Upon finding a drunken stranger in our beds, most of us would ask him to get out of the house. Maybe yell, maybe call the police. But that’s not what this perfect gentleman did.

Did you hear Canada elected a new Prime Minister Monday? He’s a Liberal, and plans to invigorate the economy by investing in infrastructure, and oh, fuck it, he’s pretty hot—like actually hot, not just politician-hot.

The CBC and CTV are both projecting that Canada’s Liberal party will win the national election, and that Justin Trudeau will be the new prime minister.

Doug Ford, brother of fallen crack-smoker/Toronto mayor Rob Ford, sure has a lot to say about drugs and politicians.

Actor, eccentric, and fugitive from justice Randy Quaid was detained in Vermont while trying to cross into the United States from Canada this weekend, police said Saturday. He is expected to be arraigned on Monday.

Actor Randy Quaid—Dennis’s eccentric, bearded older brother—was arrested in Montreal Wednesday for the second time this year. At an Immigration and Refugee Board hearing Thursday, Canadian border officers revealed the reason why: They had ordered Quaid to leave Canada next Wednesday, and believed he would not comply.

Randy Quaid—the Beard Quaid, the Sex Tape Quaid, the Squatting Quaid, the Not-Dennis Quaid—was arrested Wednesday in Montreal by Canada Border Services agents, the CBC reports. It’s Quaid’s second arrest in Canada this year.

Authorities in Ottawa say they’re investigating a viral video that appears to show a taxi driver berating and menacing an Uber driver and his fare, CBC News reports.

On Monday, Canada’s Conservative Party dismissed a parliamentary candidate after footage surfaced of him urinating into a homeowner’s coffee cup while on a repair call in 2012, the Toronto Star reports.

About 150 crocodilians were removed from a Toronto-area home last week after their owner reached out to a nearby reptile sanctuary for help with his bonkers hoarding problem, CBC News reports.

For the crew of Air-1, the Winnipeg Police department’s helicopter, Monday night was spent like any other: flying around scenic Winnipeg, having a fun “convo about blowjobs,” maybe throwing in “some swears and some references to money,” and discussing what exactly is “too much body hair.” The only thing out of place was the audience; someone had accidentally turned on the helicopter’s public address system and the crew of Air-1 was live to the entire West End. And, according to Winnipeg residents on Twitter, some of the North End, too:

A Canadian teen accused of menacing his online gaming adversaries with fake 911 calls is facing 34 criminal charges—and now evidence of his reign of Skype terror is public.

I can’t find a picture of Paul Moran that I’m within my rights to post on this blog, so I’m going to tell you two things about him, and you’re going to imagine what he looks like. First, he was arrested recently for going fully nude at a place called “mushroom beach.” Second, when asked about it by a reporter, he answered, “I can’t let anyone kill my vibe.”

Earlier today, Canadian power company BC Hydro tweeted out this image of a local power outage in Vancouver. A fully erect, tiny-testacled, throbbing, local power outage.

If you’re not a TV news reporter, it may seem to you that the trend of yelling “fuck her right in the pussy!” on live TV broadcasts, considered the cutting edge of comedy last year, has mercifully faded away. But this Canadian reporter still hears it from rude idiots “every single day, 10 times a day,” and she’s not going to take it anymore.

On Monday night, a spokesperson for former Toronto mayor Rob Ford announced that surgeons had successfully removed the main mass of a cancerous tumor from his abdomen, finding “no surprises,” The Canadian Press reports.

A British Columbia man has apparently admitted in a Facebook post to killing his family, CBC News reports. The post on Randy Janzen’s Facebook page states that he killed his wife, his daughter, and his sister.

AirBnb has agreed to compensate the owners of a Calgary home that was thoroughly destroyed in a “drug-induced orgy” while four people were renting it through the online service.

In a tale as old as terror itself, the shocker became the shockee last weekend when an irate diner is said to have sucker-punched Marilyn Manson at an Alberta, Canada Denny's.

It's been nearly a month since a man in Canada successfully evaded police by riding his motorcycle through a shopping mall, but it was only yesterday that footage of the incident leaked online—and oh man is it some wacky, wild stuff.