An air of excitement and danger swirled around Portland's Arbor Lodge Park this morning, as a bomb squad cordoned off the area and detonated a tennis ball suspected of being a homemade bomb.
If you see a woman with a beard drawn on her face, arrest her! Immediately! She may have just robbed two banks in Alabama. And ignore her bomb threat, too.
It's that most exciting time of the year again for the global elite, who are all in Switzerland right now plotting secret-overlord terror plots at the 2011 Bilderberg Conference. This is not to be confused with the other annual rich and powerful secret conference in the woods outside San Francisco where they all have gay furry sex under a big Pagan fireball.
There's so much to love about Fox News chief Roger Ailes — and so much of him to love — but our favorite character trait is his lunatic paranoia. Did you know he bomb-proofed his office against "those gays"?
We don't, as a rule, support terrorism, but sometimes we are sympathetic to its aims. As in the case of Freddy Caldwell, the Bronx man who threatened to blow up his local TV station if it kept airing Two and a Half Men reruns.
Did anyone lose a bomb in Detroit? Because there's one in the lost-and-found of a federal office building there. Or there was, for three weeks, until security guards decided to scan it and realized what they had.
Getting text messages from your service provider is incredibly annoying. Especially if you are a suicide bomber, and your bomb is triggered by incoming texts. As one Russian woman learned the hard way.
