On the morning of the announcement of the Academy Awards nominations, Hollywood rises at dawn, runs through a careful routine of stretching exercises, then invites the media over to its lavish estate to watch as it slowly leans forward and lovingly services its own swollen, pulsing genitalia before it soberly intones the litany of names of its most favored citizens. Hors d'oeuvres are served, and the musical accompaniment by the L.A. Philharmonic is sublime.

A Defamer operative sent in this report, and accompanying photographic evidence, of CBS' valiant attempt at thinking outside of the "full-page ad in Variety" box for their CSI Emmy consideration promotional campaign:

I'd like to thank Chris Nolan, who directed Batman Begins. I want to thank him for getting rid of those bloody nipples, and for giving the Dark Knight back some dignity...

• Time Inc. budget cuts knock off two of the mag company's best reporters: Prize-winning investigative duo Barlett and Steele. [CJR Daily]
• Nerve for parents? Jeez, talk about grups. [WWD (second item)]
• Wired gives awards; big winners don't show up. [AP via Yahoo]
• Bob Schieffer thinks CBS foreign correspondent Lara Logan is the next Barbara Walters or Diane Sawyer. But not the next Katie Couric, Bob? [WP]

Jeff Bercovici, the sharply dressed but nevertheless heterosexual media editor of Women's Wear Daily, won Gawker's High-Stakes Ellies Pool Tuesday night by correctly predicting winners in 10 of 22 National Magazine Award categories. Now officially known as the Most Accuratest Media Pundit in New York, Bercovici today accepted the remainder of his prize: The coveted Gawker Ellie, delivered over lunch at — where else? — Michael's.

Remember the big-deal Punch Awards announced by the New York Times Company a few months ago? The big-deal cash prizes for stellar NYT Co. employees who did like ol' Arthur Sulzberger Sr. and demonstrated "a commitment to [the] Company's Core Purpose, Core Values and Rules of the Road"? Well, they've been announced, and, um, yeah, not so exciting. One went to the TimesSelect team. That other went to the staffs of two of the companies papers located in Louisiana, The Courier and the Daily Comet. The most entertaining part of this — hell, the only entertaining part — is that they own a paper called the Daily Comet. Cool, right?

Here it is, folks, the moment everyone — or, at least, Mark Whitaker — has been waiting for: The winner of Gawker's first-ever High-Stakes Ellies Pool, in which the assembled media-pundit masses competed for prizes and praise by picked who'd win each of the 22 National Magazine Awards.

Does Men's Health editor Dave Zinczenko really possess the best ass in magazinedom? With it sheathed in two layers of tuxedo, one can't really tell.

Reporting live to you from Jazz at Lincoln Center, your go-to venue for all media prom nights:

We're just hours away from tonight's big National Magazine Awards extravaganza, and Ellie Madness is reaching a fever pitch. By last night's deadline, 14 mag wags had entered our high-stakes pool. We've tallied their picks and are now pleased to present Gawker's wisdom-of-crowds predictions for tonight's winners. (Methodology: The wisdom-of-crowds pick for each category is the title that received a plurality of votes from the participating pickers. In categories where two or more titles tied for the lead, no winner is predicted.)

Why is Simon Dumenco mad this week? Ellie Madness, naturally. Well, not the madness itself; rather, he's mad about the Ellies. He makes several perfectly reasonable points about things fucked up with the magazine biz's big awards. His suggestions:

We've got eight entries filed in the High-Stakes Ellies Pool, and at least a few more are on their way. Plus there's still more folks we're trying to guilt into participating. (Come on, Dumenco. What kind of Media Guy worthy of the name won't hazard a few guesses?) As an additional enticement, we're now pleased to introduce Gawker Ellie, above, the keynote prize for the winner. There will be other, intangible prizes — compliments, esteem — and even, perhaps, some additional tangible prizes. But Gawker Ellie is the real tribute to your prowess. She's an elephant, in tribute to the Calder stabile known as Ellie. She's floppy, because her muscles have atrophied from sitting in front of a computer all day. And she's sad-looking, because aren't we all a little sad? (Also: Stuffed elephants, harder to find than you think.)

Our breath gets more and more bated and the countdown to Ellie continues, and, oh boy, is the tension rising. Big news today about the High-Stakes Ellies Pool. First, we've added five more eligible contestants, all of whom we obviously should have thought of initially: Kit Seelye, Julie Bosman, and David Carr from the Times, Sarah Ellison from the Journal, and HuffPost media editor Rachel Sklar. That's a total of 20 eligible contestants, and we'll do our best to hector as many as possible into participating.

Can you taste it in the air? Feel the excitement swirling around you? Oh, you know what it is, kids: The National Magazine Awards will be presented next Tuesday night, and New York has a bad case of Ellie fever. It's the biggest night of the year for the industry, and all around town mag stars are bursting with anticipation. They're picking up their borrowed jewelry from Harry Winston, they're getting final fittings on couture gowns from Armani, they're getting ready to face Joan and Melissa Rivers as they walk down that famous National Magazine Awards red carpet on their way into the show.

That's it, Valleywag needs an awards show. We'll be taking nominees all year for the Flacky Award — Valleywag's prize for the most ridiculous, clueless, or aggressive people in PR. The first list of nominees comes from Valleywag's archives:

Saturday night was LA's chapter of the GLAAD Media Awards, and the gay-friendly celebrities showed up in droves. (The gay-closeted celebrities, on the other hand, chose to skip again this year.) Moments before this picture of Teri Hatcher and Nicolette Sheridan doing the lezzie lip mash was snapped, Hatcher was overheard asking her Desperate Housewives co-star, "Wanna know what Ryan Seacrest tastes like?" Our ironically titled Defamer Correspondent for Anti-Defamatory Awards Shows sends in this conveniently bulleted report:

The Arquettes are sort of our generation's answer to the Barrymores—had Lionel risen to prominence for marrying a more successful sitcom actress and John decided to have his sex change documented on national television—and they are being recognized for their collective contribution to TV, movies, and annoying AT&T campaigns with the AFI's Platinum Circle Award. It's an award so family-friendly, even the in-laws are cut in on the action:

We attended the GLAAD Media Awards last night, which are designed to "recognize and honor mainstream media for their fair, accurate and inclusive representations of the lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender community." It was a fun evening — mostly because of the free-flowing booze and the attractive boys — but it also left us feeling conflicted. How so?

It was a forgone conclusion that Brokeback Mountain's last go at the awards show rodeo—the GLAAD Media Awards—would rope it its final trophy, what with Brokeback being touted as a monumental turning point in the history of gay acceptance, and these being the awards that celebrate gay acceptance. As predicted, Ang Lee accepted Best Picture, Wide Release at the ceremony in New York last night, easily beating out such other nominated gay-friendly wide releases as Rent and The Family Stone:

This press release arrived in our inbox a bit ago: