The "Good Old Days" in America, when White Sue and Pale Johnny only viewed their nearest city's urban hellscape through the windows of a speeding SUV as they drove back to the suburbs after watching the big ballgame are over. Consider America's ongoing demographic trends: the evolution of suburbs into slums; the migration of black Americans from Northern cities back to the South; every god damn 22 year-old who's ever strummed an acoustic guitar moving to Austin. The writing is on the wall. And now, the data has confirmed what we all feared: America's cities are full of white kids.

What has happened to the neat and tidy racial divisions placed unto our planet by god himself? I'll tell you what's happened to them: lots of fucking. We can no longer tell who's what just by looking! We can no longer trust our suburban redoubts to be lily-white! We can no longer make convenient racial jokes secure in the knowledge that no one in listening range belongs to one of the ethnicities being mocked! Nooooooo!

Happy Black History Month! You know Black History Month started today, right? Sure, sure. It's a special time of year when businesses across America honor diversity with watermelon lunches and sales on ham hocks. How is your workplace celebrating?

"43% of Hispanic women who live alone, and 34% of black women who live alone, live in poverty."

The Great Migration of black Americans from South to North is reversing itself.

A new report about our glorious post-racial American education system reveals that black males are doing absolutely horribly by nearly every measure. Oh, you knew that already? No, we mean worse than was already thought. Which is bad.

One in 22 black Americans will get HIV in their lifetime.

If you want to hear straight talk about race, ethnicity, and cultural stereotypes in America, look to the advertising community. They know what sells. To black people! To Latinos! To gays! If stereotypes are true, ads will prove it.

What do gang members look like? A bestselling rapper and music mogul with 10 Grammys under his belt and millions of dollars in his pocket according to the front page of the Miami Police Department's website.

You may be interested to learn that despite hundreds of years of history in the Southern U.S., it is not racist to address a grown black man as "boy." No, really! Observe the judicial saga John Hithon has endured.

The Atlanta field division of the Drug Enforcement Administration, apparently, has all of these bugged tapes of black people, but can't understand any of it. So it's looking to hire nine "Ebonics" speakers, to translate this garbled nonsense.

Oooo, it's a racial-cultural-media controversy of the most delicious sort! Essence magazine has hired a white lady as its new fashion director. Is that bad? Or, perhaps, not bad? We'll tell you what we think below—then, everyone argue!

A—totally faithful!—black couple recently welcomed into the world a white, blond baby, likely due to some long dormant genes. Teabaggers the nation over kicked the dirt and said "phooey" upon learning this happened in the UK, not here.

Having just gotten over the whole slave emancipation insult, the American South now finds itself mired in another fierce debate: should black people be allowed in my club? What about on a jury? With white folks?!

A task force reports that cops who get shot by other cops are often victims of—well, "race may play a role in an officer's instantaneous assessment." Color us shocked! Any other news today that reinforces conventional stereotypes even more?

Magnum condoms, for those of you who don't know (not me), are big condoms that are great for when your penis is extra large. Who better to promote Magnum condoms than rappers, who have extra-large penises, as everyone knows?

Census Bureau director Robert Groves publicly apologized Friday for including the word "Negro" in the census this year. He apologized to a caller on C-Span, a.k.a. "Black-Span." Not "Negro-Span!" Take note, white folks. [USNWR]

America's Greatest Controversy on this day in history: did a white sorority win a step show competition, ZOMG? Or would the world maybe blow up if something like that happened? And also Sprite is so racist, against Obama.

So this happened this morning, on local cable news station NY1. To be fair, both Snipes and Congressman Charlie Rangel have very good excuses for not paying their taxes. [Via]

A controversial new book by a Harvard-educated lawyer weighs in on American society's most hotly debated sociological quandary: Should black ladies date people who are not black? The year now is 1955. Oh, it's not?