MSNBC gossipoid Jeanette Walls has a "source" who claims that Anna Nicole Smith is shopping "exclusive" photos of baby daughter Dannielyn Hope to various tabloids, selling them to the highest bidder, and using the cash to finance her Bahamian lifestyle. This would seem perfectly in line with Smith's earlier commercial efforts, from her dead son to fake wedding to poignant Caesarian video. If she's indeed selling the pics — and we have a hard time believing she could be pulling down Suri Cruise money — then where are they? The only real shot of wee Dannielyn out there is the crop from the widely seen AP photo at right. Are we to believe the tabs are waiting for just the right, tasteful moment to run the photos? Far be it from us to suggest that Walls is being played with a planted tip, but given that her item ends with a reaction quote from Smith's nemesis (and self-claimed babydaddy) Larry Birkhead, the photos' lack of publication seems telling. But Anna Nicole, if you're reading this, we'll trade you the shots (or the baby) for some T-shirts.

• To reiterate, Madonna did not adopt a boy during her visit to Malawi to help AIDS orphans. But since the Malawian keeps telling everyone that she did, you can bet she won't be back anytime soon. [Page Six]
• After putting Neosporin on her ego, former NBC News Anchor Mary Alice Williams heads to CBS to be Katie Couric's writer. [Lowdown]
• Nicole Richie breaks up with Brody Jenner after he offers her a potato chip. [Us Weekly]
• Tara Reid reportedly has her breast implants removed and liposuction scars touched up. So the next time she gets bombed and falls out of her dress, the image of her tits won't make you cry. Or not as hard, anyhow. [Page Six]
• Eva Longoria ditches Tony Parker for the loving embrace of AC Slater. [Scoop]
• Maggie Gyllenhaal finally spits out Peter Sarsgaard's child, a baby girl named Ramona. [R&M (bottom)]
• Kim Basinger is arraigned on charges of contempt after ex-husband Alec Baldwin sells her out with a list of custody violations. Honestly, we look forward to the day their daughter is old enough to buy a gun and shut her parents up once and for all. [TMZ]

Congratulations to Vice co-founder Gavin McInnes and his wife, Emily, who gave birth to Sophie Whiterabbit McInnes at 9:23 PM on September 16 (for what it's worth, the Whiterabbit part of her name is less "crackhead parents" and more "Mommy's Native American"). Emily had a breezy 18 hours of labor; rather than touch a drop of epidural, she opted for a midwife and a doula. And so the granola hater from Vice goes for natural childbirth with the help of a doula — a pivotal step in the evolution from hipster to grup.

• Laguna Beach alum Kristin Cavalleri continues to justify her relevance through the strategic use of her vagina, which has been programmed to hone in on any male remotely connected to any female celebrity. [Page Six]
• Paris Hilton may be in some trouble for her drunk driving arrest, but it's nothing her mafioso relatives can't take care of. [R&M]
• Speaking of the DUI Club, Mel Gibson emerges from hiding, unhappy to be faced with Jew paparazzi. [TMZ]
• Just now on The View, Babs admitted to having Botox — which is about the worst endorsement the treatment could have.
• Lionel Richie asks a doctor if his emaciated daughter Nicole is anorexic. Seriously? You had to ask a professional to get the answer? [Scoop]
• Warren Buffet disavows his granddaughter after she publicly admitted to being super fucking rich. [Page Six]
• Tom Brokaw joins Team Couric, albeit briefly. [Lowdown (last item)]
• Marcia Cross is pregnant, and nobody cares. Poor fetus. [IMDb]

Congratulations to former ABC News anchor Elizabeth Vargas and husband Marc Cohn, proud parents of another baby boy. Little Severance Wyatt Cohn arrived on Wednesday weighing seven pounds, nine ounces. The boy was born with a "full head of hair" and the lifelong burden of having to hear how he killed his mother's career.

Uh, to whom exactly is this a shock? Does anybody doubt that Alex Kuczynski would eat live babies if she thought it would keep her looking young?

Our commerce-savvy sibling over at Consumerist takes note of the growing furor over Babytalk magazine's decision to run a breastfeeding cover. Consumerist questions the authenticity of the breast itself (suspiciously, there is no areola); we're just happy to see a Time, Inc., publication that doesn't feature Angelina Jolie on the front. Although, in this case...

