We have, in the past, attempted to clear up the apparently common misconception that 911 is for frivolities like nude Facebook photos or business cards. (It is not. It is for emergencies only.) Would that Raymond Roberge had listened!

Feeling patriotic? Stop drinking that sickening imported swill right now, and brew the most American beer of all time: George Washington's beer, made from a recipe he wrote in his Notebook as a Virginia Colonel.

A congressional staff member sent us this snapshot from outside Rep. Sam Graves' (R - Mo.) office, taken around 10:15 p.m. as Congress wrapped up the final budget compromise. Note that we are not—absolutely not!—implying that Republican staffers were drunk during the up-to-the-wire negotiations! Just reckless and crazy and dangerously ignorant. Okay, and maybe a little drunk. Here's the full-sized photo; we've got an email with with Rep. Graves' office and will let you know if we hear back. (Hey! At least they're recycling, right?)

Seeing Jason Suedkis on Conan last night felt more like watching fraternity brothers hanging out than a television interview. Not that we're complaining! He brought along some super-spicy Buffalo Wild Wings from Flastbush Avenue, Brooklyn and frat-boy staple Natural Light.

David Arquette gave his first post-rehab interview to Oprah, and it turns out he was a beer-swilling smoking baby. Arquette describes the scene of his intervention ("I go, what up, turkeys?") and says he had his first drink at the age of four, began "seriously drinking" at 12, and stole pot from his father at the age of 8.

The Russian government, which has long called beer a "foodstuff," will now classify the beverage as, you know, alcohol, as part of a campaign against alcoholism and underage drinking. People drinking excessively? In Russia!? Believe it or not! "Many ordinary Russians," The Daily Telegraph tells us, "regard beer as a soft drink. It is not uncommon to see men swigging a can of beer on their way to work." Ah, yes, but what they don't tell you is that those men are professional beer-tasters.

The battle between Wisconsin's unionized workers and GOP union-busters is rolling on. But the heated rhetoric hasn't stopped one age-old tradition among the various protesters: beer drinking. It seems that Schlitz and PBR might be the great equalizer, according to Reuters:

Mayor Bloomberg, visiting the Brooklyn Brewery yesterday said, "I actually put ice in my beer," to the horror of Brooklyn beer snobs. The Post asked the editor of All About Beer magazine, Julie Johnson, how Bloomberg should enjoy his beer:

Being a professional beer-taster probably sounds like a pretty good job, until you are asked to taste samples of 200-year-old beer found in a Baltic Sea shipwreck. The tasters who were asked to do so recently, on behalf of researchers in the Åland Islands (an autonomous region of Finland), said that the beer, found in a shipwreck dating back to the early part of the 19th century, "did taste very old... with some burnt notes," not to mention "quite acidic."

The White House got all pretentious with its beer selection at yesterday's Super Bowl party. This concoction, the "White House Honey Ale," was made with one pound of honey from the White House Bee Hive, and you'll never get to taste it.

This octopus takes some tips from Spongebob Squarepants and makes a beer bottle at the bottom of the sea his home.

This touch screen bar being tested in Hong Kong uses tags on the bottom of beer bottles to relay information about the beer, suggests similar beers, and most importantly allows you to order more drinks without a bartender.

By now we all know about Dos Equis Most Interesting Man in the World, but did you know there is also a World's Sleaziest Man as well? What he drinks probably won't surprise you.

This video was taken in Bosnia where a restaurant owner lets people buy non-alcoholic beer for the bear. To be fair, we'd also need a drink if we were locked up in a cage like that.

A dedicated group of thieves drove an unattended forklift through the wall of an Oregon general store while it was closed on Saturday. The only thing they took was beer. There are, frankly, worse ways to spend Christmas.

Uh, holy crap. That's all I have to say about this video, which depicts a concession stand worker using a machine to fill up cups of beer from the bottom. That's right—the beer comes in THROUGH THE BOTTOM.

New evidence could strengthen the argument that the Stone Age domestication of cereals—which in turn led to farming and "settled behavior"—was intended for beer, not food. Yes, that's right: Without beer, there might never have been civilization.

Don't see the Mad Hatter in the picture yet? You will soon. He's going to have to reimburse his friends $11.50 for red solo cups and beer. Also featured: a poorly-constructed beer pong table.

At least the beer industry is doing well.

For anyone who wants to have a few drinks without getting too messed up, beer is always a good choice. But the calories! And the beer belly! Fret no more. Here are the healthiest brews. The winner will surprise you.