned to be far more credulous in its celebrity coverage, and consequently less funny. The effect on the RadarOnline staff is not clear yet; we'll fill in details as they come. Full press release from AMI below: American Media Inc. and Integrity Multimedia Company form joint venture to launch a new and enhanced RadarOnline web site

Sad news for fans of sophisticated financial swindles: Raffaello Follieri, the con man ex-boyfriend of pixie-like actress Anne Hathaway, has been sentenced to four and a half years in THE SLAMMER for defrauding various investors in his fake-ass imaginary company out of $2 million or so. The Post scored this sweet photo of Follieri, Hathaway, and the Pope, which the Italian pretty boy tried to use for sympathy. Did not work!

Hey, here's a surprisingly bold and fresh move, in opposite-world: the New York Times—a serious newspaper—is planing to give regular space on its editorial page to Bono—an edgy rock star! Will this odd couple possibly be able to get along? Will Bono stumble into the office at 7 a.m. after a night of wild coked-up groupie sex and start trashing the place, disturbing the morning meditation of Times editorial page chief Andy Rosenthal? Are Times readers ready for some motherfuckin rock-n-roll? Ha, of course what you really have to look forward to is six to ten editorials from another wealthy cosmopolitan liberal. Rosenthal and Bono have more in common than two ring-tail lemurs from separate sides of Madagascar. Wake us up when you hire Young Jeezy. [Radar]

Yesterday we told you that Anne Pressly, an Arkansas morning news anchorwoman who played an Ann Coulter-like pundit in the new Oliver Stone flick W, was attacked and stabbed in her home early Monday morning (she's now expected to recover). The crime has predictably attracted a lot of international attention: it involves a pretty woman, a journalist, Hollywood, and politics. So what new facts have we learned about the case today? None at all, really. Unless you ask the media, in which case, CONSPIRACY?!?!?: In a neat trick, various news outlets are now able to go with totally opposite angles on this story—based on no new facts, and also sometimes based upon the same exact sources! New York Post:

Oooh, ad war escalation! You remember how Microsoft got so mad about Apple's ads that they had to run out and spend $300 million on a fancy ad campaign consisting of Mac lovers declaring their love for PCs, as well as celebrities doing things seemingly unrelated to computers. Meanwhile Apple has just been sitting back chuckling, and now they've released a new ad making fun of Microsoft's ad spending. Which is too insidery, but very entertaining to people forced to write about ad campaigns. Apple's only problem: the people who buy PCs, such as myself, don't even know what this "Vista" thing is. (If we knew about computer things we would have bought a better one!). I imagine that Microsoft grows ever more apoplectic, though. Full ad below:

Well Kanye West, we've got to give it to you. In the past we've mocked you for your blog, your anti-hippie rants, your comical self-importance, and your muppet show. But that was before you filled a room with dozens of nude women as a backdrop for your record release party. Critics who enjoy nude women loved it! Here's how these creative, out-of-the-box tactics worked for Kanye and his media friends—Nakedness below:

So Madonna and her husband Guy Ritchie are finally getting divorced. It's a very shocking thing, since earlier this summer, when reports of a pending divorce surfaced, Madonna's flack assured the world that the couple had "no divorce plans." Could it be that the flack, Liz Rosenberg—a charter member of our list of lying flacks—told something less than the full truth? After the jump, Liz's side of the story, and then the other, more accurate side: We asked Liz Rosenberg about this discrepancy between what she said earlier, and what's happening now. Her answer: "there was no pending divorce earlier this year." So, we asked, does that mean that, for example, the Sun's report that Madonna "initially planned to move back to the US with their three children in July" is false? "yes," Rosenberg replied. Well, how credible is Liz Rosenberg? She told the world in 2006 that Madonna was not adopting a baby in Malawi. Although, of course, Madonna did adopt a baby in Malawi. What else do we know about Rosenberg?

Is People magazine totally in the tank (like Pareene) for John McCain and his non-English-speaking VP lady? We hear that some staff members of the nation's leading smiling-coverperson mag are grumbling that People is giving too much positive press to the Republican candidates—for example, this feature where they ask readers to submit questions for the Palin family, without once mentioning they engage in moose-killing and other scandalous activities! Or this, with a headline quote that will make you exclaim "Har." Besides, doesn't People know that only Angelina Jolie and Jennifer Aniston are qualified to appear on celebrity magazine covers? Science has proven it!: Forbes did an actual pseudoscientific study of a year's worth of celebrity mags and found that Angelina and Jennifer are the two most successful coverpersons. Britney Spears: nobody cares any more. These conclusions could have also been obtained simply by sitting quietly with your thoughts. In any case, the real question is: Is People in the tank? Feel free to email us if you're an employee who thinks so. Though we would remind you of this:

Semi-anonymous street art star and obsession of ours Banksy is opening his first official show in New York. Huzzah! And man I gotta tell you, it's weird. "Bizarre animatronic displays packed in a tiny downtown storefront" weird. All those rat murals he put up recently were just a teaser for his new, strange hobby. After the jump, check out two videos of his odd show in action—and, more tipster photos of a mysterious dude who could conceivably be Banksy!