• As you've no doubt heard, Mel Gibson was arrested Friday for drunk driving down the PCH in Malibu, at which point he announced that "fucking Jews" were "responsible for all the wars in the world." He also made it clear that he owned Malibu, called a female officer "sugar tits" and threatened to fuck everyone within earshot. The police department may have tried to hide the inflammatory report, seeing as they're such big fans of Braveheart. [TMZ]
• 26-year-old Band-Aid heiress Casey Johnson plans to adopt a baby from Kazakhstan and dress her in "the cutest leopard baby bikini." Babies sure are neat toys! [Page Six]
• Paris Hilton lookalikes are trashy, mildly psychotic — just like the real thing. [R&M]
• Tori Spelling and her husband love nothing more than a night in with some microwave popcorn and a copy of Black Cock Invasion II. [Page Six]
• On August 14, Boy George will perform his community service (for reporting a false break-in) by cleaning the streets. As extra punishment, they'll likely send him to Chinatown. [NYDN]

If you're sure that your family will be incomplete until little Madison has a brother or young Milo gets a sister, you're in luck: Today's Observer reports on the newest trend in reproductive treatment: "elective gender selection." Like most things loathsome, it's happening on the Upper East Side, and the clients are exactly who you think they might be ("Many of them are attorneys.") As with all incipient trend stories, there are the inevitable message board quotes, and the horrific inevitable that make you question your basic humanity. We were particularly struck by this one, from a woman who wants to have a girl:

Over at privileged Hamptons blog The Beach, some nostalgic weirdness in the mailbag (at right). The note reads:

• Nicole Kidman and Keith Urban finally confirm that they're getting married this weekend in Australia. Guess that means they're an item? Meanwhile, Kidman spends extra on security, lest an angry Scientologist show up at her nuptials with an E-meter. [R&M]
• Heidi Klum and Seal are pregnant with their second baby prune. [Us Weekly]
• Much like his fellow talent Paris Hilton, Kevin Federline isn't much for helping needy kids. Charity work interferes with his smoking schedule. [Lowdown]
• Classy lady Tori Spelling calls her husband's ex-wife, Mary Jo Eustace, "pathetic...bordering on lunacy." This comes from a woman who voluntarily paid for frighteningly unnatural breasts. [Page Six]
• Bruce Willis sues a paparazzo who told TMZ that he was assaulted by the actor. [TMZ]
• After seeing the previews for Miami Vice, we're confident it will quickly join Gigli and Alexander in the shit-filled canon. [Fox411]
• Madison Avenue prep Andrew Parker's mother inadvertantly pays for the production of Trust Fund Sluts. That's about all you need to know. [Page Six]

• Heather Mills McCartney did not take part in pricey orgies with Arabs because she was a call girl. She did it for free, and for the love. [R&M]
• Madonna ends her friendship with Britney Spears because of Spears' flight from Kabbalah. Also because she's incompetent white trash. And that scrunchie ain't helping, either. [Scoop]
• In regards to said scrunchie, Spears tells Matt Lauer she's a "wreck." Oh, we know, honey. [IMDb]
• Jack Black and wife Tanya Haden present the world with newborn baby boy — but because of that Shiloh bitch, nobody's going to make a dime. [Us Weekly]
• Oprah Winfrey makes an appearance at producer LA Reid's 50th birthday party, but when Harpo goes out, she goes large, partying at Nobu 57 until 2:30 in the morning. And you just know she was surrounded by hos, bling, and Cristal. [Page Six]
• Costume designer Patricia "Don't call me Betsey" Field quits The Girls Guide to Hunting and Fishing, reportedly because of Alec Baldwin's behavior and intolerable hirsuteness. [Lowdown]

• So the Czech Republic handed the U.S. team its ass on a platter, but watching the World Cup in New York is more about the eurotrash anyhow. This weekend, Swedes unfairly suffered as Good World failed to get their television properly working. [NYT-WC]
• Kevin Federline learns that he has an infant son; in the resulting wave of emotion, he removes his cornrows and allows himself to be photographed touching the child. [Us Weekly]
• What New York real estate lacks in affordability, it more than makes up for in glamorous exaggeration. [Copyranter]
• Matt Damon's anonywife gives birth to a baby girl; post-Shiloh, the couple is now trying to pay a celebrity weekly to run photos. [People]
• The Falls finally closes; murderous bouncers begin to look for work elsewhere. [NYDN]
• Crisis at the Gay Oscars Tonys — Alfre Woodard and Gayle King wear the same dress. Aren't stylists overpaid so as to avoid this sort of horror? [OAN]
• Is American Apparel less about the human rights thing as they would have you think? [Consumerist]
• Introducing V-Style, not to be confused with V or V Life. [Mediaweek]
• Media Guy Simon Dumenco asks if it would kill Conde Nast to cut the self-congratulatory circle-jerk regarding the still-unborn Portfolio. The answer: without its arrogance, there would be no Conde. So, yes, it would kill them. [AdAge]
• Related: the nicest cafeterias go to those who eat the least. [Memo Pad]

At left, New York's Nov. 8, 2004, cover story on the city as the only child capital of America. At right, this week's New York cover story, on the city's growing plague of twins. We'll pencil in the New York cover story on triplets for January 2008.

