In the run-up to, and immediate aftermath of, every presidential election there will be those who say they are moving to [insert foreign country here] if their candidate's main challenger wins.

A Des Moines delivery driver employed by Pizza Hut was caught on camera urinating on the door of a customer who neglected to provide him with the customary tip.

A woman found tied up inside her own vehicle in San Antonio told police she was carjacked near an ATM by a drug dealer with a knife and forced to drive around with him as he made his rounds.

Jumping into a pool of frozen water wearing nothing but a Speedo-Hot Pants hybrid would demand of any reasonable primate at least a fleeting expectation of pain.

Police in Virginia Beach arrested an 18-year-old man yesterday and charged him with two misdemeanor counts of brandishing a firearm after he allegedly pointed his gun at elementary school students.

Out of nowhere, Tan Mom has competition for Worst Tan: competitor number 49 at the Arnold Classic Europe bodybuilding competition, who appears to have self-tanned only his body. Here's the full shot:

Considering the hyped-up, half-assed shit the TSA forces you to go through before your typical flight, making a bomb-related joke at the airport probably isn't the best move. But, according to the AP, flier Peter Friesema didn't let a thing like common sense get in the way of potential comedy gold and apparently made a wisecrack about having a bomb in his bag. Things went about as well as you'd expect: authorities shutdown Anchorage's Ted Stevens International Airport for three hours hours early Sunday morning as police searched for the non-existent bomb.

Officials from the fire department in Holland Township, Michigan, say a fire that left 32 apartments uninhabitable was caused by a resident burning fur off a dead squirrel using a propane torch.

A 30-year-old man with a lengthy rap sheet received an additional six months on top of 15 years for robbery after he punched his public defender in the face during sentencing.

To nonpartisan senses, neither candidate came off looking particularly presidential during last night's first-of-three presidential debates.

A 39-year-old Phoenix man who organized a hoax terror threat in order to test police preparedness in the aftermath of July's Aurora movie theater massacre, was arrested this week and charged with multiple counts of not thinking his actions through.

Well, he didn't "lose" it, really. A tiger took it, with its mouth.

A drunk, high, fool of a lady has been sentenced to 122 days in pirate prison (aka regular prison), after stealing a boat and demonstrating to everyone just how dangerous, unstable, and incompetent Captain Jack Sparrow would be if he existed real life.

A Kentucky teen was jailed for two days after posting a status update on Facebook boasting about hitting a car while driving under the influence.

It's being heralded as the "best office farewell email ever," but, as some are pointing out, it's mostly a rip-off of the classic "fuck you, you're cool" scene from Half Baked.

A man wanted in Maryland on unspecified sex offenses was arrested in Bluefield, Virginia, after his girlfriend "friended" the local sheriff's office on Facebook.

In a move The Hollywood Reporter bizarrely claims is part of a continuing push "into original scripted programming" (emphasis mine), Bravo announced today plans to reboot the 1988 dark comedy Heathers as a TV series set 20 years after the cult film.

Adding injury to insult this morning, NBC — the only Big Three network that didn't carry live coverage of the 8:46 AM moment of silence for victims of the 9/11 terror attacks — opted instead to stick with the Today show's Kris Jenner interview that covered such issues of national import as the new season of Keeping Up with the Kardashians, and the momager's breast augmentation surgery.

Tiger Temple is a Theravada Buddhist temple in Thailand that is ostensibly a wildlife sanctuary, but, in actuality, is something far less reputable.

It's unclear what exactly motivated this young woman to start picking fights with random taxi cabs and other passing motorists in the middle of 6th and 22nd.