A year-and-a-half ago, Carlsberg struck marketing gold with a viral ad that saw random moviegoers being thrust into a theater filled with ornery-looking bikers.

In order to promote themselves and the free spirit lifestyle, the beer brand Sol ran a marketing campaign that offered commuters an opportunity to win a free beer in exchange for their work tie. After the amused working man drops in his cravat, he will receive a coupon that can be exchanged for a free bottle of beer. But, hey Sol! What about the ladies? Do we chuck in a high heel? Let us know, thank you.

Black is the new black—in food and beverage packaging, that is! [MUST credit Gawker.com]. Beer is in black cans. Shampoo is in black bottles. Gelato is in black containers. Tell us, Wall Street Journal, what is the deal with all this black?

Charity is great and all, but oftentimes there's just not enough drinking involved. Thankfully, New Jersey-based Flying Fish Brewery is here to help. Flying Fish has announced a new brew called FU Sandy; all of the proceeds will benefit hurricane relief.

What can save a declining beer brand? Drunker customers.

For three long, cold years, the hardworking men and women in the beer industry have had to hang their heads, in the knowledge that we Americans have been buying less, and less, and less beer, ever since 2008. Soda? Sure, we can't get enough of that sweet stuff. But beer? Good old-fashioned mass-produced alcoholic gut-swelling, cirrhosis-inducing beer? We just haven't been interested. Until now.

What do you do to something you love? Give it hot dogs and beer, right? Wrong, guys, if that something is a dolphin.

Bears breaking into places and behaving like adorable gluttons is totally a thing now. First, the Rocky Mountain Chocolate Factory incident, and now a Norwegian bear party.

Arizona, the worst state in the country, is such a terrible place that even the two-year olds have turned to drink. When Valerie Marie Topete saw her two-year old son reaching for her pitcher of beer while the two were dining in a pizzeria in Phoenix, she did what any sane mother would do: she filled the toddler's sippy cup with delicious, cold suds. If your child was facing such an obviously awful existence, would you have acted differently? Not me. Well, sure enough some teetotaling, probably concealed-gun toting narc took it upon himself to snitch to the police, who not only arrested Ms. Topete but also had the nerve to take away the tot's beer. Now Topete is being held on suspicion of child abuse. And, from the AP report, "Police didn't know if she has a lawyer." Of course they don't know, because police in Arizona are know-nothing monsters. Anyway, if you guys want to start a Kickstarter to get her out of jail, let's move to the comments.

Fifty-two-year-old Clifton Vial of Nome, Alaska, who does not sound like the sharpest knife in the proverbial psychotic Alaskan woodsman's knife belt, decided to go for a spin in his Toyota Tacoma last week "to see how far a road winding to the north would take him." It took him—and the six-pack of beer he had in the cab—to a snowdrift about 40 miles outside of town, where he became stuck with no supplies. Except for that beer:

You know when you get into an unfamiliar city for some stupid work thing and you're desperately trying to remember who you know who lives there? That apparently happened with 23-year-old Marine veteran Dakota Meyer, whose "stupid work thing" tomorrow is "being awarded the Medal of Honor." So he did what any self-respecting living Medal of Honor recipient would (there have only been two since Vietnam): He called the president.

Nonalcoholic beer has long been the beverage of choice for everyone from delusional recovering alcoholics to people too drunk to notice they accidentally bought nonalcoholic beer. Shouldn't you be drinking more nonalcoholic beer, if you know what we mean?

Killer vaccines! Sex-crazed kids! Lower cholesterol! Sickening papayas! Laundry cancer! Healthier milk! Brain scans! Marathon beer! And fatty fat babies who need a little shove in the right direction! It's your Thursday Health Watch, where we watch your health—dishonestly!

A 34-year-old Florida mom has been charged with child neglect after allegedly leaving her five-year-old—who still requires use of a stroller, for some reason?—to wait outside a Daytona Beach bar called Crooks Den "for 20 minutes" while she drank beers inside.

The high price of a pint of beer in Britain is a pretty hot issue. Through extensive research, we recently concluded that many Britons were switching to cocaine because it's more affordable. Now, to take advantage of new tax breaks, breweries are developing weaker beers — and taste testers seem to like them! The Independent reports on some promising poll results:

Bad news, people who go to the store with the express purpose of purchasing Miller Lite™ brand beer: Ad Age reports that Miller Lite is growing steadily less popular. And during the "all-important summer beer-selling season"!

Not all robots are bad! As you can see in the video above, Trossen Robotics' DARwIn-OP has okay taste in beer, even if it can't do anything except kick the can for now. Maybe it will even let you and your fellow humans keep some Tecate in your communal slave refrigerators, after the robot uprising. [via Popular Science]

The Telegraph today reports that beer sales in Britain have dropped 9.8 percent between April and June of this year, and the same time last year. That's the biggest dip in sales in 14 years. So, why are beer sales plummeting? The paper assigns blame to the outrageous taxes imposed on brewers, a 35.4 percent rise in duties since March 2008, but it failed to include another factor — cocaine has never been cheaper!

The ongoing Minnesota government shutdown is dragging the state into a new phase of No Fun Whatsoever, due to the shuttered state offices and programs that aren't handling day-to-day matters as usual. Do you Minnesotans like to drink beer or smoke cigarettes or not see poopy everywhere? Then for now, at least, you'll have to pack up your bindles and migrate down Iowa-way.

As an American, there is no greater service that you can perform for your country than to drink vast quantities of beer. Not pussy foreign "Heineken" or "Corona" beer, the purchase of which amounts to draining the faltering American economy in order to subsidize enemy (non-US) nations. We're talking about real god damn American beer. Budweiser. Miller. The shit that G.I. Joe would drink.