Tina Brown, who's edited Vanity Fair, the New Yorker, and now the Daily Beast, wrote an essay this week decrying the "Media Zombies"—the "feckless bureaucrats" who spent money unwisely and are really responsible for all the media layoffs going on right now. That's a bit rich (ha), coming from a woman who is famous, above all else, for throwing money around like confetti. Let's take a wildly abbreviated tour of Tina's spending history, shall we?

Neckface is a famous street artist—not quite Banksy famous, but almost. And like Banksy, Neckface has always kept his face hidden, even though he's been profiled in the New Yorker and he has a shoe deal with VANS that includes billboards across NYC and is generally superfamous in the cool parts of the art world. Well now a fashion blogger has posted a picture of Neckface unmasked, at some party at Art Basel in Miami. Click through only if you want to see him, okay:

People across the political spectrum had mixed feelings about Tim Russert, the recently deceased former host of Meet The Press. But whether you thought he was the toughest interviewer in DC or a toadying cock-gobbler to power, you had to admit that he probably got his job based on a genuine zeal for reporting, rather than because he was some network exec's ideal of a telegenic newsman. Now that David Gregory has taken over the gig, we'll get to see the network-ideal-telegenic-gasbag type in action. Problem one: his insincere self-deprecation skills:

The New York Daily News has trailed the Post's Page Six in the New York gossip wars for a long time. Now the paper is blowing up its gossip columns and starting over. Two major changes went down today. First, husband and wife gossip team Rush & Molloy announced this morning that they'll be moving from a daily column to a Sunday-only schedule, after more than 13 years. Second—and more dramatic—we hear that Jo Piazza, who wrote the paper's Full Disclosure column, has resigned.

Sarah Palin is a lot like that Simpsons Halloween episode where the advertising characters terrorize Springfield: if we stop paying attention to her, she can't hurt us. But no one's able to let her go. Neither the liberals who are alternately amused by and horrified of her and the conservatives split between idolizing and reviling her can let her just go back to Alaska in peace. The Times is still looking into the clothes thing. Olbermann still replays every public statement she makes every night while demanding to know why people still pay her mind. And guess who's still obsessed with her magical pregnancy?

Donald Trump is currently getting sued by Deustche Bank for refusing to pay $40 million on a loan that he personally guaranteed. He's probably having some (relative) money troubles. But none of this is his fault! Which is why he is countersuing the bank for $3 billion. It's really the least they can do to make up for their wanton persecution of Donald Trump:

Why does the public not sufficiently appreciate the hardworking people at OK! magazine? Last month there were rumors that Richard Desmond, the billionaire British publisher of the laughable celebrity mag, actually flew to America to personally investigate why new OK! boss Kent Brownridge was losing money. The magazine's flack denied this, saying they where "doing fine." Shockingly, it appears what that flack said was not entirely true, because OK! has decided to skip four issues at the end of this year:

You may not know that Kanye West—the eclectic business mogul best known for his muppet shows, model wrangling, blogging, and MacBook stress-testing—is also a bit of a fashionista. He loves the clothes and whatnot! So much so that he wants to take time off from his other ventures and go intern in a fashion house. Celebrity fashion-related intern trend now officially official!

What's this—monetary distress for Donald Trump, the richest man in the universe? Trump is being sued by Deutsche Bank for failing to pay off a loan for his new Chicago high rise tower, which he personally guaranteed to the tune of $40 million. That makes it a great time to raise the perpetual question, "How much is Trump really worth?" A safe guess: far less than he was the last time anybody took the trouble to calculate:

If we had to list the worst things a celebrity could do in a nightclub in order of ascending dumbness, they would go like this: 1. Bring a gun to a nightclub. 2. Get arrested for bringing a gun to a nightclub. 3. Get shot at a nightclub. 4. Get shot at a nightclub and also arrested. 5. Shoot yourself accidentally with a gun you brought to a nightclub illegally, and then get arrested for it. So New York Giants wide receiver Plaxico Burress truly achieved the pinnacle of nightclub stupidity last weekend by accomplishing #5. And the felony complaint against him shows he damn sure can't claim self-defense:

Fallen former newspaper mogul Conrad Black—Baron Black of Crossharbour, to you—is currently serving out a 78 month sentence in a Florida prison for fraud and obstruction of justice, related to his looting of his own company's funds for his personal use. Or so the government claims. The martyred Lord used to write editorials decrying the injustice of his convictions in the New York Sun, but they folded. Now he's writing the same damn thing in the Times of London. And the man who was once the world's third-biggest newspaper magnate sounds like the second coming of Eldridge Cleaver:

High profile press fight! People magazine editor Larry Hackett just sent out an internal memo blasting the page one New York Times story today about People's alleged shady dealings with Angelina Jolie. Specifically, the Times cited two anonymous sources "with knowledge of the bidding" for the photos of Jolie and Brad Pitt's most recent newborns—which cost People $14 million—who said that there was an formal agreement that "obliged" the magazine to offer only positive coverage. Of course, as Hackett acknowledges, their coverage was positive; but he strongly asserts that the magazine would never "purposely slant coverage as condition for acquiring pictures." And indeed, the Times may have oversold that angle in their story. There's certainly a difference between what Jolie asks for, and what a magazine would explicitly "promise" to do. Read his full memo below:

So the, uh, long-awaited interview with Eliot Spitzer's call girl has finally arrived! If this had come out six months ago, you all would have been hanging on her every word; now it's more of a novelty, like meeting Tonya Harding. But there are highlights, and we've collected them in this handy clip! Click to see some ill-advised hooker empathy, the real difference between an "escort" and a "prostitute," and lots of Diane Sawyer's famous "Bitch, what?" face.

Hey ladies: how'd you like to meet a guy with $700 billion in his pocket, a gleaming bald pate, and a memory full of Bernie Kosar quotes? Sexy is spelled N-E-E-L! Last name Kashkari! Our favorite steely-eyed Treasury Dept. appointee and Congressional chew toy is on People's list of Sexiest Men Alive—actually he's on the backup list, "Sexy A-Z." Even People couldn't get anything other than the same fucking straight-ahead staring pose that he's been using forever. Neel, how about frolicking merrily on a pile of $100 bills instead? Is our Republican financial overlord really as sexy as dance studio owner Maksim Chmerkovskiy? Click through for Neel's close-up and decide for yourself!

Mark "The Maverick, when it comes to blogs and also finance" Cuban is proclaiming his innocence, in detail! Cuban, the mouthy tech billionaire owner of the Dallas Mavericks, was charged with the world's least sophisticated insider trading scheme by the SEC earlier this week. He issued a rote statement the same day denying the charges, and lamented that he wished he could say more. Well now he's saying more! Cuban's basic defense: Yes, I sold a bunch of stock after the CEO of a company I partially owned told me confidential, nonpublic information that I knew would hurt the stock price. But I never agreed to keep the information confidential, so there! Then he says (through his lawyer) that the CEO of said company is full of shit because he can't even remember the conversation. They posted this excerpt of an interview with the CEO:

Some dude in Hollywood named Todd Shemarya is getting sued by his ex-assistant, who claims that he sexually harassed her and was a big racist and walked around naked at work and several other unsavory things. The original story noted that Shemarya's firm " bills itself as the "number one" talent agency in the world" that claims to represent a slew of A-List stars like Brad Pitt and Leonardo DiCaprio. Naturally this snowballed, and yesterday Page Six called Shemarya "A TOP Hollywood talent agent - whose roster includes Brad Pitt, Angelina Jolie, Leonardo DiCaprio, Jennifer Aniston and Matthew McConaughey." But one brave writer at Variety had the balls to point out: Todd Shemarya is nobody:

[Well paid comedic figure Adam Sandler and his gay ole bulldog on the beach in Malibu. Pic via X17. Click to enlarge.]

[Ben Affleck, an actor whose limited range of dramatic expression did not prevent him from having sex with J-Lo, celebrates democracy. Pic via X17. New headline from commenter llamalash.]

Presidential elections aren't just about the candidates; they're about all the random crazy people only tangentially related to the candidates and their campaigns, the ones who are hyped into momentary superstardom by political reporters desperate for storylines. Or by the candidates themselves, desperate to deflect attention. The question for these random people is, how to capitalize on this brief and undeserved moment of fame? Joe the Plumber is determined to become a country music star! And he's just one of multitudes. We're here to help, fame whores! After the jump, we tell the incidental stars of this godforsaken election cycle what they should do with their lives after November 4, so that they may not be forgotten: