Remember that creepy audition tape Brian Atene sent Stanley Kubrik in 1984? Well, Tosh got him an actual acting gig on Cougartown in tonight's Web Redemption!

While you might not recognize the name Tiffany Pollard, anyone who has followed Vh1's Celebreality franchises over the last three years certainly knows the name New York. After getting rebuffed by Flavor Flav on the first two installments of the gloriously trashy Flavor Of Love series, she became one of cable television's biggest stars when the premiere episode of I Love New York became the most-watched series premiere in the network's history. Now, having proved to be one of reality television's most resilient stars (along with Real World / Road Rules vets like Mark Long and Coral Smith), Tiffany "New York" Pollard is now attempting to be the first person since Real World: London's Jacinda Barrett to make the successful leap to silver screen stardom on her newest show, New York Goes To Hollywood. In the show's first episode, New York learns that, just like any other aspiring actor or actress, she needs to get herself a manager before she has the opportunity to show what she can do on the casting couch. Sadly, the monologue she delivered for a room full of low-level talent scouts — the kind that would have trouble scoring a table for 4 at the In-N-Out Burger — made Brian Atene look like Stanislavski's most prized pupil. Her poorly performed (yet hilariously overacted) riff on dog shit and public transportation awaits you after the jump.

Even though the clip's ultimate purpose is unclear—unless it's intended to create a viral abomination that will rampage through the internet, destroying every bears-in-hammocks video in its path—it did, like all provocative works of art, cause us to ponder an uncomfortable question: namely, how can we live in a world where LBAG can rack up 9 million views en route to his own possible reality show, while a gifted improvisational performer like Atene is forced to toil in development-deal-free obscurity? God, we are forced to conclude, has turned His back on the YouTubes.

Fortunately for us all, this unexpected house-cleaning turned out to be just a false alarm: Atene has already returned, shirtless and brandishing a bottle of Sam Adams (has he signed a product placement deal?), and reassuring his fans that not only hasn't he gone away ("I'm STILL here. I'M STILL HERE, I'mstillhere"), but that he's on the verge of a prolific period in his creative development. Enjoy his public workshopping of a Brokeback Mountain piece that we're confident will shame the original Heath Ledger performance once he's had a little more time to run through its tricky, bittersweet rhythms.

We'll warn you in advance: This latest transmission from batshit-genius YouTube monologist Brian Atene is for connoisseurs only, a tour de force of dramatic subtlety featuring none of the cheap, mind-melting fireworks that have marked his recent efforts. Sure, he might be getting a little precious and self-referential in this installment, but after all the joy he's given us, we won't begrudge him 53 seconds for himself.

We recommend that you immediately clear the next ten or so minutes of your schedule, for Kubrick-auditioning, extreme-overacting internet sensation Brian Atene has once again creatively spread-eagled himself on the YouTubes, unselfconsciously sharing his exposed Art with us all. We foolishly believed that it would be impossible to top his Planet of the Apes-themed holiday wish for the destruction of all humans, but his latest effort, a nearly nine-minute, improvised monologue evoking exactly what it would have felt like to be on the set of The Empire Strikes Back, represents a new, utterly exhilarating achievement in the craft of crazy.
We'll see you on the other side, after you're changed forever.

When last we saw Brian Atene, the internet's best-loved, rejected Full Metal Jacket open-auditioner, he had suddenly resurfaced within the YouTubes to prove to the world that the twenty-plus years that had passed since the recording of his inspired try-out tape had done little to blunt his unhinged flair for the dramatic. Atene has returned once again, this time to offer a cheery, Beneath the Planet of the Apes-inspired holiday wish for the eradication of mankind, an ecumenical season's greeting that applies whether you celebrate Christmas, Hanukkah, or Kwanzaa. As we are wont to say upon the presentation of a video clip: Enjoy. Also: Death to all humans.

• Atene Returns! [YouTube]

• Good Day, Mr. Kubrick 2006 [YouTube]

• Good Day, Mr. Kubrick... [YouTube]