The Emmy Nominations: Pretend Like You Care Or You'll Make Sean Hayes Cry
On the morning of the announcement of the Academy Awards nominations, Hollywood rises at dawn, runs through a careful routine of stretching exercises, then invites the media over to its lavish estate to watch as it slowly leans forward and lovingly services its own swollen, pulsing genitalia before it soberly intones the litany of names of its most favored citizens. Hors d'oeuvres are served, and the musical accompaniment by the L.A. Philharmonic is sublime.
By contrast, on the morning of the announcement of the Emmy nominations, a squat, balding man in a tattered robe emerges from a primer-spotted Volkswagen van on an industrial-zoned street in Van Nuys, crudely gestures towards his flaccid member as the handful of beat reporters required to attend recoil in disgust (that thing isn't pierced, is it?), then scatters to the wind a number of greasy McDonald's placemats upon which the names of several cast members of Will & Grace are scrawled. It should go without saying that the emissary's parting blast of flatulence is somewhat less than symphonic.
As you surely know by now, this morning's awards announcements were more fart-solo than world-class orchestra, but we press on nonetheless: TNT's miniseries Into the West collected the most Emmy nominations overall with 16, but perhaps fearing that the world had never actually heard of Into the West and might mistake their stories for Tonys coverage, various media outlets instead touted 24's "series" lead of 12 nods or Grey's Anatomy's "factually incorrect" lead of 11 nominations in their headlines.
We are both too tired and too lazy to compile a complete round-up of the nominations, but submit the following facts to fuel your righteous anger, with optional overturning-of-cars and lighting-shit-on-fire: Lost received one fewer nomination than the aforementioned Will & Grace, while The Sopranos collected exactly the same number as Two and a Half Men. We will be handing out Molotov cocktails in front of the TV Academy's headquarters at noon. Bring matches.
If you care to explore this matter further, the full list of nominees is here and a somewhat condensed list is here.
