Carly Fiorina was a candidate for Vice President for six days—a period of time in which she managed to sing a creepy song, fall off of a stage, and fail just one more time in her ongoing quest to attain political office. It was a long 144 hours—just a few hours shy of how long James Franco’s arm got stuck in that rock in that one movie.

Carly Fiorina hasn’t been able to claim very many “wins” in her life. HP was a disaster. Her run for the Senate was a disaster. And most recently, her bid for the presidency was a disaster. But now, Carly Fiorina has made her gravest mistake of all: Accepting a position in which she’s forced to touch Ted Cruz constantly.

On Wednesday, Carly Fiorina was given the rare opportunity to be on the right side of an issue. Unfortunately for her, that issue was new best bud Ted Cruz, so Fiorina decided to be wrong.

Now that Carly Fiorina and Ted Cruz are totally best friends, they may have put whatever squabbles they had as competitors for the Republican presidential nomination behind them. But that doesn’t mean we can’t relive the best moments of their enmity, such as when Fiorina said “Ted Cruz cannot possibly beat Hillary Clinton” on Fox News.

Carly Fiorina said several things during her speech today accepting Ted Cruz’s offer to be his vice president, but the striking part was what she left unsaid. She sang a song.

According to the AP, Ted Cruz will announce today that he has selected Carly Fiorina as his running mate. Whatever—it wasn’t like he could lose any more.

The Ted Cruz campaign is reportedly “vetting” former corporate executive and failed presidential candidate Carly Fiorina as a potential running mate, according to The Weekly Standard. We can save them some trouble.

Remember—oh, you know. That one. The one who ruined that computer company? And then tried to run for president? Yeah, her. She’s officially endorsing Ted Cruz.

Three hours after Carly Fiorina ended her presidential campaign yesterday, her reps sent out an email announcing that she’s “now available for speaking engagements around the world.” The system works.

Carly Fiorina suspended her campaign for president this afternoon, having failed to claim any delegates in the New Hampshire primary. This is good for the country, but also kind of sad, because there is so much that Carly Fiorina has left unsaid.

Failed former HP CEO and now-failed candidate for president Carly Fiorina has decided to suspend her campaign. Bye Carly.

TAKE OUR COUNTRY BACK blared a banner at Carly Fiorina’s post-caucus rally in Iowa tonight. The banner was speaking to a bunch of empty tables.

Republican presidential candidate Carly Fiorina, who is currently polling at one percent in Iowa, has a message for those who think she has zero chance of winning the election. “Polls don’t win elections,” she said at a campaign event in Iowa City today.

On Wednesday, Carly Fiorina just happened to give a speech on the dangers of abortion and organ harvesting in front of a group of small, bored-looking toddlers. One of the many problems with that scene, say the kids’ parents, is that she liberated them from a school trip without permission.

The undercard of tonight’s GOP debate (yes, another one) began at 6 p.m. on Fox News, a time when very few people are at home engaging with their televisions. The debates are so openly pointless that Rand Paul didn’t even bother to show up to this one, choosing instead to do anything other than listen to Rick Santorum’s fossilized god warrior shtick for the hundredth time.

The upcoming Republican presidential debate just did Rand Paul and Carly Fiorina the dirty.

The Rose Bowl, a college football game traditionally played on New Year’s Day, is a celebration of American regionalism. Historically, it pitted the champion of the Midwest’s Big Ten Conference against the champion of the Pacific Coast Conference (or its successors). The arrangement has been modified and undermined by conference realignment and college championship schemes, but most years, the premise still holds: two teams representing separate places with separate histories and cultures, West Coast versus heartland.

Somebody called Carly Fiorina the “V-word,” according to Carly Fiorina. Oh no. What’s the V-word?