Party supply coordinator-turned-future Queen of England Jimmy Fallon welcomed his first child with wife Nancy Juvonen early Tuesday morning: a daughter named Winnie Rose Fallon.
Over the weekend, local partygirl Kate Middleton shocked a nation by not giving birth. This is crazy to everyone because we know she is pregnant because we seen it. Many people are now asking "What time is the royal birth happening?" and "When will the royal baby be born?" and "Should I expect the royal baby for dinner or just leave a plate in the oven?"
Oh, not you. Your baby's name is great! But you know who I'm talking about. (You.) (Just kidding.) (Wow, that person picked a stupid baby name.)
How did Dan Brown, the immensely popular and successful bad writer behind such hits as The Da Vinci Code and Hey, There's a Treasure Map Under This Painting!, get to be such an immensely popular and successful bad writer? He just loves "reading," meaning "listening to stuff."
Great news if you've been meaning to have a baby with Daniel Radcliffe for a while but have yet to broach the subject with him because you're worried he'll say no or won't know what a baby is or won't know who you are. (It's me, Daniel Radcliffe. The girl who lives in your cupboard. I'm ready to have a baby with you.) He is ready to have a baby with you. He's been waiting for you to ask him all along.
Filmmaker Zhang Yimou, who produced the over-the-top pageant of China's national glories for the Beijing Olympics opening ceremony, is being investigated by family-planning officials for siring an excessive number of offspring—"up to seven children with four women." Apparently Raise the Red Lantern was autobiographical. Fines could approach $27 million.
Cool, edgy parents who hold their babies with one hand have been observing for years that infants are like drunk people. They can barely hold their heads up! They’re always bursting into tears! They’re steady tryin' to suck on titties in public! Now, New Yorkers have found a way to make their children even more like drunk people: They’re teaching them to pee on the street.
For the past few years, the only thing preventing Williamsburg babies from sleeping soundly at naptime was their crippling #FOMO (Fear of Missing Out). A sleeping baby can't check out Mateo's great new loft space. A sleeping baby can't purchase a $4 locally brined pickle.
Maybe you thought this was a happy day for sea lions, but sadly, for sea lions not exposed to pop music of the '70s and '90s, it has been a tragic 2013. Federal wildlife officials declared an "unusual mortality event" as hundreds of stranded and underweight sea lion pups have been washing up on the shores of Southern California.
Today is April Fool's Day, so when it comes to pictures of toddlers crushing cigarrettes, we tread carefully. Still, here are several pictures of a chill ass toddler smoking a cigarette lit for him by his mom in Shanghai's Fuxing park on Easter Sunday.
When we first met Holly Madison, she was heroically rescuing the iconic Landsdowne portrait of George Washington from the 1814 Burning of Washington by British troops. No, wait. That's Dolley Madison. When we first met Holly Madison, it was on an episode of Cribs. She was living at the Playboy Mansion with a bunch of similarly proportioned women, calling Hugh Hefner "Puffin," and pleading with him to put a ring on it. He refused, because he would never marry again. She seemed perfectly nice.
Good news if the only thing keeping you from having a baby was the fear that you might not be able to scrape together $99 to buy a crib from IKEA; IKEA Australia is offering a free crib to any baby who is born nine months from today, on November 14, 2013.
Are you an adventurous human woman? Adventurous enough to be a surrogate mother for the first Neanderthal baby to be born in 30,000 years?
What a fun, sexy time to be a baby.
