Police say disturbance at an Illinois Target initially reported as an active shooter situation was actually a man protesting the company’s transgender bathroom policy, the Chicago Tribune reports.

Sandy Rios, Director of Government Affairs at the American Family Association, just revealed to anti-LGBT quasi-hate group Breitbart that her own anti-LGBT quasi-hate group is planting adult men in women’s bathrooms at Targets.

As the Indiana Republican primary looms, the New York Times reports, Ted Cruz has sought to galvanize conservatives by raising the issue of transgender women’s right to use women’s bathrooms, arguing that Republicans should reject Donald Trump’s support for such purportedly deviant behavior.

Breaking news out of Scarsdale, N.Y.: DJ Funkmaster Flex is trapped inside a women’s room stall—it was the only bathroom they had the key for—and a group of four women just walked in as he was trying to take a shit.

Nightmares really do come true in San Diego, where at any given moment a five-foot-long snake could just emerge from from the sewage line and into your toilet—it happened once this week, it could happen again, oh my god.

The Port Authority Bus Terminal is the grubbiest, least hospitable public space in Manhattan, and its bathrooms are the worst of the worst—if you can ignore the ominous patch of grime on the ceiling and focus on the task at hand for long enough to squeeze out a few drops, you should consider yourself lucky. So cops: Let's afford these bus station pissers some dignity, shall we?

The Wall Street Journal reports that Russia is aggressively defending itself against complaints that the much-maligned bathrooms in its Olympic accommodations are in any way substandard. The Russians are, in fact, keeping a very, very close eye on the bathroom situation:

A 35-year-old Israeli man was rushed to the hospital on Friday after a snake suddenly emerged from the toilet he was sitting on and bit the man's penis.

There are a few simple rules of first-world hygiene. Don't share needles. Abide by the five-second rule. And under no circumstances* are you allowed to eat in a public bathroom.

If your toilet was made by American Standard, Crane, Kohler, Eljer, Mansfield, St. Thomas or Gerber between 1997 and 2008, there's at least some chance it could randomly explode and cause "laceration injuries." So far at least 304 toilets have burst, resulting in 14 reported injuries.

The following thoughts have flickered through my mind in rapid succession at least once a week for as long as I have worked on the fourth floor of Gawker Media's offices.

City officials in Ichihara, Japan have just opened what they are calling "the biggest public toilet in the world," The Japan Times reports.

What follows is the second installment from the Fox Mole, a Gawker columnist and current employee of Fox News Channel. Here's the inaugural column.

Bathroom lines are the bane of nightlife, and they only seem to be getting longer. Maybe this is because people are increasingly distracted by their smartphones in the bathroom, unable to go even a single stinky second without human contact. Stop.

The entire massive opulent Bloomberg Media mothership is little more than a huddled mass of journalists, yearning to be free. Our post today about the various internal gripes against the company—crowded bathrooms, prison-like layout, mean bosses, everything—brought the following note from another insider. It is worthwhile reading:

Fifteen minutes ago, I encountered an unflushed turd in the bowl of a workplace toilet. A harmless event that nonetheless evoked kneejerk revulsion and tested my character. Would I step up and bravely flush, or would I flee?

The Smoking Gun has gotten its paws on Newt Gingrich's Washington Speakers Bureau contract, replete with all of his pampered demands. For each speaking gig, he wants a nice hotel, first class plane ticket, check for $50,750 — the usual. But there's one item that stands out as appropriately idiosyncratic: His demand for two bathrooms, in a one-bedroom suite. This is his most profound idea yet.

The story started in whispers at a party. "You worked for Arianna Huffington?" I asked a new acquaintance. "Got any gossip?"

Earlier this week, New Yorkers were shaken and alarmed by a report that Starbucks could be closing some of its restrooms in the city, leaving us all with nowhere to urinate except in Roger Ailes' face. The company denied the report, but this is simply too important of a story to "take their word for it." Now, the New York Times is on the case!

We know what Starbucks is up to. First, they started clearing out all the laptop hobos who occupy tables for hours while nursing a single cup of coffee. And now, Starbucks is cutting back on its free public bathrooms. It's almost as if this multinational corporation only cares about money!