• Big ol' pictures of the eye-meltingly pretty new LES — thanks, Hollywood! [Curbed]
• You want to stop by Kate Spade's place tonight? Here's her address. [Planet Gordon]
• Even the inexplicably still-employed David Spade ought to know better than to piss off Robert Blake — while he's going back in to get his gun, someone could get hurt! [CC Insider]
• Those Observer bastards just outed William Li, effectively ending his career. [Media Mob]

• Winter's early this year in the real-estate market — or, at least, so say folks writing into Curbed about their open-house experiences. [Curbed]
• Redhook makes its first inroads into Park Slope as the forgotten Brooklyn nabe's much-talked-about burger joint Schnack prepares to open a branch on Fourth Avenue near President. Clearly such riff-raff could never get above Fifth. [Only the Blog Knows Brooklyn]
• On the Lower East Side, need coffee, but unwilling to enter the apocalyptic Starbucks? Here are a few caffeine-fix alternatives. [Hermitude NYC]
• Brian Jungen turns old shoes into faux-aboriginal art. Surprisingly, this isn't happening at PS1, the bastion of all things weird and arty, but at The New Museum of Contemporary Art in Chelsea. Apparently they still permit weird and arty in Manhattan. [Cool Hunting]

• It's Banned Books Week this week, and the New York Library commemorates it with a reading tonight by Judy Blume. You know you still remember where you were when you first read the word "boner" in Then Again, Maybe I Won't. No? Well, we do, at least. Which probably says a lot about us. [GalleyCat]
• Spin, in a desperate move to gain some indie-rock cred, invited the latest Scandinavian band we've never heard of to play at the mag's 20th Anniversary party. We're tempted to point out that northern European bands are so early spring, but these dudes played major appliances, which seems pretty cool. [Yeti Don't Dance]
• Too broke to pay for the Across The Narrows tickets this weekend at Coney Island? Then just listen for free. [Brooklyn Vegan]
• Parker Posey continues to spread obsessive middle-school-diary-style love among her East Village vegan fans. Also, she really likes tofu. [Beat Jeremy Coon]

• Just what Broadway needs: Another jukebox musical. But, hey, obviously the Johnny Cash oeuvre screams "make a Broadway musical out of me." At least with big stars like "that guy who made out with Hugh Jackman," we can be sure that this will only be a brief travesty. [Modern Fabulosity]
• The secret formula for New Yorker cartoons was revealed at the festival, and, as expected, humor was shown to be an optional ingredient. [Emdashes]
• Hell with TimesSelect; now they Gray Lady's luring readers the old-fashioned way: Naked people! And not just any naked people — they're literary naked people. Now help The Daily Transom identify the naked nerds in the Times. [Daily Transom/NYO]
• The joys of Sunset Park include the Gowanus Canal, Brooklyn's Chinatown, and ham-flavored cookies. Yum. [Sissy Diary]

• We can think of no one scarier, nor less appropriate, from whom to learn about puberty than Amy Sedaris. And yet, there it is. [Kitten Pants]
• Because police departments don't have anything better to do, the NYPD is fighting with an English force over who had the first podcast. We're just waiting for the NYPD/South Yorkshire mashup album. [Corante]
• Just because Hillary's senate race is challenging the mayoral contest as the easiest gimme election going doesn't mean you shouldn't contribute money to her cause. [The Politicker/NYO]
• As Advertising Week continues, academics attempt to explain why half-naked women help sell beer. Frankly, we have no idea. [Copyranter]

• The most honest ad we've ever seen from a real-estate developer. Sadly, in the sado-masochistic world for apartment hunting, there is no safe word. [Curbed]
• Tango, the baby penguin raised by recently estranged Central Park Zoo gay penguin couple Silo and Roy, comes out. We're told she'll now be leaving Manhattan for The Prospect Park Zoo, where she'll adopt a baby penguin from Cambodia. [TowleRoad]
• Take the New York Festival Quiz! [Beatrice]• Too lazy to have gone out this weekend? Us too. Thankfully, other bloggers feel the need to document every single thing they see. So if anyone asks what you did Saturday, pretend you went to Chinatown. [NYC Stories]
• The New York Film Festival started Friday night, and, as usual, the stars had nothing to say on the red carpet. [The Reeler]

• Eight more apartments you can't afford are coming to the Village. Amentities include good light, high ceilings, God. [The Real Estate/NYO]
• Meryl Streep's spotted on the Devil Wears Prada set. Her experience playing the undead in Death Becomes Her should serve her well in her role as one of New York's top editors. [A Socialite's Life]
• Slow day at the office? Try to get your relatives deported: 1-800-TOWELHEAD [forksplit]

• We're not sure which is the bigger affront: Yiddish Gilbert and Sullivan, or the bomb threat called into the 92nd Street Y during the performance. [Jew School]
• Blogger complains about ugly signage on an NYC Sprint Store; Sprint heeds his complaint and repaints. Meanwhile, weeks later, we're still on hold waiting for a customer service person to help us with a billing problem. [What About the Plastic Animals?]
• Given that one in four people has oral herpes, we would argue that your used cigarette butts are not, in fact, the cleanest thing on the streets. But, still, good effort on an excuse for why people think it's OK to throw them on the streets of the city. [script]
• Cindy Sheehan banned from speaking Union Square by the Man? Or Cindy Sheehan gets the Man to stop her from speaking as a publicity stunt? [Mr. Snitch]
• Oh God; maybe soon someone will call us Philly's Sixth Borough. [Carpathian Kitten Loss]

• The list of landmarks participating in Open House New York is now available. We've been waiting years for a "bus tour of the Fresh Kills landfill." [NewYorkology]
• Stolen instruments, lack of talent, hallucinations — nothing could stop Anton Newcombe, of Brian Jonestown Massacre, from taking the stage at Pianos. Actually, performing, that's another story. [One Louder]
• Wonder why that guy just did his blow in the middle of the bar, instead of waiting for the bathroom like a civilized person? Here's your answer. [I'm. You're. Idle.]
• You know what makes the Times's here's-where-married-dudes-cruise article much more palatable? New photo captions! [You Can't Make It Up]

• Rock Center J. Crew takes precautions against Fashion Week. Not that we expect the crowds from the Marc Jacobs show will be rushing its doors anytime soon. [Central Village]
• Between Coffee Shop, Chat-n-Chew, and Cafeteria, does the 14th-16th Street corridor really need another overpriced cheap-chic restaurant? Apparently so. [Joonbug]
• We'd find this paper-hat guy charming, quaint, and unpretentious. But he's probably just working on a thesis. Or getting an NEA grant. [Tequila Red]
• Awards CMJ doesn't give but should. (Including our favorite, "Best band that uses the letter 'z' like it's 1991," which goes to The Willowz.) [My Blog is Poop]
• Once again, more than you ever wanted to hear from someone who won The New Yorker's caption contest. [emdashes]

• Lock up your 13-year olds. It looks like R. Kelly is in town for CMJ. [ToTC]
• Proving, once again, that Little Italy is solely for tourists: A discussion of the neighborhood's big festival, formerly known as San Gennaro. [Overheard in New York]
• Last time we saw a woman collapsed on the ground in Cobble Hill, we assumed it was Natasha Lyonne. But maybe it was just someone making sure her parking job was OK. [A Brooklyn Life]
• You can give to Katrina relief and make an asshole lawyer look stupid at the same time? It's two great tastes that taste great together. [Saab Bumper]
• Of course, being an asshole might not be entirely the lawyer's fault. Once they turn you into an asshole lawyer, they basically won't let you out. [Opinionistas]

• Elijah Wood, in town for the weekend, visits that Soho art festival and wonders what more he needs to do to prove he's straight. [Cityrag]
• Being hung up on Foer and Franzen is so last season. There's a new writer in town, and we know you have a boycrush on him. [GalleyCat]
• Chelsea Continues to Change!, says the headline (though we'd argue the block in question is actually in the West Village). Apparently, this could mean the end of a bakery. [NYC Stories]
• So if there's a "malicious battle of the sexes" raging on the streets of New York, our only questions are: How do we enter, and what do we win? [Jen Is Famous]
• New York gays can protest Schwarzenegger's promised veto of California's gay-marriage bill by boycotting Red Bull. We're assured there's a connection there. [Manhattan Offender]