• Is this man the Julio who Anderson Cooper keeps so very near and dear to his heart/pants? We can't confirm, but he certainly looks tailored to Anderson's rumored tastes. And he's only 25, which means he's obedient. [Eff Anderson]
• If you want to verify the status of his lover, you could just ask Anderson himself: he'll be doing a signing on June 19th at noon at the Shops at Columbus Circle, third floor. Clear your schedules now.
• Rachel Weisz gives birth to a baby boy, and absolutely no one gives a fuck. [Us Weekly]
• Josh Hartnett will give you $500 to use your "funky" LES apartment for a photo shoot. Like you wouldn't just do that for free. [Curbed]
• If Manhattan were Chicago, we'd all be a little more fat. [Kottke]
• And in other LES news, it would seem that Jay McInerney's therapist works dangerously close to Fat Baby. [H&G via Eater]
• As of the time of this posting, Greg Gutfeld is leading the poll for best HuffPo contributor by a single vote. Granted, it's actually the only vote, but he's a winner nonetheless! [BigMediaBlog]
• To celebrate the birth of her first biological daughter, Angelina Jolie's lawyers buy baby Shiloh her very own domain name. Beats a silver Tiffany rattle any day. [Defamer]
• Meanwhile, Angelina gets her own verb. To Jolie: to leave your girlfriend for another woman who was supposedly just your friend. As in, "The fucker Jolie'd me." [ONY]

• America's first couple, Britney Spears and Kevin Federline, may no longer be rolling in the filth of their wedded bliss. Brit's publicist refuses to deny that they've split, and in the court of celebrity trash, silence is an admission of divorce. If the sweet sounds of "Popozao" can't save a marriage, can anything? [Mirror UK]
• After signing a $6 million deal with Miramax Books for her memoirs, Barbara Walters has weaseled her way out of the contract in pursuit of a better deal elsewhere. If Hillary Clinton can get $8 million for her autobiography, then certainly Babs can fetch just as much. The face-lifts aren't going to pay for themselves, you know. [Page Six]
• Having worked for everyone in Hollywood, jailbird P.I. Anthony Pellicano may have worked with Israeli mobsters — a natural climb up the Power Jew ladder. [R&M]
• Brandon Davis issues an official apology to Lindsay Lohan after calling her a firecrotch. He's also "horrified" by that bit about her seven-foot-long clitoris, and considers the freckles coming out of her vagina to be "reprehensible." [Page Six]
• Fox News' Kimberly Guilfoyle is set to marry male socialite Eric Villency in Barbados tomorrow — and just in time, too, as she's 5 months pregnant. We can't have a bastard baby around Murdoch's house. [Lowdown]

Because everyone in Hollywood is a new parent, about to become a parent, or at least biologically capable parenting something, People magazine has decided to spin its celebrity baby scrapbooking service into a seperate venture. You have to admire their genius: upright primates have been breeding for millions of years, but in just five weeks they've declared that babies are HOT right NOW. Next month the mag will hawk a special spin off, creatively titled Celebrity Babies, devoted to the lifestyles of Hollywood parents and keeping you up to speed on this season's sexiest nursing bras. Unfortunately for the people of Namibia, the mag has already closed, meaning that the Jolie-Pitt collaboration won't be featured — but that leaves wide open the possibility for People to mark the birth with a "World's Sexiest Infant" issue.

But while "a little tube time" can be beneficial for babies, studies have found that prolonged exposure, especially to cooking shows, can prompt some children to hang themselves.

• Parenting groups zone in on Brad Pitt, who's spotted taking a bike ride in Namibia with a helmet-less baby Zahara riding in a blue papoose strapped around him. Britney Spears is thrilled. [R&M]
• After a fight with Tom Cruise, Katie Holmes flies solo to Ohio to introduce baby Suri to her horrified family and friends. [Scoop]
• The cause of the brawl between Axl Rose and Tommy Hilfiger had nothing to do with Rose dating Hilfiger's brother's ex-wife. No, Axl got clocked because of the usual, inebriated reasons. [Page Six]
• At a charity auction, guest auctioneer Donald Trump yells at a bidder to "put your fucking hand down" and notes that the winner of a vacation package needs to lose 50 or 60 pounds. [Lowdown]
• James Gandolfini acknowledges that he's too old to fight in Iraq, but he'd still go and drive a truck or something. Just don't let him zip around Fallujah on a Vespa — we all know how that'll turn out. [Page Six]
• Complete unconfirmed, but: did Gwen Stefani finally have that damn baby? [Insider Gossip]

Never mind the state-by-state vagaries of infant car-seat laws. Another new-mom old pal, this one a Manhattanite, points us to a certain picture on the Us Weekly blog and incontrovertible evidence (right) of Mrs. Federline's malicious neglect. "More evidence of child abuse," charges our emailer. "Britney's got her kid's hat cocked to the side so that he looks like his idiot dad."