A photographer in California says Keanu Reeves ran him over with his car last year, and he's suing the dull celebrity for damages. But the paparazzo's lawyer is asking the judge to keep the words "paparazzo" and "paparazzi" out of the trial, because he claims they're prejudicial. It's an interesting philosophical question: is it prejudicial to call someone a "soulless celebrity bloodsucker" if they are in fact that very thing? Probably not any moreso than calling Keanu Reeves a "mumbling stone-faced subhuman who couldn't be more comically unsuited for his chosen profession." [LAT]

Belgian sex-related advertising is an absolute phenomenon. The horny little country already gave us ass-vertising and disturbing prophylactic Photoshops and the best sex-ed commercial ever. And now the weird Europeans are back with an ad campaign (for condoms) starring that underrated icon: the penis. All of it. Dressed up as various celebrities. After the jump, a somewhat nightmarish (and NSFW) version of Arnold Schwarzenegger—I don't encourage you to look:

People is coming out with a 96-page "tribute" "book" "honoring" the recently dead Paul Newman. It will sell for $12, and none of the proceeds will go to charity, despite the fact that Newman dedicated the latter part of his life to working for charitable causes. But, to use the line that Jossip unfortunately beat us to this morning, it's "sort of okay, because this year, the print industry basically is a charity." Yep. [Folio]

Did you know Jennifer Lopez once had a nervous breakdown? Or that she's a pretty big fan of crackpot religion Scientology? By the standards of the average modern celebrity profile—where a diarrhea story counts as a scoop—this is pretty good material. So why did it end up running today in Tina Brown's newly launched Daily Beast, instead of in a real magazine? Because a real magazine spiked it. Because they were scared of J-Lo! Sez the Beast:

1935: Is it back? Economically, maybe, who knows. Fashion-wise? Andre Benjamin certainly believes so fiercely! Andre, a.k.a. Andre 3000 of Outkast, long ago gave up rollin down the strip on Vogues and slammin Cadillac doe's in favor of acting, singing weird songs, and designing fancy menswear under the label "Benjamin Bixby." It features old-style things like breeches and waistcoats and "plus fours," something I could not even identify despite being a stylish man myself. So: is this a mark of progress, or something to scoff at? Take a look!: Despite the fact that his clothing line is perhaps not for me—and perhaps something that would cause me to make jokes were I to spy it on the street, offending as it is to my traditional small-mindedness—there's no denying that Andre is a guy with an actual claim to being an artist, whereas just about every other celebrity designer just has a claim to being a narcissist. So good for him!

Yesterday we learned that our national diet is shifting towards cheap, simple meals like tomato soup and Kool-Aid because of the national economic meltdown. But that doesn't mean your tomato-Kool-Aid soup must be boring and plain! Publishers are flooding the market with a new crop of food magazines, just in time for our collective shift from a nation of gourmet snobs to a nation of bony, coupon-clipping scavengers. 2008 saw the publication of 336 food magazines, up by a third from only five years ago. That's probably way more than necessary! Bad move? Here's a market summary: Interest is up. News stand sales and web traffic are both up. But! Ad pages are down. Several big food magazines have already seen double-digit drops in ad pages. And outside industries like travel and home furnishings that advertise in some food magazines are also hurting, and buying fewer ads. So what are publishers doing? Tying new magazines to celebrity chefs, or to the Food Network. Paula Deen! Sandra Lee! Rachael Ray! All big successes, or predicted to be! Other, more mundane cooking titles will surely fall by the wayside over the next year. The future of American food publishing: "Rachael Ray Tells You How To Use Lard To Re-Fry Your McDonalds Burgers To Raise Your Family's Caloric Intake Above Minimal Survival Levels." Mmmm! [WSJ]

How much does awful celebrity gossip machine TMZ pay to get its hands on all those exclusives? A whole helluva lot more than a reasonable person might think. For example: OJ Simpson is on trial in Vegas right now for armed robbery of some sports collectibles. Clearly, OJ's time in the spotlight has passed. He's third rate. But here's how much a tape of the crime was worth:

Microsoft is dropping Jerry Seinfeld's nonsensical ass from its massive ad campaign, which they say was, you know, always the plan! The company is actually dubbing the new ads in its $300 million campaign, debuting tonight, "phase two." (Couldn't think of anything slightly less evocative of the Death Star?) The company line is that the "Seinfeld and Bill Gates do the robot" ads were just teasers, and now the real informative spots start. But fuck that; the new ads sound easily just as weird: The "theme" of the new spots is the standard, vapid "Windows. Life without walls." Whatev. And Microsoft has decided to fight back against all those vicious Mac ads by co-opting the phrase "I'm a PC." In the new ads, you will see: a John Hodgman doppelganger, and "everyday PC users, from scientists and fashion designers to shark hunters and teachers." And, of course, more random celebrities!!

Actress Lindsay Lohan, so politically outspoken these days, recently lobbied some criticism, once again on her MySpace page, against Sarah Palin—the Alaskan warrior poet who, just in the nick of time, stopped a confused John McCain from wandering into a cave full of bears and was named his Vice Presidential running mate as thanks. She said that Palin hates gays ("media-obsessed homophobe!") and that that is bad. And now she wants to join the cause and drum up support for Barack Obama! Trouble is, Obama doesn't really want her help. The Chicago Sun-Times reports:

Last night Barack Obama had a fundraiser in Beverly Hills. It was terrible! He raised a zillion dollars from these out-of-touch movie stars while decent, hard-working Americans lost their jobs on Wall Street. Famous people were there, like Steven Spielberg and Will Farrell. And BARBRA STREISAND! The McCain blast email paints a portrait of Caligulan decadent excess:

Former Star editor Bonnie Fuller, who floats menacingly over the celebrity media like mist on a bog, has a new web venture in the works. She also has an insatiable thirst for money. And, of course, she has but a tenuous grasp on reality as a whole. Which of these is the explanation for the elusive question: Why the fuck has she spent the last several months writing the same meandering column over and over for increasingly unlikely outlets? It started earlier this summer with her ruminations in Ad Age about Madonna's celebrity conspiracy, Obama's celebrity conspiracy, and Sarah Palin's celebrity conspiracy. What appeal did these columns hold for members of the ad industry? Idle entertainment, we imagine. But now Bonnie's writing for MediaPost, for Christ's sake. About celebrities!