• Daily Show stalker-fans of the world, unite! There's an open house this weekend at Jon Stewart's place, and it's your chance to see where the great man shat. [NYO/The Real Estate]
• Finally, a study to prove that all those iPod snobs are in fact snobs. [Collision Detection]
• What's the last thing a Park Slope street corner needs? We're going with: Lesbian couple with a Chinese baby parking their Jetta. [CitySpecific via Curbed]
• She finally, formally comes out (and not that way, silly): After losing two jobs because of her blog, Nadine Haobsh officially puts her name on it. [NadineHaobsh.com]

• Behold the slow but obvious growth of Tara Reid's deformed nipples, and the breasts to which they're attached. [CityRag]
• If there's one thing you certainly don't want to miss, it's something called Chinatown Fear Factor. We bet it involves eating rotting fish guts. [ToTC]
• Time to get your indie panties in a bunch: The unofficial and totally tentative CMJ 2005 lineup. [Brooklyn Vegan]
• We love taggers who also drive their daddy's Range Rover. Priceless. [Miss Representation]
• Corporate (yet delicious) coffee takes its toll, as Chelsea's Big Cup will close its doors. [NYC Stories]
• As any anorexic knows, everybody's going to die someday. [OiNY]

• MTV conspires with Nokia to makes Times Square even more crowded, tourist-friendly, and generally hideous. Swell. [Open All Night]
• Speaking of Times Square: See the debacle that was the "World's Greatest Guitar Smash," celebrating the Hard Rock Caf 's move that famed, benighted intersection. [Cityrag via Curbed]
• Gay Jewish rappers and your great-grandparents' favorite socialist newspaper, which loves them. [Proceed at Your Own Risk]
• And yet Washington State still won't let that dude keep his "F Dubya" license plate. [ToTC]
• Even online, Jews are still crafty and scheming. At least so say the anti-Semites at blottered. [Blottered]

• Need to see what it's like outside but don't want to actually walk to the window? This is why Al Gore invented the Internet, people. [Midtown Webcam via BlogChelsea]
• Trouble brewing in Billyburg? [ni9e via Curbed]
• Bozo the Clown gets to hold onto his rent stabilization. [The Real Estate]
• Is there anything an iPod can't do? Introducing iPod subway maps. [Eefers]
• Is there anything a blog can't do? Introducing a blogged Aristocrats. [The Aristocrats Blog]

• You've just won the New Yorker caption contest. Where are you going? To talk to some blogger, apparently. [emdashes]
• That Meatpacking movie theater of which we spoke? Yeah, maybe not so much. [The Reeler]
• We have no idea what one protests with a sex doll labeled "NYPD," but we're sure we agree with their cause. [Blottered]
• Jann Wenner's OCD apparently doesn't extend to the ladies' room. Much like many of Jann's other interests. [FishbowlNY]
• The unhealthy part of the oh-so-healthy Greenmarket are its big exhaust-spewing vans. And guess who donated them? [ToTC]

• What does the Murdoch family feud mean for 11 Spring Street? No one knows yet. [Curbed]
• Sudoku vs. Sodoku: One is a game transmitted by the Post, one is a disease transmitted by rats. We fail to see the distinction. [Hard, Cutting]
• Trickle-down Hottie contests. Nominate NYC politicos over at the Observer's Politicker. [The Politicker]
• Thank God we're not the only ones who confuse LES blogger/stalker Lindsay Robertson and Long Island actress /trainwreck Lindsay Lohan. [Lindsayism.com]
• Everybody loves a byline. [Overheard in New York]

• Kleinfeld opens in Chelsea today. Now if only Chelsea residents could legally get married in New York State. [BlogChelsea]
• The sadly unimaginary Young Manhattanite gets some answers, dammit, from the Imaginary Socialite. [Young Manhattanite]
• The movie projectionists' union, busy making life no fun for the new IFC Center, takes it pretty easy on the big guys, it turns out. [The Reeler]
• It a few days old, but we always love us a good anti-tourists rant. [This Place Is Dead Anyway]

• 7-Eleven, which theoretically never closes, has closed on Park Avenue South. Till at least Thursday. [Manhattan Offender via Curbed]
• Sure, Hell's Kitchen is gentrifying. If you don't count the public shitters. [ToTC]
• Never mind Jesus. What would Anna Wintour do? [Ambigutrex]
• The new BBC show from The Office creator Ricky Gervais is out, and Andrew Hearst both likes it and shows you where and how to torrent it. [Panopticist]
• Times TV critic Alessandra Stanley has no idea what she's talking about. [Radosh.net]